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Dare you loving look on one, such as I?
So through open words, a bond could grow,
Betwixt and between the dark earth and light filled sky,
A union to comfort us, when we are old?
Or is it true, what is said of flesh?
Alone we enter this world, warm or chill,
Being neither damned, nor being blessed,
We enter, we live, we die, against our will.
Is there hope then for that final hour?
While I lay entombed in wizened sack,
If we should meet within the bridal bower,
Would then you be with me as death attacks?
And do more then than simply hold my hand,
Be my companion also to that land.
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Note: Really shouldn't need to say this, but if I don't all I will get are comments that this is not a sonnet.
This is not a sonnet, not suppose to be. It is a sonnet aberration to fit the content of the poem.
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
just mercedes
Unregistered
(02-13-2014, 10:03 AM)Erthona Wrote: .
Dare you loving look on one, such as I?
So through open words, a bond could grow,
Betwixt and between the dark earth and light filled sky,
A union to comfort us, when we are old?
Or is it true, what is said of flesh?
Alone we enter this world, warm or chill,
Being neither damned, nor being blessed,
We enter, we live, we die, against our will.
Is there hope then for that final hour?
While I lay entomb[ed] in wizened sack,
If we should meet within the bridal bower,
Would then you be with me as death attacks?
And do more then than simply hold my hand,
Be my companion also to that land.
I really like this - I'm looking for Noir Valentines for Danse Macabre du Jour - could I include this? It would go online for Valentine's Day.
------------------------------------------------
Note: Really shouldn't need to say this, but if I don't all I will get are comments that this is not a sonnet.
This is not a sonnet, not suppose to be. It is a sonnet aberration to fit the content of the poem.
Posts: 1,568
Threads: 317
Joined: Jun 2011
(02-13-2014, 10:03 AM)Erthona Wrote: .
Dare you loving look on one, such as I?
So through open words, a bond could grow,
Betwixt and between the dark earth and light filled sky,
A union to comfort us, when we are old?
Or is it true, what is said of flesh?
Alone we enter this world, warm or chill,
Being neither damned, nor being blessed,
We enter, we live, we die, against our will.
Is there hope then for that final hour?
While I lay entombed in wizened sack,
If we should meet within the bridal bower,
Would then you be with me as death attacks?
And do more then than simply hold my hand,
Be my companion also to that land.
Wow, what an amazing sonnet, Shakespeare would be so jealous! 
Who could resist such an invitation? Especially in light of your wizened sack...
It could be worse
Posts: 1,827
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Joined: Dec 2016
A.J.,
Sure, just add your correction in. Typo there. I'll go ahead and correct it here. Thanks.
Dale
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Yeah Leanne, you just want my unicorn horn!
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 1,325
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Joined: Sep 2013
Love this one.
Maybe because I'm old it doesn't even feel dark to me, more matter-of-fact and love-filled.
I especially like "against our will", "death attacks" and the end, dragging your beloved into death with you, why not? 
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
Posts: 1,827
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Joined: Dec 2016
I just hate going to new places by myself. 
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
i lay entomb Ed, in wizened sack
who's Ed
well worth the read.
Posts: 1,827
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Joined: Dec 2016
Ed's your boyfriend silly (I was going for endjamit). The comma is incorrectly placed. It should read:
i lay entomb, Ed
in wizened sack
Does that help clarify, or at least rectumfy it?
Beasties,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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