11-11-2014, 09:47 AM
audio:
https://dl.dropbox.com/s/elrkgubox5dk4tx...x.m4a?dl=0
The Cake-Whiskey Paradox
[Spoken Intro]
Perhaps you've heard of the little-known but well-loved "Cake-Whiskey Paradox": cake-baking correlates directly with happiness, while whiskey-drinking correlates inversely.
This explains why it is impossible to bake a cake while drunk on whiskey..
A companion theory proposes that it must also be impossible to make a whiskey cake.
The scientific types are split as to the correctness of this theory. Some endorse it wholeheartedly, but a growing minority speculates that any attempt to do so would yield a horseshoe-shaped entity comprising hot toddies at one pole and cake-dragon eggs on the other. Then, the universe would implode.
For obvious reasons, this theory has never been tested.
Interestingly, a near-analogue of the Cake-Whiskey Paradox explains why all Emo music is the result of failed attempts to write showtunes while drunk on tequila
[Verse 1-a]
Did you bake a cake?
Sugar, did you bake a cake?
Did it ease your mind?
Did it make you ha-a-a-a-ap-ily
Leave your woes behind?
[Verse 1-b]
And did you take a shot of whiskey when
Your hands were numb from cryin'?
And did it make you weeeee--ee--heep
Like your mee-maw'd died?
[Verse 1]
I'll bet it's true
You've done each in your life
You can't ba-a-a-a-ke a caaaa-eek
On your whiskey drinkin' nights
[Verse 2]
Well, you always hear a rumor
That somebody's dead Aunt Sue
Tried on an Easter Sunday
And didn't make it out alive
[Chorus]
The Cake-Whiskey Paradox
Is God's advice
To bake a cake on every morning
And then
To get drunk at night!
[Yodeling Bridge]
[Verse]
And, also, too,
A related scientific line
Explains why every Emo song
Was what went wrong
When there was showtune-writing
On a tequila-kinda night!
[Yodeled Emo Outro]
https://dl.dropbox.com/s/elrkgubox5dk4tx...x.m4a?dl=0
The Cake-Whiskey Paradox
[Spoken Intro]
Perhaps you've heard of the little-known but well-loved "Cake-Whiskey Paradox": cake-baking correlates directly with happiness, while whiskey-drinking correlates inversely.
This explains why it is impossible to bake a cake while drunk on whiskey..
A companion theory proposes that it must also be impossible to make a whiskey cake.
The scientific types are split as to the correctness of this theory. Some endorse it wholeheartedly, but a growing minority speculates that any attempt to do so would yield a horseshoe-shaped entity comprising hot toddies at one pole and cake-dragon eggs on the other. Then, the universe would implode.
For obvious reasons, this theory has never been tested.
Interestingly, a near-analogue of the Cake-Whiskey Paradox explains why all Emo music is the result of failed attempts to write showtunes while drunk on tequila
[Verse 1-a]
Did you bake a cake?
Sugar, did you bake a cake?
Did it ease your mind?
Did it make you ha-a-a-a-ap-ily
Leave your woes behind?
[Verse 1-b]
And did you take a shot of whiskey when
Your hands were numb from cryin'?
And did it make you weeeee--ee--heep
Like your mee-maw'd died?
[Verse 1]
I'll bet it's true
You've done each in your life
You can't ba-a-a-a-ke a caaaa-eek
On your whiskey drinkin' nights
[Verse 2]
Well, you always hear a rumor
That somebody's dead Aunt Sue
Tried on an Easter Sunday
And didn't make it out alive
[Chorus]
The Cake-Whiskey Paradox
Is God's advice
To bake a cake on every morning
And then
To get drunk at night!
[Yodeling Bridge]
[Verse]
And, also, too,
A related scientific line
Explains why every Emo song
Was what went wrong
When there was showtune-writing
On a tequila-kinda night!
[Yodeled Emo Outro]
A yak is normal.