Poetry Telephone Complete!

[milo]

Mine was very rushed and is gawd awful. Of course in a forty eight hour period you don't get to actually spend forty eight hours working on the poem.

Peter gave some pretty detailed comments on yours over at AAPC (being that he followed you)

[Truerenigma]

Mine was very rushed and is gawd awful. Of course in a forty eight hour period you don't get to actually spend forty eight hours working on the poem.

Peter gave some pretty detailed comments on yours over at AAPC (being that he followed you)

ok

[milo]

Mine was very rushed and is gawd awful. Of course in a forty eight hour period you don't get to actually spend forty eight hours working on the poem.

Peter gave some pretty detailed comments on yours over at AAPC (being that he followed you)

ok

looks like he also gave helpful comments on just mercedes', ellajam's and tomoffing's (which he declares the best of the bunch rather convincingly)

[Truerenigma]

Peter gave some pretty detailed comments on yours over at AAPC (being that he followed you)

ok

looks like he also gave helpful comments on just mercedes', ellajam's and tomoffing's (which he declares the best of the bunch rather convincingly)

I think all three of them are rather good myself. Do you plan to use them to edit our poems for us?

[milo]

ok

looks like he also gave helpful comments on just mercedes', ellajam's and tomoffing's (which he declares the best of the bunch rather convincingly)

I think all three of them are rather good myself. Do you plan to use them to edit our poems for us?

lol - are you crazy?! I can barely scrape up the energy to do my own much needed editing. It would be nice to see a couple edits though even if participants may not feel up to it.

[Truerenigma]

looks like he also gave helpful comments on just mercedes', ellajam's and tomoffing's (which he declares the best of the bunch rather convincingly)

I think all three of them are rather good myself. Do you plan to use them to edit our poems for us?

lol - are you crazy?! I can barely scrape up the energy to do my own much needed editing. It would be nice to see a couple edits though even if participants may not feel up to it.

the point was that we don't have the comments, do you plan to share them?

[Keith]

Tenth Rewrite:

Fast Fred's final flub is as follows:

After a booze and blow binge and a botched booty call,
he turned and trod with terrible trepidation
down the deck door, determined to drive to Clamdigger’s Cove.

Close the curtains on all collective comeuppance- Saturday’s surpassed all..

Some superbly stacked split-tail made him stiff;
her olive ocular orbs ogled him oddly
as her amazingly arced ass made him antsy to ask
if the wanton woman wanted a wad to wiggle his wood.

But his mega-moistened mouth managed a measly, “May, I, may I..”
before he violently vomited very vast volumes of vittles
on the harpy’s harlequin halter top as she hollered in horror, “Help!”
"..buy you a bottle of bourbon?" he babbled,
grappling with gravity while graphically grabbing George and Gracie.
She kneed his nads, and his noggin nosed her nethers. “I never!” she screamed,
and suddenly stormed, seething, from Sammy’s South Street Saloon.

Fred, frantic and fried, floundered in futility on the foul floor.
Larry, Lester, and the lousy lot laughed long and loudly,
joking and jawing and jabbing and jibing. Fred jockeyed
to a perpendicular position and plodded pathetically past his putrid puddle,
crying, “I’ll crash my crappy Chevy Cobalt into Clamdigger’s Cove, chumps!”

He recklessly rambled into Ralph Ruggles, who reeled, then righted
as Fred fled in his car of red, and is assumed dead.

fogglethorpe (Hugh)


Since I followed you Hugh I thought I would start here. I have to say when the curtain went back I was in shock I didn't know were to start then, just as I don't know where to start now, You have packed so much into this extending the theme of the previous poem, I really enjoyed wrapping my tongue round this one and its quite a challenge to read it through without mistake, the plot is clear and it bobs and waves like a boxer in a ring. 'her olive ocular orbs ogled him oddly' is my favorite line just because it sets up the plot and thickens the drunken stupor. i was sure about 'Close the curtains on all collective comeuppance- Saturday’s surpassed all..' so I kind of danced around it. Any way I enjoyed following this piece no matter how hard you made it. Best Keith


I should just add that I have very much enjoyed all the poems, reading the changes and seeing the various styles and approaches as they developed. On a personal note I would probably use the full 48 hrs if there is to be a next time. Keith

[milo]

I think all three of them are rather good myself. Do you plan to use them to edit our poems for us?

lol - are you crazy?! I can barely scrape up the energy to do my own much needed editing. It would be nice to see a couple edits though even if participants may not feel up to it.

the point was that we don't have the comments, do you plan to share them?

