FIFA

[Jimmy Stark]

Starving Brazilians do not pity those sporting neckties,
grumbling stomachs and hot hips cannot sympathize.
Rats stacked in ghettos
displaced by impenetrable stadiums in the name of Samba.
Some children learn their letters,
they earn theirs in blood.
Familial Robin Hoods stealing for survival,
more likely to have a .45 than $.45.
Soon to peddle outside forgotten mega projects,
preying on unsuspecting glittery tourists.

[billy]

i think it's $45 or $ 45

i do like the idea of the poem, it's a big thing in the sporting world and very controversial for lots of the Brazilians. at present it feels preachy instead of showing us the squalor and poverty and injustice in the barrio's and bodegas

Starving Brazilians do not pity those sporting neckties, does anyone else
grumbling stomachs and hot hips cannot sympathize. a solid line and much more of an image than the first, could this one work better if it were the first line?
Rats stacked in ghettos rats work but not really with the line above, is rats needed? can another word serve better?
displaced by impenetrable stadiums in the name of Samba. impenetrable seems out of place, make it clear if its impenetrable to some and not others.
Some children learn their letters,
they earn theirs in blood.
Familial Robin Hoods stealing for survival,
more likely to have a .45 than $.45.
Soon to peddle outside forgotten mega projects,
preying on unsuspecting glittery tourists.

[ChristopherSea]

Hello Jimmy,

I see the point that you are trying to make herein. However, your poem seems to have some ambivalence or ambiguity with the theme. For example, I think you have your opening line inverted; it’s really sporting Brazilians that don’t pity the starving ones. In fact, that is the more poignant reality.

Most sports stadiums are built in the poorer areas within cities throughout the world. However, it is with hope that it revitalizes the neighborhood with jobs, customers for street venders and souvenir hawkers, etc. It also provides the city with income to aid the less fortunate. I am not claiming they are successful in doing so.

If those children learned their letters, they could spare some of that blood spilling. Not only do those thugs have 45s, but they usually have cell phones, bling, beepers, etc. If efforts focused on criminal activity, personal greed and contempt were applied towards the community all would be better off.

By the way, why are the legitimate venders considered predators and the tourists their prey? It’s a mutual exchange.

I don’t mind political argument in poetry, but the rationale needs to be there to support one’s slant. I think this may fare better by contrasting the rich that attend the soccer games, their cars, clothing homes, etc with those of the poor outside the stadiums. Having said that, I think you need to reconcile all of the impoverished that attend these games via general admission tickets. Some of the same also tear down the bleachers, cause then to collapse or riot pending their team of interest’s outcome.

It’s difficult to define and solve a socioeconomic problem in a poem, isn't it? Nonetheless, I am impressed by your noble attempt herein. You should also provoke a lot of feedback with your theme, which is always good. Good luck with your next edit./Chris

[Jimmy Stark]

Thanks for the replies Billy and ChristopherSea.

I should note that the opening line can be interpreted two ways. You both interpreted it as neckties denoting businessmen. That is a good interpretation and can show that the poor do not pity those who had to actually plan this World Cup. The actual meaning of the line, in regards to what I intended, is in reference to the Colombian necktie method of execution. The poor do not pity those who were killed because the poor are still living in their own dim reality while those with neckties got out.

It should also be noted that World Cups and Olympics have a long history of costing the host country far more in bidding and infrastructure than it generates in revenue. That is the inspiration for the last lines, as the poor Brazilians will likely never be able to step foot inside the stadium, yet could easily rob tourists who wanted to see the stadiums in the wake of the tournament.

Just wanted to explain a few things. I'll work on an edit. Thanks for the suggestions.

[billy]

i wouldn't personally equate a Columbian neck tie with Brazil, i'd connect it to drug barons in Columbia. or as a gangland killing but it does feel too ambiguous as "neck tie" with no modifier. hanging did cross my mind as a noose often referred to as a neck tie as well. but it did work for me.

[justcloudy]

This mostly doesn't work for me because it's too vague and overarching-- if you pick out one specific theme or image it'll work better. Also, the title is a bit misleading because you're talking mostly about Brazil, not FIFA, even if FIFA is the force behind many of Brazil's actions.

This video gives a lot of info about FIFA (and it's pretty funny), maybe it'll help you narrow your focus a bit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlJEt2KU33I

Good luck!

---

Also:

Rats stacked in ghettos
displaced by impenetrable stadiums in the name of Samba.

makes no sense. Especially the samba part.

