Roles & Resentment

[rowens]

                                       Roles & Resentment



creeps, creeps everywhere
populating the underworld.
A society of executioners with no victims
judges them.
Security is a victimless crime.

creeps everywhere! pathetic monsters,
losers with no sense of pride
where pride isn't given;
everyone abides by a law of consent.

Those who mock and sneer are the most insecure of all.
No one should be cowed under those eyes;
better to soil your pants or rape a twelve year old in public
than fall prey to insecure vultures.

Laughter, creeps, creeps and laughter!
As pleasure is inverted guilt,
anyone having a good day
is living at someone else's expense.

[SimikPK]

                                       Roles & Resentment 



creeps, creeps everywhere Do you intentionally start with a small case letter? Same for 2nd stanza. 
populating the underworld.  Everywhere or the underworld? Or you mean the underworld is everywhere? 
A society of executioners with no victims *

judges them.
Security is a victimless crime. *

creeps everywhere! pathetic monsters,
losers with no sense of pride
where pride isn't given;
everyone abides by a law of consent.

Those who mock and sneer are the most insecure of all. You don´t need "of all" This line sounds a bit less poetic with the rest. Sounds like narrative almost. Maybe because of its length. 
No one should be cowed under those eyes;
better to soil your pants or rape a twelve year old in public These are the only vivid images of the poem, they save the day. Otherwise it is very abstract. Comprehensible, yes, but abstract. Dont know if you want to keep it like that. The abstracness might work well for the establishment of the fear of being observed by those vultures. In that case, I would do away with these specific images. If not, I would add some somewhere else. 
than fall prey to insecure vultures.

Laughter, creeps, creeps and laughter! I can really feel the hysteria here. Nice gradation, good use of the excl. mark. I also very much like the way you mixed the beginnig of the stanza-opening line with "creeps" and actually not the "creeps" - a good synthesis of the opening lines of the first 2 and the 3rd stanzas. 
As pleasure is inverted guilt, *
anyone having a good day
is living at someone else's expense. *

All not commented on lines work well for me. The appreciated images/metaphors or whatever... are given an asterisk.

Reminds me of Equilibrium or V is for Vendetta. The poem made me read it several times - which is a great successs. I didn´t catch much at the first read but knew there is some and specific meainig to it. Read through it again and again, and liked it more and more. As to the title, the "roles" part is OK, I like the alliteration, but Resentment is eithe too specific, or doesnt match the poem´s focus, because, for me, it focuses mor on the happy creeps rather than the insecure vultures. 

A solid peace of work. I would give the thumbsup smiley did it match the dark atmosphere of the poem

[rowens]

I meant the underworld of everywhere. And the other way around.

I had a sound going with all in most insecure of all. I would have had a sound going with is not if I put that instead of isn't in where pride isn't given, but I didn't like the sound of that.

I don't know much about the abstract argument, although I hear it a lot. Not with my poems always, but just with poems and abstractions in general. I don't have a problem with abstractions. I don't think in images. In fact, when I dream there's just a bunch of letters and numbers floating around. I guess you can say they are images since I can see them. One time I went to an analyst and asked him about a dream that was troubling me, and he said: x>10

I'm just trying to explain

I can take everything you say into consideration. But I don't know that the creeps are happy. The resentment is there because it has to be somewhere and doesn't have anywhere else to be.

[MajestyApollo]

I found some of the lines in the first two stanzas to be a bit wishy washy. I'm sure you know what you mean when you write them, but as a reader they just pass over me without saying anything. Ultimately, they seem a bit like a string of meaningless syllables. Could you try to clear up the image? (In bold, below)

                                       Roles & Resentment



creeps, creeps everywhere
populating the underworld.
A society of executioners with no victims
judges them.
Security is a victimless crime.

creeps everywhere! pathetic monsters,
losers with no sense of pride
where pride isn't given;
everyone abides by a law of consent.

The third stanza is far more successful and hits us with some pretty vivid images. I think the meter starts to waver a bit - lines 1 and 3 in particular seem too long to stand by themselves without a powerful rhythm to drive them but generally this is great. I would question the parallel that seems to be drawn between soiling your pants and raping a child in public though - it's pretty jarring to have an embarrassing event compared to such a serious offence.

The final three lines are by far the strongest of the poem. They have a great sense of duality and really got me thinking. The drive the final stanza brilliantly, are just the right length and are clear and concise in what they're communicating.

[Heyyous]

                                       Roles & Resentment

creeps, creeps everywhere
populating the underworld.
A society of executioners with no victims
judges them.
Security is a victimless crime.
creeps everywhere! pathetic monsters,
losers with no sense of pride
where pride isn't given;
everyone abides by a law of consent.
Those who mock and sneer are the most insecure of all.
No one should be cowed under those eyes;
better to soil your pants or rape a twelve year old in public could you please change this it's good
] but that sort of graphic is just so wrong.
than fall prey to insecure vultures.
Laughter, creeps, creeps and laughter!
As pleasure is inverted guilt,
anyone having a good day
is living at someone else's expense.

