Play it again Sam

[Carousal]

Play it again Sam

The Bowl, the Garden, I've played them all
Las Vegas in the September Fall
Caesars, Stardust, and the Sands
Obliging girls the one night stands
My face on all the magazines
Penthouse keys, stretch limousines
~
Still singing through my autumn years
Though the young don’t want to hear
My greying hair is touched with blue
I sing the old songs, nothing new
Though the voice is clear,
the pitch still perfect
I’m booked to sing the granny circuit
~
But I’ll never quit the spotlight glare
Push me on in my old wheel chair
I’ll sing for a dollar or one thin dime
Strike up the band, just one more time
This aging idol doesn't give a damn
So give me the intro, play it Sam

[Deaf Cat in the Blue Hat]

I've never personally been to Vegas, but you did a good job of drawing me there; I liked your poem a lot

Some quick notes - if I read the first two lines without 'I've' in the first and 'the' in the second it's perfect iambic quadrameter and has a much more natural rhythm to it. Adding 'At' to the beginning of the third line extends the same meter very simply. Many of the instances of 'the' aren't necessary and a few of the prepositions could be edited to two-syllable forms to improve the meter as well.

First line of last stanza - usual grammar rules apply and beginning with a conjunction throws off the feel of it.

Some phrases are a bit tired like 'still singing' and 'greying hair' and could easily be spiced up and amp up the intrigue of the poem with simple metaphors.

It's a good piece that I think could be excellent with some creativity and technicality applied.

[iamlauramazing]

I love this. I think the rhyme scheme is a little cheesy, but, I really love the thought behind it.

[chrisgas]

I'm cliche and cheesy, so I like it. "Then it's time to bomb it" I hear you say!
The second line in the second stanza, could you play with "fear/fears" rather than "hear". Another cheesy rhyme!

[Hippolytus]

Really like the melancholic feel of this poem - a fading star refusing to burn out. You do a good job of leading us along a fine line between pity ('the young don't want to hear'; 'i'll sing for a dollar or one thin dime') and respect for his tenacity ('this aging idol doesn't give a damn'). Really nice

[Carousal]

I'm cliche and cheesy, so I like it. "Then it's time to bomb it" I hear you say!
The second line in the second stanza, could you play with "fear/fears" rather than "hear". Another cheesy rhyme!

No, there is a difference.

This poem is all dialogue, the old pop idol speaking, would he use perfect English or avoid the odd cliche? Of course not, how many of us do?

If you want to give authenticity to dialogue it’s a point worth remembering.

Regards Cari.

[billy]

it's quite likable, i think the meter needs a little work, if you can make it constant it will improve the read no end,

Play it again Sam

The Bowl, the Garden, I've played them all
Las Vegas in the September Fall
Caesars, Stardust, and the Sands
Obliging girls the one night stands
My face on all the magazines
Penthouse keys, stretch limousines
~
Still singing through my autumn years
Though the young don’t want to hear
My greying hair is touched with blue
I sing the old songs, nothing new
Though the voice is clear,
the pitch still perfect
I’m booked to sing the granny circuit these three lines could use better meter.
~
But I’ll never quit the spotlight glare is but needed?
Push me on in my old wheel chair
I’ll sing for a dollar or one thin dime
Strike up the band, just one more time
This aging idol doesn't give a damn
So give me the intro, play it Sam is so needed

[ChristopherSea]

I enjoyed it and a river of icons, from Liberace to Neil Diamond, strobed through my mind as I read this. I am impressed that you got the Humphrey Bogart quote correct in the poem, as he never said, 'play it again Sam' in Casablanca, it was, 'play it Sam.' I would change the title to match, but I do understand the implication of 'again' in the context of your poem.

Did you know that Bogart did not say, 'Tennis anyone?' in the movie Sabrina either. It was simply, 'Tennis?' Folks love to embellish quotes as they do stories.

[chrisgas]

I'm cliche and cheesy, so I like it. "Then it's time to bomb it" I hear you say!
The second line in the second stanza, could you play with "fear/fears" rather than "hear". Another cheesy rhyme!

No, there is a difference.

This poem is all dialogue, the old pop idol speaking, would he use perfect English or avoid the odd cliche? Of course not, how many of us do?

If you want to give authenticity to dialogue it’s a point worth remembering.

Regards Cari.

Sorry Cari, I wasn't trying to be clever. Cos I know I am not! I'll remember your point. Thanks.