09-10-2014, 11:06 AM
september tomato
slips the fork;
the salad is over.
slips the fork;
the salad is over.
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ripe
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09-10-2014, 11:24 AM
Yes, good image. salad days?
09-10-2014, 11:41 AM
Thanks Mercedes. Sometimes I'm so blocked I just wanna get 10 words right. Or half of them at least.
 Did you mean Salad Days as a title?
09-12-2014, 08:24 AM
(09-10-2014, 11:06 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: september tomato At first I thought: " 'Tomato' is a season word for summer, but that's ok I guess... " BUT THEN I realized that by specifying that it was a 'september tomato' meant that the salad really WAS over since there ain't gonna be no tomatoes 'til next year. Wonderful.
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
09-12-2014, 09:16 AM
Paul,
Although your poem is already concise, I think a small edit might give it more punch...or not. Just a suggestion. september tomato slips fork; salad over. To me it just seems more rhythmically sound, so it has more energy. Just my feel of it. I might change my mind tomorrow Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't. |
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