There is no December

[cjchaffin]

The cold hands of January
grasp at February’s promise,
the warmth of March
always just out of reach.

You rub my shoulders,
kiss away the ache
as April continues her rain
over gentle, submissive May.

We sing the song of the whippoorwill,
its haunting anthem spilling
out across the valley floor
when June gives in to July

and August crowns the summer sky.
September will leave
when the colors bleed,
October betrayed by the coming frost.

What will you do
when November comes,
when ice and pain
move in to claim my breath?

Comfort me.
Smile with me.
Lie to me.
Tell me there is no December.

[ajcohen613]

The cold hands of January
grasp at February’s promise,
I don't see the significance of February's promise..does February promise the warmth of March?
the warmth of March
always just out of reach.

You rub my shoulders,
kiss away the ache
as April continues her rain
over gentle, submissive May. When I think of these months, rain doesn't usually come to mind. It almost seems as if you've depicted March as the warmer month and these two as more or less rainy. Not that April doesn't see showers, it just seems odd here.

We sing the song of the whippoorwill,
its haunting anthem spilling a song spilling? I don't know, seems like an awkward move for me.
out across the valley floor
when June gives in to July

and August crowns the summer sky.
September will leave
when the colors bleed,
October betrayed by the coming frost.

What will you do
when November comes,
when ice and pain
move in to claim my breath?

Comfort me.
Smile with me.
Lie to me.
Tell me there is no December.

Hope my notes help! Thanks for the read.

[cjchaffin]

thanks aj

i live in the U.S. Pacific Northwest and we experience all four seasons here...they progress pretty predictably through the calendar and that's reflected here. Jan & Feb are pretty cold, March warms up and starts the rainy season through the end of May, June and July even warmer...and so on. but i can see how that might be odd if you're not familiar with the weather patterns of the narrator's environment. thank the gods for variety!

i'll think on your comment about the song spilling. thanks for the thoughtful feedback.

[ajcohen613]

thanks aj

i live in the U.S. Pacific Northwest and we experience all four seasons here...they progress pretty predictably through the calendar and that's reflected here. Jan & Feb are pretty cold, March warms up and starts the rainy season through the end of May, June and July even warmer...and so on. but i can see how that might be odd if you're not familiar with the weather patterns of the narrator's environment. thank the gods for variety!

i'll think on your comment about the song spilling. thanks for the thoughtful feedback.

Ahh, that rainy place. My roommate is from an island near Seattle and often grieves over the plethora of rain. Maybe making the fact that this is a specifically northwestern type of seasonal poem? Anyways, best of luck.

[Anonymous]

The cold hands of January
grasp at February’s promise, change this comma to a semicolon for easier reading?
the warmth of March
always just out of reach.

You rub my shoulders,
kiss away the ache
as April continues her rain
over gentle, submissive May. great line to end a beautiful stanza

We sing the song of the whippoorwill,
its haunting anthem crooning
out across the valley floor
when June gives in to July

and August crowns the summer sky.
September will leave
when the colors bleed, outstanding
October betrayed by the coming frost.

What will you do
when November comes,
when ice and pain the word "pain" seems forced here to achieve the internal rhyme you have set up. Pain is neurons reacting to a wound in the body; it is an alarm to the person enduring a wound to get help quickly. Thus, simply pain cannot kill someone, or claim their breath.
move in to claim my breath?

Comfort me.
Smile with me.
Lie to me.
Tell me there is no December.

Really, really, really enjoyed this poem. It's creative, eloquent, and pretty. Thanks for the read, not a lot I would change.

That small pain tirade i went on is merely an option. The word still works fine in the poem.

[ray]

Nice poem. I think 3rd and 4th verses are rather good. I have trouble viewing May as a submissive month.
Maybe as April's rain continues would flow better - pun intended.

[cjchaffin]

anonymous, ray -

thank you both for your input. i greatly appreciate the feedback!