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[Anonymous]

EDITED: (thanks @fogglethrope)

The Child In Me Died

I dreamed to use my lyre
to strum the world to sleep,
so their stress would fade away
with the reverb off the walls;
with the harmonies that stilled its soul,
hearts coalesce.

I dreamed to write a novel
so I could pave the steps
into my imagination;
I conjure up an idea,
you find a divergent interpretation.

But through all my avocations,
I assumed you would be there.
But with you gone,
I forgot the hues in my life,
and began to see the world
in black and white.

[Anonymous]

Thanks foggle! Your feedback has been very helpful! The diction i used was superfluous. And i agree with you, the last stanza is futile

[Wjames]

EDITED: (thanks @fogglethrope)

The Child In Me Died

I dreamed to use my lyre
to strum the world to sleep, I would switch one of your "to's" to a something else. You use "to" three times in the first two lines. I.E changing the first line to "I dreamt I used my lyre"
so their stress would fade away
with the reverb off the walls; I don't think "off the walls" adds anything. Consider cutting it.
with the harmonies that stilled its soul,
hearts coalesce. This hearts coalesce line comes about very abruptly after describing the music. I'm confused as to whether the hearts are coalsecing with the music or other hearts.

I dreamed to write a novel
so I could pave the steps
into my imagination;
I conjure up an idea, This is implied in the first three lines of the stanza.
you find a divergent interpretation. Divergent interpretation is awkward to me.

But through all my avocations, Avocations is a strange word. If you can say the same thing in a simpler way that more people can understand, why would you use such a fancy word?
I assumed you would be there.
But with you gone,
I forgot the hues in my life,
and began to see the world
in black and white.

Just my thoughts as I read the poem. I think it's pretty good, you've lost your muse. The first edit helped quite a bit.