The smell of death outside my door

[Erthona]

.

I smell death outside my door,
so much stronger than before.
I ask the muse, why? Her reply,
"all things must die" she says,
still she loves me as before.

What has her love gotten me,
ashes in a moldy sack, and her
love without a dollar-fifty
won’t get me a cup of coffee,
which the doctors say
I can no longer sup, nor the sugar,
nor the cream. I might as well stay asleep,
for I can have that and more in my dreams.

[tectak]

.

I smell death outside my door,
so much stronger than before.
I ask the muse, why? Her reply,
"all things must die she says,
still she loves me as before".

What has her love gotten me,?
“ashes in a moldy sack”, and her why quotes?
love without a dollar-fifty
won’t get me a cup of coffee,
which the doctors say
I can no longer sup, nor the sugar,
nor the cream. I might as well stay asleep,
for I can have that and more in my dreams. Nice.

Hi Dale,
....I'm starting to lose my sense of smell...how lucky are you?

How much did the muse say?
1) All things must die
2) All things must die she says.
3) All things must die she says, still she loves me as before.
Hmmm. It is not clear to me.
Best,
Tectak

[Erthona]

Thanks Tom,

I fixed the quote problem.

"I'm starting to lose my sense of smell...how lucky are you?"

Not when something dies right outside, or under your house and you have that wonderful aroma permeating everything.

But yes, I know what you mean. When I first started having to wear this cpap thing it killed my sense of smell for several weeks. I was in a bit of a panic thinking it was gone forever, but as you can see it came back.

Dale

[ChristopherSea]

Cpap is usually employed for pulmonary trouble or sleep apnea? However, those don't come with the dietary restrictions you mention. I hope you are improving. Glad you have your olfactory perception restored.

I almost read that as 'ass in a moldy sack', which is what a dead squirrel in my wall smelled like before I could neutralize it. Although roasted skunk on a spit comes to mind too, so I get the ashes. Thanks for the read.

[Erthona]

"ass in a moldy sack" would be somewhat apropos

Thanks,

Dale

[ellajam]

.

I smell death outside my door,
so much stronger than before.
I ask the muse, why? Her reply,
"all things must die" she says,
still she loves me as before.

What has her love gotten me,
ashes in a moldy sack, and her
love without a dollar-fifty
won’t get me a cup of coffee,
which the doctors say
I can no longer sup, nor the sugar,
nor the cream. I might as well stay asleep,
for I can have that and more in my dreams.

Hey, dale, nice one.

I love all the little rhymes scattered around the weighty subject. I might have raised "love" up to the line above.

The dollar-fifty made me laugh, we always say "That and a buck fifty gets you on the subway". I think it's 2 bucks now, and the saying probably started when it was a nickel.

I like the clarity of this, gives me a heartache instead of a headache. Thanks for posting it.

[Erthona]

Thanks for your comments and insight fogglethorpe,

"My only reservation is that it starts with a trochaic rhythm, and establishes a rhyme..then, once I settle in it changes."

Yes, that was purposeful, whether it works or not, well... that is up to the reader's judgment.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks Marcella,

better a heartache than a headache any day.

Dale

[NobodyNothing]

Hi. Thanks for the read. I was thinking (could be wrong, I usually am) that those two lines...

love without a dollar-fifty
won't get me a cup of coffee

...just might read better as...

love without a dollar-fifty
will not buy a cup of coffee

I don't know, probably not.

Anyway...tender regards, and thanks again for the read.

[tectak]

Cpap is usually employed for pulmonary trouble or sleep apnea? However, those don't come with the dietary restrictions you mention. I hope you are improving. Glad you have your olfactory perception restored.
[b]Chris. Point of order. This is not the place BUT if you are a victim of sleep apnea you are probably obese...so losing weight is the first corrective measure! Write about that
I almost read that as 'ass in a moldy sack', which is what a dead squirrel in my wall smelled like before I could neutralize it. Although roasted skunk on a spit comes to mind too, so I get the ashes. Thanks for the read.[/b]

[ChristopherSea]

Cpap is usually employed for pulmonary trouble or sleep apnea? However, those don't come with the dietary restrictions you mention. I hope you are improving. Glad you have your olfactory perception restored.
[b]Chris. Point of order. This is not the place BUT if you are a victim of sleep apnea you are probably obese...so losing weight is the first corrective measure! Write about that
I almost read that as 'ass in a moldy sack', which is what a dead squirrel in my wall smelled like before I could neutralize it. Although roasted skunk on a spit comes to mind too, so I get the ashes. Thanks for the read.[/b]

Ah, I see...

[jeremyyoung]

I like the first verse, the second is a little bottom heavy and confused.

The first verse has a playful quality, it is sharply pointed, and witty.

[Erthona]

Yes, it does go to a longer line, less peppy.

Thanks,

Dale

---

NobodyNothing,
Yes it is kind of slangy, which was my intent, doesn't mean it works. I'll keep that in mind when I revisit it later.

Thanks,

Dale