The Proctologist

[Leanne]

He was an anal fissure man,
no fancy rod had he;
just fingering, or in the dark
a colonoscopy.

A patient came, a handsome chap
whose walk was rather funny –
he fronted up, then turned around:
“Now doctor, earn your money.”

The gloves went on, the digit out
to probe his patient’s rectum;
he pulled out three brown mice, it was
too late to resurrect ‘em.

But that’s not all he found and soon
he had to call for backup
the nurses came, his arm went in,
objects began to stack up.

A mobile phone, a Matchbox car,
a water pistol, loaded,
a dozen eggs, some chewing gum,
two fireworks (unexploded),

a newspaper, a teddy bear,
what looked like someone’s beard,
a box of Roses chocolates… well,
at last the hole was cleared.

The man turned round. “Well that was fun,
but what I need is simple:
I want to know if this here spot’s
a freckle or a pimple.”

[url=https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10204122762324371&set=p.10204122762324371&type=1][/url]
Writing this kept me entertained for half an hour this morning so it's not a complete loss

[ellajam]

Haha! After reading a few serious and rather solemn poems this definitely made me laugh! However, given that the man is a proctologist, I did not understand the last line? What difference would it be to a proctologist if the spot was a freckle or a pimple? (I know, it's a dumb remark, I just wanted to give critique so the mods and admins wouldn't be on me XD)

If you click on the individual forum name you'll find each has different rules. In Fun it's fine to say

"what looked like someone’s beard"


Welcome to the site.
ella/mod (ha, gotcha anyway)

[rayheinrich]

Don't tell me this could have been written in half an hour!

Generated by a genetic recombination of Einstein and an Estonian contortionist?
Barely possible.
Sprung fully-formed from the fecally fascinated forehead of Freud?  
Well, maybe.

But not written by a mere mortal, no!

Oh, wait, you're telling me it was Leanne?

Never mind, of course, she could do this with both hands tied to her behind.

[Leanne]

It's true, I didn't write it in half an hour. It was 27 minutes between the challenge and the final posting. So there :p

[ChristopherSea]

It's an odd profession to choose. What kind of person decides that rectum health is their calling in life?

Nice probing of the topic Leanne!

[rayheinrich]

It's true, I didn't write it in half an hour.  It was 27 minutes between the challenge and the final posting.  So there :p

I bow, most undisputed overlord, to the preeminence of your porcelain altar.

---

It's an odd profession to choose. What kind of person decides that rectum health is their calling in life?

Nice probing of the topic Leanne!

Their calling, actually, echoes more from disease than health.
Which makes it triple bad and, like all sanitary repair specialists
(be they internal or external), essential to the regular functioning of society.

[Namyh]

Leanne - I loved the rhythm and the craft of your visuals. In addition, I cracked up with a roar while reading it indicating without a doubt that there is a 'probing power' in your poet's pen for our public pleasure. LOL. I had fun and thanks Leanne. Namyh