Newbie attempt

[sandraleigh05]

I cross out words, I crumple paper
I rhyme and I un-rhyme
I'm inspired then uninspired
And I lose all sense of time.
I talk myself in circles and I
Write my pencil to dust.
Trying to create something perfect enough
But there's nothing I can trust.
I fill up pages, I burn letters
I write books and then I dream
Of how I could ever explain to you
These words aren't what they seem.
I have secrets, there are feelings
I have thoughts and relentless memories
Mixed emotions you'd disapprove of
And guilty solace in sweet reverie.
I find distraction, I feel empty
I need this clock to just slow down
I can't breathe, It's just one symptom
Of this madness that I've found.

[billy]

what sticks out for me are the I's, it fels a little full of them. i do get the sense of you reinforcing the I but for me a lot of them could be replaced with a comma. or an and etc i also think you could use a few more detailed images but overall it has feeling of the frustrated poet. cut away all the stuff that isn't needed to have a marked improvement.

I cross out words, I crumple paper
I rhyme and I un-rhyme
I'm inspired then uninspired
And I lose all sense of time.
I talk myself in circles and I
Write my pencil to dust.
Trying to create something perfect enough
But there's nothing I can trust.
I fill up pages, I burn letters
I write books and then I dream
Of how I could ever explain to you
These words aren't what they seem.
I have secrets, there are feelings
I have thoughts and relentless memories
Mixed emotions you'd disapprove of
And guilty solace in sweet reverie.
I find distraction, I feel empty
I need this clock to just slow down
I can't breathe, It's just one symptom
Of this madness that I've found.

[John Galt]

I thought an underlying theme was being generated beneath the "trying to write a poem."
A letter to someone wronged perhaps, (I like how it is directed at the reader too.)

The piece can be made stronger for a reader such as I by cutting out superfluous wording,
and therefore gaining flow and pace. (maybe something like below) Thank you .JG

I fill up pages, burn letters, write books, dream
Of how I could ever explain to you
these words aren't what they seem.
I have secrets, feelings, thoughts,
relentless memories, mixed emotions
you'd disapprove of.
And guilty solace in sweet reverie.