Tidal Serge-a tribute. edit 0.0001 tiger, leanne

[tectak]

The Serge is passed, but no bore he; his wall of words that flooded out,
channelling a rough gouged course, was fine by me. I read him well
by taking out the rage and fear, what there remained is ever held upon
the page; but you must look to see or sometimes even peer.
This man of gods and devils made another world where words were food;
sated by the feast he stuffed himself replete and vomited his wild excess
on to the plates of all of us who got too close. Forensically, we few who took the chance
to look at what was there, a potent cocktail, that would and did kill many a man,
was slow to work its other poisons...thank god for that at least. Sergical procedures
had him laughing to his end wherever that would be...he was my friend.
We never met, like best friends never should. He could not stay the while it took
to put a root into some common and accepted place but chose to race against
reality and by his speed reach ecstacy before the time had come to simply shake a hand
and say "Hello". This then, cannot be goodbye. The Gurkski gondola has tied up to a final post;
though moored loose he will not leave again. No need for chains against this slackening tide, Serge;
hold fast and one day, we all will come to you.
For Serge Gurkski
(We know where you are and you are barred for life.)

[LorettaYoung]

iHi tectak: I thought I saw a spelling error (banish the thought), but then realized Sergical was very clever; I particularly liked how you showed his race against reality. The last line brings the kind of humor Serge would have enjoyed. Loretta

[tectak]

iHi tectak: I thought I saw a spelling error (banish the thought), but then realized Sergical was very clever; I particularly liked how you showed his race against reality. The last line brings the kind of humor Serge would have enjoyed. Loretta

Thanks Loretta.
Sad.
tectak

[Tiger the Lion]

Excellent work. I am very new to much of this and didn't know Serge. I feel I do now, at least a little. The poem engaged me so much with clever word choices and a style I relate to, that I read it and reread it, and found myself googling Serge's work. Wanting to get to know him (and the poem) better. I think that's a big accomplishment for a poem of this type.
I do have some questions about the punctuation. I'm a big fan of impossibly long sentences, but always get a headache trying to punctuate them. I think the first 2 occasions you use "..." are natural and correct. The 3rd use between "place" and "but" seems different. Like it wants to be a comma.
I look forward to seeing more comments on this. Thanks for the wonderful read/journey.

[Leanne]

Serge and I didn't always get on, but his was a genuine talent and a mind worth remembering. He was a man of complicated passions and the world is richer for his life.

I fixed your spelling mistake but I do think you should reconsider some of the ellipses. Though they are Serge-like, they are not necessarily Tom-writing-about-Serge-like. Love the last line!

[tectak]

Serge and I didn't always get on, but his was a genuine talent and a mind worth remembering. He was a man of complicated passions and the world is richer for his life.

I fixed your spelling mistake but I do think you should reconsider some of the ellipses. Though they are Serge-like, they are not necessarily Tom-writing-about-Serge-like. Love the last line!

Yes, he was a hard act to follow alrighty. You and another are right about that last ellipsis. I don't know why it was there. Wot speling mustake?
Best,
Tom

[Leanne]

It's not there now, I fixed it

[billy]

yes, he's barred but not in spirit, no critique here except to say nicely done. while a bit...a lot wild, he wrote some really good poetry. I spoke with serge on the phone a few times and discussed life and beer and beer and life and poetry and music and beer. he was definitely a passionate man.

[tectak]

yes, he's barred but not in spirit, no critique here except to say nicely done. while a bit...a lot wild, he wrote some really good poetry. I spoke with serge on the phone a few times and discussed life and beer and beer and life and poetry and music and beer. he was definitely a passionate man.

.....it was only a life ban so we can expect him back any time
tectak

[bena]

i miss him...even his drunken raving calls at 2 am to tell me about a new jazz piece he'd written. Strangely enough, he was banned from my site as well, but that didn't make him less of a poet or friend. He would have enjoyed this piece. He also probably would never believe how many lives he touched, even in a rough way---he brought out emotion in people.

[Todd]

I'm going to break the rules of serious critique, and not critique anything. I like the tribute Tom. I'm sad Serge is no longer with us. He may have been at times exasperating (which is true about just about anyone) but I liked him. His passing is a loss.

[ChristopherSea]

I like the play on his name in the title and body. However, that inversion 'but no bore he' is a stretch for a rhyme Tom. What about something like, 'never weary'.

PS: Now that we know a permanent banning means death, most should be on their best behavior. I never met the man or poet, but remember him, as he was banned the week I joined. Perhaps we could have a moment of unbanning in his honor.

[bena]

Thanks to his blog I can still read his words. This is the last thing he wrote before he died, and I think no one will mind me posting it here...it was a bit prophetic.

” it reduces hardware to minimum”

i am
faux
kissin
on
doves
oneaday
nough:
comme ici:
today this sole dove sank down
on pebbles
fucked up (I) like(d) me her.
=
fucked up like me
i lked her
today this

[Brownlie]

I'm not sure what happened to him, but I do vaguely remember having some exchanges with the man.

