< i tried to delete this but the gods stopped me >

[rayheinrich]

< i tried to delete this but the gods stopped me >

really!
oh fuck!
it's like trying to throw away a garbage can
when "they" assume it's what's inside that's garbage

right?  shit...  shit...

and the can gets left

that ragged old piece of trash gets left

"but", you say...

but

they've gone away

[ellajam]

Love this, shit does stick to the sole.

If by any chance you were inspired by a thread on this site, there were some peeps accumulating four or five juicy critiques then deleting the thread rather than respond or edit. Some even reposted in a different forum as if the result would change. If you need a new thread deleted before it has replies just ask. Too late for this one though, you made something good of it.

< i tried to delete this but the gods stopped me >

really!
oh fuck!
it's like trying to throw away a garbage can
when "they" assume it's what's inside that's garbage

right?  shit...  shit...

and the can gets left

that ragged old piece of trash gets left

"but", you say...

but

they've gone away

[rayheinrich]

Love this, shit does stick to the sole.

A bit of an aside: I've lived with and walked dogs for up to and until 15 years
after this was written. It's been so long that whenever I'm looking to buy a shoe,
I look at the sole to see how fissured it is. Cleaning shit out of those cutely waved,
warped, intricately indented designs is arduous, painstaking, painful, shitty work
(I have a cut-off plastic milk bottle filled with the tools of my unwanted trade which
includes old toothbrushes, various sizes of paperclips, Popcicle sticks broken to
various widths, and tiny brass and stainless steal wire brushes.)

If by any chance you were inspired by a thread on this site, there were some peeps accumulating four or five juicy critiques then deleting the thread rather than respond or edit.

Spineless scum! Each of my twelve fully separate and sentient entities spits a spit
of cursed viper venom at them three (maybe four) times.

Some even re-posted in a different forum as if the result would change.

Pitiful, fungus-like, pieces of failed shit!!

If you need a new thread deleted before it has replies just ask.
Too late for this one though, you made something good of it.

A mercilessly callus display of your power over my abject
self followed by a condescending compliment...

I LIVE for such as this!! I will obey my master!
(Use the red leather belt, the one with the sharp sequins, I beg of you.)

[ellajam]

The one with the sharp blue sequins? An image would save all that typing.

[just mercedes]

This is a great thread. Should be more of them.

[cjchaffin]

The one with the sharp blue sequins? An image would save all that typing.

stop rifling through my closet, marcella!

sheesh. can't a camel have secrets?

[rayheinrich]

The one with the sharp blue sequins? An image would save all that typing.

Yes, well, the words do slip about, don't they?

The correct phrase (as always) is:
"Use the red belt mommy, the one with the sharp blue sequins."
(As if I could ever forget.)

A thousand words may make a poem; the gods make images forever:








P.S. If you let a camel put his nose under your hump, it's not just your tent that will need spanking. - One Thousand and One Nights

[cjchaffin]

P.S. If you let a camel put her nose under your hump, it's not just your tent that will need spanking. - One Thousand and One Nights

how very dare you, sir. 

i would hump you but that'd only leave me with my spare. 

[rayheinrich]

P.S. If you let a camel put her nose under your hump, it's not just your tent that will need spanking. - One Thousand and One Nights

how very dare you, sir. 
i would hump you but that'd only leave me with my spare. 

FYTMI:
A camel is an even-toed ungulate within the genus Camelus,
bearing distinctive fatty deposits known as "humps" on its back.
The two surviving species of camel are the dromedary,
or one-humped camel which inhabits the Middle East and
the Horn of Africa; and the bactrian, or two-humped camel,
which inhabits Central Asia.

The largest population of feral camels is in Australia.
They are descended from those introduced as a method of
transport in the 19th and early 20th centuries. There are
around 700,000 of them in central parts of Australia.
Invading feral camels searching for water destroy taps,
pumps and even toilets.

[Leanne]

Nobody goes without a hump in Australia.

[rayheinrich]

Nobody goes without a hump in Australia.

There is a proliferation of cheap, poor quality humps in Australia.
Quite often these humps don’t comply to standards, are of poor quality
from unknown origin, and are not suited to tough Australian conditions,
quickly fading or failing structurally.

Every reseller of humps in Australia will tell you their products comply
with the relevant standards. The reality is, many of them would not
even know the detail of the standards (or care), and in the vast majority
of cases their products do not comply at all.

The Australian Standards through AS2890.1:2004 have been very clear about
the design, use and intent of speed humps on private property.

