Help Me Title This!

[ajcohen613]

   
Holding you will
Only cost $12.99
At a %1,000,000 interest rate
In the so-called long run
Is what the Oracle explained to me with a fractal rainforest
Stapled to a suit stolen off the back of a bankrupt boxer
But our national monuments have pollen
That can be held in a trust fund for you
And rolls of marzipan for when you’re afraid of leaving your room
No one can afford to 
Disappear into Parisian side streets
If they aren’t willing to appreciate the art of dumpster diving
There could’ve been brunch rituals 
And other privileges to grow tired of
But damn you look like a satellite burning in a beige barn
When you talk about feeling lost
And forever ago you drank straight from the bottle
Just to make a decision your parents would disapprove of
So on our behalf
The whole sky flared up in pink embryos
In search of a thesaurus
And fuck  
I don’t have the infrastructure to write old-fashioned letters
For people I can’t stop thinking about
But please misunderstand me
For what I am
When you choose to leave
My already empty bed

[bena]

Wow. Hmm. Lots of interesting thoughts in there, but what one thing encapsulates everything that would make a title?

Cruciverbalist?
Mantis? (i love your av, plus the bitch does that decapitation thing. )

I am never any good at this, I start my own poems with the title first, or else I won't know what I'm trying to say!

[tectak]

   
Holding you will
Only cost $12.99
At a %1,000,000 interest rate
In the so-called long run
Is what the Oracle explained to me with a fractal rainforest
Stapled to a suit stolen off the back of a bankrupt boxer
But our national monuments have pollen
That can be held in a trust fund for you
And rolls of marzipan for when you’re afraid of leaving your room
No one can afford to 
Disappear into Parisian side streets
If they aren’t willing to appreciate the art of dumpster diving
There could’ve been brunch rituals 
[font5=Georgia]And other privileges to grow tired of[/font]
But damn you look like a satellite burning in a beige barn
When you talk about feeling lost
And forever ago you drank straight from the bottle
Just to make a decision your parents would disapprove of
So on our behalf
The whole sky flared up in pink embryos
In search of a thesaurus
And fuck  
I don’t have the infrastructure to write old-fashioned letters
For people I can’t stop thinking about
But please misunderstand me
For what I am
When you choose to leave
My already empty bed

....ad on and on thus
Pinballs pricked and rolled off eagle eggs, oxidising in
The marshmallow chandaliers,hung like pickles in
A greek father's pomegranate...maybe you have one
Two is rolled up crisply crenellating in cornflour
Castanets....fuck...fuck...fuck. I was blind but now
Inside the fumidor crying red and caramel creams
....and on and on.

Sorry, I am not taken, or taken in.
Welcome,
tectak
Oh...the title..how about Commodore...or does that make no sense at all?

[ellajam]

If this was posted in Misc to avoid giving crtique before posting a poem, as is the rule in the workshops, but asking members to read and consider it enough to suggest a title, sorry, not me.

   
Holding you will
Only cost $12.99
At a %1,000,000 interest rate
In the so-called long run
Is what the Oracle explained to me with a fractal rainforest
Stapled to a suit stolen off the back of a bankrupt boxer
But our national monuments have pollen
That can be held in a trust fund for you
And rolls of marzipan for when you’re afraid of leaving your room
No one can afford to 
Disappear into Parisian side streets
If they aren’t willing to appreciate the art of dumpster diving
There could’ve been brunch rituals 
And other privileges to grow tired of
But damn you look like a satellite burning in a beige barn
When you talk about feeling lost
And forever ago you drank straight from the bottle
Just to make a decision your parents would disapprove of
So on our behalf
The whole sky flared up in pink embryos
In search of a thesaurus
And fuck  
I don’t have the infrastructure to write old-fashioned letters
For people I can’t stop thinking about
But please misunderstand me
For what I am
When you choose to leave
My already empty bed

[Brownlie]

In Search of a Thesaurus

[Grace]

Spliffed.

[tectak]

Spliffed.