The Serge is passed, but no bore he; his wall of words that flooded out, --- I'm not sure if that article before the semicolon is grammatically sound.

channelling a rough gouged course, was fine by me. I read him well
by taking out the rage and fear, what there remained is ever held upon
the page; but you must look to see or sometimes even peer. -- I think your syntax is a little off here. Maybe, what remained there if that doesn't screw up any metrical patterns. "ever held" also seems a bit awkward.
This man of gods and devils made another world where words were food;
sated by the feast he stuffed himself replete and vomited his wild excess
on to the plates of all of us who got too close. Forensically, we few who took the chance -- Not a bad bit of enjambment here.

to look at what was there, a potent cocktail, that would and did kill many a man,
was slow to work its other poisons...thank god for that at least. Sergical procedures
had him laughing to his end wherever that would be...he was my friend.
We never met, like best friends never should. He could not stay the while it took -- I'm not sure about repeating the word never.

to put a root into some common and accepted place but chose to race against
reality and by his speed reach ecstacy before the time had come to simply shake a hand
and say "Hello". This then, cannot be goodbye. The Gurkski gondola has tied up to a final post; -- Period inside the quotes.

though moored loose he will not leave again. No need for chains against this slackening tide, Serge;
hold fast and one day, we all will come to you.
For Serge Gurkski -- Maybe put the dedication in the beginning.

(We know where you are and you are barred for life.) -- This might go well in the beginning too.

There are some cool near homophonic puns on the name Serge in this piece. I made some quick comments. Thanks for posting. What happened to him?

[bena]

He was suffering from long-term alcoholism and liver disease. Last year he also developed congestive heart failure and COPD. I'm not sure exactly what killed him, but he was very ill for years.

As a PS...we joked about racing each other to death. I'm not sure if he won, or I did.

[tectak]

I like the play on his name in the title and body. However, that inversion 'but no bore he' is a stretch for a rhyme Tom. What about something like, 'never weary'.

PS: Now that we know a permanent banning means death, most should be on their best behavior. I never met the man or poet, but remember him, as he was banned the week I joined. Perhaps we could have a moment of unbanning in his honor.

Ah chris, you missed it! Play on the word "bore". Do try and keep up
bore 3 (bôr, br)
n.
A high, often dangerous wave caused by the surge of a flood tide upstream in a narrowing estuary or by colliding tidal currents. Also called eagre.
[Middle English bare, wave, from Old Norse bra; see bher-1 in Indo-European roots.]...and he was never a bore!
Best,
tectak

[Brownlie]

He was suffering from long-term alcoholism and liver disease. Last year he also developed congestive heart failure and COPD. I'm not sure exactly what killed him, but he was very ill for years.

As a PS...we joked about racing each other to death. I'm not sure if he won, or I did.

When I think about the nettling influence of drugs in my life, it is just absurd. I mean, seriously, what the hell! I wonder about burning the candle bright at both ends, it's more like people getting caught in cyclical patterns.

---

He was suffering from long-term alcoholism and liver disease. Last year he also developed congestive heart failure and COPD. I'm not sure exactly what killed him, but he was very ill for years.

As a PS...we joked about racing each other to death. I'm not sure if he won, or I did.

When I think about the nettling influence of drugs in my life, it is just absurd. I mean, seriously, what the hell! I wonder about burning the candle bright at both ends, it's more like people getting caught in cyclical patterns. Perhaps Nettling is the wrong word as that suggests Heroin, but I've seen people dealing with that too I suppose. There's my tangent sorry Tec.

[tectak]

I'm going to break the rules of serious critique, and not critique anything. I like the tribute Tom. I'm sad Serge is no longer with us. He may have been at times exasperating (which is true about just about anyone) but I liked him. His passing is a loss.

Off message, todd, but stay strong. Mothers and fathers leave us early or leave us late. That is how it is but no one says it should be easy when the time comes. Right of passage.
Best,
tectak

---

He was suffering from long-term alcoholism and liver disease. Last year he also developed congestive heart failure and COPD. I'm not sure exactly what killed him, but he was very ill for years.

As a PS...we joked about racing each other to death. I'm not sure if he won, or I did.

When I think about the nettling influence of drugs in my life, it is just absurd. I mean, seriously, what the hell! I wonder about burning the candle bright at both ends, it's more like people getting caught in cyclical patterns.

---

He was suffering from long-term alcoholism and liver disease. Last year he also developed congestive heart failure and COPD. I'm not sure exactly what killed him, but he was very ill for years.

As a PS...we joked about racing each other to death. I'm not sure if he won, or I did.

When I think about the nettling influence of drugs in my life, it is just absurd. I mean, seriously, what the hell! I wonder about burning the candle bright at both ends, it's more like people getting caught in cyclical patterns. Perhaps Nettling is the wrong word as that suggests Heroin, but I've seen people dealing with that too I suppose. There's my tangent sorry Tec.

Yes. Me too.Tangents only touch at one point. Maybe that is to the good.
Tectak

[Heartafire]

Tec, thank you for the lovely tribute to Serge, he admired you tremendously, your writing and tenacity, in fact he admired everyone here at Pig Pen and as you know "may" have over-reacted to his going away present because this little forum was important to him. As with most things, he eventually took a "sober" look at events and logic took hold. Roby was very important to me for many years, we were a big part of each others lives and I am devastated by his loss. His father notified me of his death on April 5th, and his cause of death, but I will not go into that. I just want to say thank you. that he would be pleased with this wonderful piece you have written for him; presenting him with such a fine going away present this time. I imagine the smile on his face.
Holly