Design criteria for speed humps:

The Australian Standard which regulates the design and use of speed humps
for use in off-street parking in Australia is ‘AS2890.1:2004 parking facilities’.

AS2890.1 identifies four main criteria in the design of “type 2” speed humps:
height, cross section, ramp angle and markings.

Until now very few “type 2” speed humps sold in Australia met these four criteria.
Of the non-metal type, most if not all are manufactured overseas from cheap,
very poor quality reclaimed materials of variable origin which quickly breakdown,
fade or fail under Australian conditions.

   Height: Must be between 25 & 75mm.

   Cross Section: Must be flat on top. Not round or peaked.

   Ramp Angle: Must have a ramp angle 2:1

   Markings: Must have alternating yellow or white stripes 250mm wide.

[billy]

i've been inhabited by a horn of africa, but never a central asian mmm

P.S. If you let a camel put her nose under your hump, it's not just your tent that will need spanking. - One Thousand and One Nights

how very dare you, sir. 
i would hump you but that'd only leave me with my spare. 

FYTMI:
A camel is an even-toed ungulate within the genus Camelus,
bearing distinctive fatty deposits known as "humps" on its back.
The two surviving species of camel are the dromedary,
or one-humped camel which inhabits the Middle East and
the Horn of Africa; and the bactrian, or two-humped camel,
which inhabits Central Asia.

The largest population of feral camels is in Australia.
They are descended from those introduced as a method of
transport in the 19th and early 20th centuries. There are
around 700,000 of them in central parts of Australia.
Invading feral camels searching for water destroy taps,
pumps and even toilets.

[cjchaffin]

i've maimed several people with my camel toes. haven't killed anyone as of yet...

and i only once, ONCE, destroyed a toilet.

[rayheinrich]

From the Alice Springs News:

After many failed schemes, an effective method of discouraging camels
from destroying toilets has been developed. A number of fully-functional
toilets (necessary to provide their characteristic scent) are placed in
several sites about the problem area. While they appear totally identical
to a normal toilet, when the camel tries to drink from them it is treated
to a 230—volt electrical shock. This has been a very effective deterrent,
and the annual number of destroyed toilets has been cut to less than a half
of their former numbers. Witnesses say that the camel, when shocked, leaps
back and snorts frantically with pain. Then it runs in circles and breaks
all records racing into the desert away from the shocking toilet. It
thereafter avoids toilets in the area where it was hurt.

Of course, there are no perfect solutions. People in the affected areas,
while thankful for the reduction in camel toilet destruction, have expressed
concern over the insufficiency of the cautionary warning advertisements.
While no serious injuries have been reported to date, Heavitree Gap Tavern
owner James Stuart insists, "it is only a question of time".

[bena]

I wish the gods would stop me from posting certain things. Where do I sign up for that?

[Erthona]

chris wrote:

"i've maimed several people with my camel toes. haven't killed anyone as of yet...and i only once, ONCE, destroyed a toilet."

I'm assuming you also did that with your camel toe, as a camel toe can destroy so many things    

[rayheinrich]

I wish the gods would stop me from posting certain things.  Where do I sign up for that?

That might be a good service to have available, its "goodness", however,
would be heavily dependent on the specific god, i.e. you'd not only
have to find one of a zillion lists, you'd need to find a personality profile
on the specific god in question. Personally, I'd stick to Greek gods as their
exists extensive free information about them (though often contradictory)
available on the web. Also Leanne (if not in a crabby mood or busy tearing
candy wrappers) might help.

As for now (as I've so thoroughly blabbered about), the only service that
seems to be available is one that sometimes, and quite arbitrarily, will
prevent you from deleting. BUT, that's fucking gods for you!

---

chris wrote:

"i've maimed several people with my camel toes. haven't killed anyone as of yet...and i only once, ONCE, destroyed a toilet."

I'm assuming you also did that with your camel toe, as a camel toe can destroy so many things    

There's always a literalist in the crowd willing to construe perfectly good misconstrutions.

[Leanne]

Stop fucking gods.

[rayheinrich]

Stop fucking gods.

What obversely underbellied shard of a bloated island did your
degenerately dna'ed beer-swilling mullet-headed ancestors hatch from?
(Thank you Tracey Ullman)

We don't fuck gods, gods fuck us!


"I dreamed of Aphrodite and awoke to Cybele, of where I began, of home." *



- Pirate Prentice (Gravity's Rainbow - Thomas Pynchon)

[Erthona]

Camel toe, pretty in pink. Cause of mass destruction. Just caused a car wreck and a guy getting slapped by his girlfriend.