Ants In the Bed

[crow]

I am going to attempt a more robust case for this soon--which is, either a sub forum or, perhaps, a set of criteria for assessing Eric. For now, I would be curious to know if the audio under the words should have come first. Additionally, in this format, do things like initially capped lines serve a function? Anyway, I just wanted to throw that out there. Thanks! (I'm more than a little proud of this--hack at it all you want, but don't think I'm posting trash deliberately!)

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Ants in the Bed

You can't do nothin', honey,
If there's ants in the bed.
You shoulda' watched where you
Were tossin' them crumbs.

Now your old lady, funny,
Is up at her Dad's, and
You got nowhere to be but alone . . .

Hidurgiddya hidurgiddya

You're doing laundry at a quarter past one
You need your baby
Back
And you'll put up with the tasks
If it'll bring your little sweetie back home.

Go! Go! Go! Go!

In ancient Egypt, ants, and on the dock of the bay, ants were in the old Romeo's drawers.
They couldn't see 'em--ants--and ow! They wouldn't obey,
But somehow love was fine with ants until today!

Hidurgiddya hidurgiddya
Hominahumina hey!

There were ants it's true in the garden of Eden--ants--
And ants were in the ark and no anteaters would eat 'em.
When Harry Met Sally, there were ants underground. Ants.
And when that guy read the notebook
There were ants on the page. Ants.

Hubbadubana humanawala
Tugadoodlea woodleboodle dubadawa

Snow White?
Ants.
But Rapunzel was clean
Until the ants made there way up her hair. Ants.
The little mermaid had sea fleas, and the Beast he had lice,
But there were ants on Alladin,
He was perfectly fine.

Hamamamanama yeeee!

Hunter Thompson had ants
His farm was only skin deep. Ants.
And ants they have ants and they will not go away!

Let's sleep with our ants!

Audio: https://www.dropbox.com/s/1slpe0iga3fsqem/Ant_Bed.mp3

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If the above link is out-of-service, try this:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/1slpe0iga3fsqem/Ant_Bed.mp3

[ellajam]

Hi, crow, enjoyed it. I'm not sure that the nonsense lines really add anything. They keep a smiling going, but the poem itself does that, it already has a nonsense quality to it while it actually makes sense, I'd like to hear how it sounds moving right along without the nonsense breaks.

If you're keeping "He was perfectly fine." the addition of "I mean nice" would work in print as well, it did stop me in the read. The dropped "back" doesn't work as well in print as in voice, maybe you could stretch it, baaaaack.

I don't really get what the capitalized lines add, and I'd prefer Snow White's ants up on her line with the rest of them.

Just a few thoughts, fun piece though it does make me itch a bit, I've got nothing against an occasional roaming ant, but in my bed or pants? Nah, same way I'd rather not go back to the stench of olde. Better clean up.

[billy]

hi crow, it would be much better if you put it somewhere where it doesn't need downloading like youtube, i personally never download anything off here to my pc, it also puts another level in front of the reader who probably doesn't want to spend time downloading and leaving the page they;re on.

the non english lines (jibberish) didn't work at all and in truth i wanted to get through the poem as quick as i could. the first three main stanza were okay but it kinda went downhill from then on.

[poe]

Enjoyable. Good stuff. Will get back.