Come Leaves Burst v3

[tectak]

Then let me consider your blind stag, and get back to you.

OK, I will hold my mortared tricuspid until I see your hind.
Bèst,
tectak

[WordJunky]

First and foremost, thank you for your soulful expression. The truth is that i am by no means a poet, English major, nor am i a major of anything at all. If my opinion comes off as "Naive", its because it more than likely is. With that being said;

As i stated, i am no literary scholar nor a scholar of anything, besides crime maybe...
The title has potential to "pop", but as someone previously stated, it lacks punctuation, it has no "definition". "Come leaves, burst!" is more exciting in my opinion and "Spring leaves burst" seems more appropriate, in the matter of no punctuation. "Spring leaves" also gives a hint as to what your poem is going to be about. Opening a chance for the less analytical reader, (such as myself) giving them more of an idea of what the poem is to be about, yielding simplicity to pieces of such eloquence, "rendering understanding for multiple levels of comprehension of creative expression in such creations.
Overall, I enjoyed it in the fact that it kept my mind busy. It kept my perceptions on edge, questioning what meaning means to someone other than myself. I felt it hard to read in ease of "flow", only as a result of my own reading comprehension.
Enjoyable and much appreciated!!!

[jeremyyoung]

Thank for your feedback Wordjunky

As a certificated autodidact, pHd, with honours, I value your opinion without CV.

One thing I do know, when I have thought about the feedback, and considered things, an exclamation mark will not be involved... ghastly things. But your point about structure is well made.

tectak
I'm not sure what that is in your hand, but it appears to be leaking.

[tectak]

Thank for your feedback Wordjunky

As a certificated autodidact, pHd, with honours, I value your opinion without CV.

One thing I do know, when I have thought about the feedback, and considered things, an exclamation mark will not be involved... ghastly things. But your point about structure is well made.

tectak
I'm not sure what that is in your hand, but it appears to be leaking.

...a blind stag, perhaps
Tectak

[jeremyyoung]

Looks like a cement tricycle to me, but I never could speak Greek.

[WordJunky]

Thank for your feedback Wordjunky

As a certificated autodidact, pHd, with honours, I value your opinion without CV.

One thing I do know, when I have thought about the feedback, and considered things, an exclamation mark will not be involved... ghastly things. But your point about structure is well made.

tectak
I'm not sure what that is in your hand, but it appears to be leaking.

Once again thank you for your share, also for your response.

Such credentials deserve commendation, we must have studied at the same university..

[jeremyyoung]

I fear not, my alma mater was burned down by an angry schizophrenic. I was forced to complete my course in a garden shed. I feel certain I would have noticed another pupil, especially during rag week.

[tectak]

Looks like a cement tricycle to me, but I never could speak Greek.

You surprise me...
Best,
tectak

[milo]

house glows cream egg yolk polished tooth

this reads like seven random words.
they all read like English.
Too bad the sentence doesn't.

[jeremyyoung]

Oh yeah, I forgot the reader is passive.

[tectak]

Oh yeah, I forgot the reader is passive.

Actually Jeremy, with all respect, you forgot the reader...
Best,
tectak

[jeremyyoung]

No, the reader is foremost in my mind.

[71degrees]

No, the reader is foremost in my mind.

Took a class once w/a guy named Bill Knott. He told me poetry is about writing a poem that has personal investment. The reader that matters will recognize it.

Of the three versions on the board. #2 has my vote.

[jeremyyoung]

To an extent I agree.

1, is a bit tricksy - pseudo poetry I believe one harsh critic described it - lot's of runs and triples.
2 is a part process piece to experiment with word placement in a free form structure - the grammar police were unhappy with that
3 is in partly a reinforcement of the process contained within 2, and partly about the sounds I am looking for, and also rhythm - it's something I was experimenting with in the After Satie piece - and is a very useful exercise in preventing yourself from trying to impose meaning too early in the process.

I am aware that 3 is a heresy among many, but for those who get the modernist abstraction of the relationship between the reader and the poem it is proving rather popular.

Which leads to the question, to satisfy the literalists, what is a dreak sun?

Which is something I am pondering, when not picking up on the useful lessons the process is teaching me with regard to other work.... for instance the poem I wrote today, Dusk, which is a literalists ideal poem.

[71degrees]

To an extent I agree.

1, is a bit tricksy - pseudo poetry I believe one harsh critic described it - lot's of runs and triples.
2 is a part process piece to experiment with word placement in a free form structure - the grammar police were unhappy with that
3 is in partly a reinforcement of the process contained within 2, and partly about the sounds I am looking for, and also rhythm - it's something I was experimenting with in the After Satie piece - and is a very useful exercise in preventing yourself from trying to impose meaning too early in the process.

I am aware that 3 is a heresy among many, but for those who get the modernist abstraction of the relationship between the reader and the poem it is proving rather popular.

Which leads to the question, to satisfy the literalists, what is a dreak sun?

Which is something I am pondering, when not picking up on the useful lessons the process is teaching me with regard to other work.... for instance the poem I wrote today, Dusk, which is a literalists ideal poem.

Check the definition for "dreak" in the Urban Dictionary. I doubt poetry literalists are hanging their hats in there too often, but they should. In my book, there's a time and place for all words. Bernie Taupin, Billy Joel, Sammy Kahn…all wonderful poets and players w/words. Literalists sneer, shut the door, and shake their fists at, in their words, such drivel. Whitman had the right idea. He'd have a ball today.

[jeremyyoung]

Ooooops....

I thought I had made the word up..... clearly not....

[ChristopherSea]

Intriguing metamorphosis Jeremy:

version one: impressionistic watercolor/the most beautiful (my favorite)

version two: realism in acrylic/the most clarity (honorable mention)

version three: abstract oil/jabberwocky (better when on acid)