You have to follow the link. I posted it before. It is Here:

https://groups.google.com/forum/?fromgro...c-OOLinhww

(I should warn you that it is an unmoderated site and at least 3 people were upset that I didn't allow them to participate (them being a plagiarist and 2 disruptors) so they are doing their best to disrupt te discussion)

[Leanne]

I have had a look through that thread -- I'm sure it's not indicative of the rest of the forum, which can't possibly be populated entirely by self-aggrandising and inexplicably arrogant arseholes. (I use the word "inexplicably" because I will excuse arrogance when it can be backed up with evidence of skill.)

Well done to all participants. There were some entries I enjoyed more than others, but none were sub-par and certainly none deserved the petty slating they have received from the collected ignorami of elsewhere.

[milo]

I have had a look through that thread -- I'm sure it's not indicative of the rest of the forum, which can't possibly be populated entirely by self-aggrandising and inexplicably arrogant arseholes. (I use the word "inexplicably" because I will excuse arrogance when it can be backed up with evidence of skill.)

If only that were true. What makes a forum great is the people. Unfortunately, in unmoderated forums, assholes are allowed to run amok which tends to drive good people to greener pastures. Ten years ago that forum was filled with some of the most talented and witty people I have interacted with but they all left.

Well done to all participants. There were some entries I enjoyed more than others, but none were sub-par and certainly none deserved the petty slating they have received from the collected ignorami of elsewhere.

Agreed. I thought it went fantastically well. Hopefully you will get a chance to participate if we do it again.

[Leanne]

You know there's no chance of that. I don't play well with others

But I'm incredibly proud of those who do manage it.

[milo]

You know there's no chance of that. I don't play well with others

But I'm incredibly proud of those who do manage it.

That just means you get to start it which means I get to participate!!

[newsclippings]

I said it in the group, but I'll say it again. The second rewrite was my favorite.

[milo]

I said it in the group, but I'll say it again. The second rewrite was my favorite.

yah, it was good. It would probably be unfair for me to pick a favourite so I am resisting.

[justcloudy]

Milo you said there were some comments made on mine in the other group, and I'm trying to find them but that place is making my head spin. Cntrl F isn't helping either. Am I blind or were you mistaken?

And thanks to the many of you who are making kind comments about my rough little piece. Milo-- if I revise it (not promising anything though) where should I post the revision?

[newsclippings]

I said it in the group, but I'll say it again. The second rewrite was my favorite.

yah, it was good. It would probably be unfair for me to pick a favourite so I am resisting.

You're not the poetry daddy, go ahead and pick one.

[milo]

Milo you said there were some comments made on mine in the other group, and I'm trying to find them but that place is making my head spin. Cntrl F isn't helping either. Am I blind or were you mistaken?

And thanks to the many of you who are making kind comments about my rough little piece. Milo-- if I revise it (not promising anything though) where should I post the revision?

No comments on yours yet, just true, jm, tomoff and ella.

If you revise, post it as a regular poem in the critical forums. It is yours now, you own it forever.

[justcloudy]

Lol I was reading quickly and saw the "just" and thought it was me. Geez. Maybe it's time to get off the computer ;p

[milo]

I said it in the group, but I'll say it again. The second rewrite was my favorite.

yah, it was good. It would probably be unfair for me to pick a favourite so I am resisting.

You're not the poetry daddy, go ahead and pick one.

This is true. Also, all my little poets know that I love them equally. Let me read them all a couple more times but for now I do have a particular favourite.

[billy]

OMG, mine had no merit????? at last someone with a good eye i have to say their feedback seems to be pretty lacking in general. i'm fine with scathing but i'd love to know how i could make it have a little bit of merit.