[i pray to pills]

"Starving Brazilians"

that seems a very estereotypical image for a protest; when in these days brazilians had even some success in dealing with starvation.

what are they (we) exactly starving for? looks like those pictures of "starving africa ", the reduction of a whole world to a small village.

--


"in the name of Samba" sounds confuse for me; for brazilians samba can be both a historical symbol of resistence, a nationalist mestizo anthen; or conformism, "panis et circensis ".

it's like Samba belongs to Fifa in your poem; Samba looks like a symbol of brazilian status quo; which for me sounds like a very estereotypical foreign view too; and that also doesn't fit with protest;

sounds like you just picked a reason to protest reading the news, without a real emotional or pratical engagement. That theme could be better worked being more especific. forget the general image of the country;

"Familial Robin Hoods" sounds ingenuous talking about a society largely controlled by mafia's association with state and highly hedonistic post-modern robbers.

[tomasmk]

as most mentioned before, I think it could be more effective if it gave a touching image of those starving children, something that would make me feel bad for them, instead of telling me "you should feel bad because I say so or because it is the right thing to do"

[ajcohen613]

Hey there,
I enjoyed your poem as a piece of social/political commentary. However, I feel as if this poem falls in line with a culturally essentialist way of viewing Brazil. The image of rats in the streets and so on paints a dismal picture of a Brazilian favella in shambles, which is not ALL of Brazil by any means. Also, I'm not sure if it's fair to say that these "familial robin hoods" are more likely to have .45 vs 45 cents; once again, this view seems to be drawn from essentialist ways of viewing other non-western cultures (i.e. brazil is full of robin hoods and robbers and famine and so on).

[SomeRandom]

Starving Brazilians do not pity those sporting neckties,
grumbling stomachs and hot hips cannot sympathize.
Rats stacked in ghettos
displaced by impenetrable stadiums in the name of Samba.
Some children learn their letters,
they earn theirs in blood.
Familial Robin Hoods stealing for survival,
more likely to have a .45 than $.45.
Soon to peddle outside forgotten mega projects,
preying on unsuspecting glittery tourists.

I too like the theme but think the poem needs to be a little less vague. L2/3 are a sentence fragment. I'm kinda disappointed at the lack of metaphors involved around the sport itself. You know, play on words, can't eat a soccer ball, that sort of thing. You should try to involve the emotional aspects of the game too. After all, following their embarrassing loss to Germany a lot of Brazilians were left broken. Football is their national image, they depend on it. That dependance of course is killing them at the same time. They are addicted to what is killing them. I didn't see any of this in your poem; try to dig deeper into the souls of the Brazilians, there is true tragedy there!

[bwasroy]

I don't get the first two lines, it looks like two separate sentences without a period so I stumble immediately when I start reading.

Starting with the rhyme of "neckties" and "sympathize" then not having another rhyme in the poem really throws me off.

Why not just "Stadiums", why add "impenetrable"?

Who is "they"?

"Familial Robin Hoods" could just be Robin Hood... I don't need familial.

I don't understand why 45 punctuation matters, you're going to read this aloud as "45" regardless.

Projects rather than mega projects, what does mega add?

unsuspecting glittery tourists...I'm not sure if I like that

[konstantin27]

Starving Brazilians do not pity those sporting neckties,
grumbling stomachs and hot hips cannot sympathize.
Rats stacked in ghettos drop the "in" it will emphasize the ghettos and not the rats
displaced by impenetrable stadiums in the name of Samba.
Some children learn their letters,
they earn theirs in blood.
Familial Robin Hoods stealing for survival,
more likely to have a .45 than $.45. you should write 45 dollars
Soon to peddle outside forgotten mega projects,
preying on unsuspecting glittery tourists.

overall i liked it and i think with a little more polishing it would be a great poem.

[Dymun Fengshui]

Starving Brazilians do not pity those sporting neckties,
grumbling stomachs and hot hips cannot sympathize.
Rats stacked in ghettos
displaced by impenetrable stadiums in the name of Samba.
Some children learn their letters,
they earn theirs in blood.
Familial Robin Hoods stealing for survival,
more likely to have a .45 than $.45. Perhaps this line should just be "more likely to have a .45 than .45 I think that the $ us distracting and the reader would be able to understand without it.
Soon to peddle outside forgotten mega projects,
preying on unsuspecting glittery tourists.

I really like the idea of this poem. It is a great idea and very controversial.