Stories Tattooed On Our Arms

[TheWall0912]

Each time the glint catches the eye;
a single blade silver and dry.
A rhythm deep on the inside
beating loud and concealing cries.
Metal winks again and again.
For peace of mind, the skin turns red.

Masked by a laugh so full and pure,
the rapids of emotions soar.
Forgotten freedom locked up, chained.
During weakness, the sadness reigned.
It’s lucky though, to have a friend
hoping to help temptation end.

Some comfort radiates between
bodies, with eyes glaring so keen.
Two hands clasped with the fingers tied,
never concealing when they lied.
A gentle touch and whispered cry
offers insight to answer why.

Remember, words can only sting
a wound left open from past pain,
bruises created from a hand
make better conversations, and
the scars that once sounded alarms
are stories tattooed on our arms.

[ChristopherSea]

Each time the glint catches the eye;
a single blade silver and dry.
A rhythm deep on the inside
beating loud and concealing cries.
Metal winks again and again.
For peace of mind, the skin turns red.

Masked by a laugh so full and pure,
the rapids of emotions soar.
Forgotten freedom locked up, chained.
During weakness, the sadness reigned.
It’s lucky though, to have a friend
hoping to help temptation end.

Some comfort radiates between
bodies, with eyes glaring so keen.
Two hands clasped with the fingers tied,
never concealing when they lied.
A gentle touch and whispered cry
offers insight to answer why.

Remember, words can only sting
a wound left open from past pain,
bruises created from a hand
make better conversations, and
the scars that once sounded alarms
are stories tattooed on our arms.

Welcome back Wall,
I like the overall theme of two friends or lovers with a shared history becoming 'ink brothers' in a sense. Over all, the meter and sonics work as well. However, many of your lines are really fragments, most of which are comprised of abstractions that don't connect with the reader. The first stanza should be re-worked especially. Try to establish your thesis therein or minimally capture the reader with a strong concrete image or core metaphor. As is, I become lost in its kaleidoscopic view. It could be me, so let us see if others get as lost in your color space as I did. Good luck with the next edit. Cheers/Chris

[makeshift]

Each time the glint catches the eye;
a single blade silver and dry.
A rhythm deep on the inside
beating loud and concealing cries.
Metal winks again and again.
For peace of mind, the skin turns red. I like this line, I think it pretty clearly exemplifies what your after, that is assuming I have any idea of what your after > .< Would be interesting to try this as a refrain, just an idea.

Masked by a laugh so full and pure,
the rapids of emotions soar.
Forgotten freedom locked up, chained.
During weakness, the sadness reigned
It’s lucky though, to have a friend I sense a change of tone here, things start to feel less tensiony
hoping to help temptation end. With this whole stanza I think the rhymes feel a lil bit stiffer then the rest of the poem

Some comfort radiates between I like this image, with radiating comfort
bodies, with eyes glaring so keen.
Two hands clasped with the fingers tied,
never concealing when they lied.
A gentle touch and whispered cry
offers insight to answer why.

Remember, words can only sting
a wound left open from past pain,
bruises created from a hand
make better conversations, and
the scars that once sounded alarms
are stories tattooed on our arms.

I think there are some good ideas here with that tattooe stuff. I get there are two friends in this poem "It’s lucky though, to have a friend" Im just scratching my head a lil bit. My super literal interpretation would be that that there are two friends and one, or maybe both have a troubled past but they are helping each other get through it, and have a tattooe as the story of that?

The first stanza feels like its all about the action of getting tatooed

The second stanza "Forgotten freedom locked up, chained./During weakness, the sadness reigned" while I thought maybe this speaks to him getting tattooed thus he cant move it seems more dramatic then that so I took it as maybe the person is in a literal prison like jail, or they have something weakening them thus locking them up. Then "hoping to help temptation end" clearly the friend is helping in some struggle with "temptation" I thought maybe a drug issue but it could just be the temptation to stop while being tattooed, but again it feels too dramatic for that.

The third stanza I get the positivity between the two's relationship with the first half, the second leaves me a tad confused. The bit with "a gentle touch and whispered cry/offer insight to answer why" leaves me wondering why still. What about this cry and touch clasp hands together and ties fingers?

Then the fourth stanza is prty straight forward. I guess the only part that was a bit ambiguous to me here is that I wasn't sure if "scares that once sounded alarms" was meant to mean their scares alarmed people or if they got scars in ways that set off alarms, such as doing something illegal. The latter would support the idea of prison I got from the second stanza. Anyway thats my interpretation of everything .

JMHO JMHO thnx for sharing ^_^

[just mercedes]

I'm not sure if this poem is about tattooing, or about cutting. I think you need to make some things more clear - it has some good lines, and it shows me the strength that can be gained from a friend.

[71degrees]

Each time the glint catches the eye;
a single blade silver and dry.
A rhythm deep on the inside
beating loud and concealing cries.
Metal winks again and again.
For peace of mind, the skin turns red.

Masked by a laugh so full and pure,
the rapids of emotions soar.
Forgotten freedom locked up, chained.
During weakness, the sadness reigned.
It’s lucky though, to have a friend
hoping to help temptation end.

Some comfort radiates between
bodies, with eyes glaring so keen.
Two hands clasped with the fingers tied,
never concealing when they lied.
A gentle touch and whispered cry
offers insight to answer why.

Remember, words can only sting
a wound left open from past pain,
bruises created from a hand
make better conversations, and
the scars that once sounded alarms
are stories tattooed on our arms.

I don't mind the fragmented thoughts. Tattoos are fragments and maybe that's what you had in mind for presentation. That being said, care…much care...must be taken as you guide the reader through these fragments with punctuation. I think the first stanza is a good example. thought + Semi-colon + fragment + period makes no sense. It gets a bit better deeper into the poem (but even stanza two with FOUR periods) makes me start/stop so much, I find myself almost stuttering.

After all this, the gist of the poem is wonderful. The imagery of the stories of the lives of these two people "tattooed" on their arms is beautiful. There's a book here. Would like to see more. Good luck w/this…it's a wonderful idea.

[TheWall0912]

Thank you for all of the feedback. I am still editing this work. I know there is a lot left to work though. I also don't think I got all of my points across as clearly as I could.

When writing the piece I did have an idea as to what it was about, but I also like to hear everyone else's interpretations. I think it is important for the reader to come up with their own interpretation to a piece that can be taken to mean different things.

Thanks again for the responses, I'll work on a edit