I thought the poem was awesome and I have read it a couple times. Anytime I went to change something it threw something out of whack which was really cool. However I can see that one part being offensive or damaging to some people. I think you could find a much more suitable and thought provoking image then that.
How about: Watch a man die in cold blood.

[rowens]

I'll see what I can do. I'm not very good at reading or writing, these aren't things I'm particularly suited for. So it might take a while.

[Christoph2]

I don't know how I feel about this poem. Is the irony purposely placed into it or am I misreading it.

I can see the jealousy in the poem and I love it. Are the people calling others "creeps" the ones you refer to as insecure?

Super new to this stuff, but loving the reads so far.

[Ribo]

                                       Roles & Resentment



creeps, creeps everywhere
populating the underworld.
A society of executioners with no victims
judges them.
Security is a victimless crime.

creeps everywhere! pathetic monsters,
losers with no sense of pride
where pride isn't given;
everyone abides by a law of consent.

Those who mock and sneer are the most insecure of all.
No one should be cowed under those eyes;
better to soil your pants or rape a twelve year old in public
than fall prey to insecure vultures.

Laughter, creeps, creeps and laughter!
As pleasure is inverted guilt,
anyone having a good day
is living at someone else's expense.

I feel I should preface this. My thoughts on this are in contrast to others but I respect others viewpoints and beliefs - I just don't agree.

"better to soil your pants or rape a twelve year old in public" - this line is very good and stands out - it's shows you are brave enough to take on a this subject matter but you need to make the rest a lot darker. I really like where the poem takes me - to a world that is depraved and sinful but it needs more immoral imagery else you're writing the Mr Men book of horror. I would try and tune the rest of this to such abhorrent acts and show them taken as normal behavior.

On a final note I'd remove the term "underworld" maybe "populating this vile world". It's too common and doesn't have the right meaning anymore. Create a vision of your own viciously horrid world and let it exist wherever the reader decides.

[calypist]

I feel like the poem is consistent in the message It's trying to impart upon the reader, and I like the way the imagery puts me in the heart of this vile world where everything is seedy and corrupted. I got the feeling that 'underworld' represented earth, beneath the heavens. Like we've strayed indefinitely from the path of righteousness. Normally I would agree with Ribo, and say that the term Underworld was a bit exhausted from overuse, but given what I perceived to be the divine context of the poem, it spoke to me on a different level, and seemed to fit just fine, if that's what you were going for.

[Beacherjosh]

I too had to read the poem a few times to, I hope, completely understand it. I find words like "losers" and "monsters" could be more specific with different word choice. your 1st line, "creeps, creeps everywhere" may be more interesting (at least to me) as, "creeps, creep everywhere" so the second creep is a verb. this would also go well with just repeating the word "creeps" as a noun in your 1st and 2nd stanza. Just a suggestion, I don't know if it would be a good change or not, maybe start every stanza with "creeps". That would help cement your theme.

[jsoutiere92]

                                       Roles & Resentment



creeps, creeps everywhere
populating the underworld.
A society of executioners with no victims
judges them.
Security is a victimless crime.

creeps everywhere! pathetic monsters,
losers with no sense of pride
where pride isn't given;
everyone abides by a law of consent.

Those who mock and sneer are the most insecure of all.
No one should be cowed under those eyes;
better to soil your pants or rape a twelve year old in public
than fall prey to insecure vultures.

Laughter, creeps, creeps and laughter!
As pleasure is inverted guilt,
anyone having a good day
is living at someone else's expense.

I feel this is angsty without direction, and the imagery of raping a 12 year old as "better" is hardly in good taste, even when talking about the disappointing attributes of modern society.

[QDeathstar]

The poem is ok, but I don't see why everyone is saying that stanza three is the most effective because it is painting vivid images for. It is easy to create images when you say something for shock value.


shit yourself or rape a 12 year old, they are basically the same? No, but the author needed something racy so he went all in. Ok.  Stanza three is the weakest part of the poem to me, it's vulgarity is too concrete and shock mongering to be taken seriously.


One could agree that society and government is overbearing and takes pride in calling out criminals in the name of security, or that people make fun of other people for having no pride, when they themselves are huge hypocrites, or that one persons loss is another's gain, but no one is going to agree that it is better to rape a 12 year old than to become a hypocrite. Its over the top and ridiculous.

[QDeathstar]

I too had to read the poem a few times to, I hope, completely understand it. I find words like "losers" and "monsters" could be more specific with different word choice. your 1st line, "creeps, creeps everywhere" may be more interesting (at least to me) as, "creeps, creep everywhere" so the second creep is a verb. this would also go well with just repeating the word "creeps" as a noun in your 1st and 2nd stanza. Just a suggestion, I don't know if it would be a good change or not, maybe start every stanza with "creeps". That would help cement your theme.

I found the "monsters" and "losers" in the poem are important to keep general, since I think those are what society blindly calls pepetrators of victimless crime in the authors eyes, to make them more specific would infer that society is more aware than it is.