Lucky you.
tectak

[Grace]

Spliffed.

Lucky you.
tectak

[rayheinrich]

... the bitch does that decapitation thing.

I am never any good at this...

Modesty does not become you.

[tectak]

... the bitch does that decapitation thing.

I am never any good at this...

Modesty does not become you.

Ray...watch what and where you're posting...you are giving this thread a bad name...me too, if I let this go without comment. Mod

[rayheinrich]

Ray...watch what and where you're posting...you are giving this thread a  bad name...me too, if I let this go without comment. Mod

My apologies, I fear I lost my head for a bit there. It shan't happen again.

[ellajam]

Ray...watch what and where you're posting...you are giving this thread a  bad name...me too, if I let this go without comment. Mod

My apologies, I fear I lost my head for a bit there. It shan't happen again.

This thread had a bad name from the start, I thought that was the OP's point. And if one must lose one's head, that's not a bad way to go.

[crow]

The obvious title is "layaway"

---

I'm skeptical about the nonsensicalness, here, but I could argue that the last four or five lines justify the incoherent predicate--except, no I can't bc your punctuation is so shambly. At least--at least--move your % to the right side

[rayheinrich]

I suggest that:

from the previously posted Marvel comic 'Mantis' be used for the title.

If I'd thought of that before, I wouldn't have been off-topic. (I'm, obviously, aware that any discussion
involving the subject of using images for titles should take place in some discussion group or other.)


Another title suggestion: No Means No


Further comment and explication which may, partially or in toto, be deemed off-topic:

Can my previous comments be made, retroactively, on topic?
Is that possible or is there some sort of Dr. Who time directive
that either precludes that by Time Lord Law or states, unequivocally,
that the universe will die a fiery death sooner than expected if this
were effected?

[ellajam]

I suggest that:

from the previously posted Marvel comic 'Mantis' be used for the title.

If I'd thought of that before, I wouldn't have been off-topic. (I'm, obviously, aware that any discussion
involving the subject of using images for titles should take place in some discussion group or other.)


Another title suggestion: No Means No


Further comment and explication which may, partially or in toto, be deemed off-topic:

Can my previous comments be made, retroactively, on topic?
Is that possible or is there some sort of Dr. Who time directive
that either precludes that by Time Lord Law or states, unequivocally,
that the universe will die a fiery death sooner than expected if this
were effected?

From the rules of this forum:
Comments may also be simple appreciation, emotional responses, light banter or verse.

The OP has given us no guidelines, asked something of our members without giving first and neglected to return to this thread in the week since he posted it. IMO you can have at it, if it ends up in the arse so be it.

So yes, whoosh, your pic can retroactively be a title suggestion, why not?

[rayheinrich]

From the rules of this forum:
Comments may also be simple appreciation, emotional responses, light banter or verse.

The OP has given us no guidelines, asked something of our members without giving first and neglected to return to this thread in the week since he posted it. IMO you can have at it, if it ends up in the arse so be it.

So yes, whoosh, your pic can retroactively be a title suggestion, why not?

I thought tectak was joshing and I decided to play along.
If I'd thought for 7.5 seconds that he was being serious,
I'd have loosed my toad on him.

[tectak]

[quote='ellajam' pid='184966' dateline='1423948870']
From the rules of this forum:
Comments may also be simple appreciation, emotional responses, light banter or verse.

The OP has given us no guidelines, asked something of our members without giving first and neglected to return to this thread in the week since he posted it. IMO you can have at it, if it ends up in the arse so be it.

So yes, whoosh, your pic can retroactively be a title suggestion, why not?

I thought tectak was joshing and I decided to play along.
If I'd thought for 7.5 seconds that he was being serious,
I'd have loosed my toad on him.
[/qutote]

Shit...so whose toad is...er...was this I just squashed?
Best,
tectak

[Erthona]

Ah, a title. How about:

"Bad Postmodern Poem"

I think that is very descriptive.


dale

[rayheinrich]

Shit...so whose toad is...er...was this I just squashed?
Best, tectak

[milo]