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.
Sardonic? I guess I am—
sardonic look, sardonic grin.
When did this sardonic…..ness begin?
Is it because I am contemptuous of others,
thinking my intellect far above my brother’s?
Unfinished. Ask if it is because of anger, or fear.
No it is because of hurt,
incomplete
when made of dirt.
–Erthona
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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wiseacre aye... hmmm, what can i say. not much since i shaved this morning.
at first i thought i had a piece of grit on the monitor.
but no, you've started this poem with a full stop.
touche
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Yes, it is true, I have a diploma sticking out my butt 
Just out of curiosity, what part of your body did you shave? 
thanks for giving it a read,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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We just fall apart in the end, one has to have some protection from such a departure.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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(01-18-2014, 09:32 PM)Erthona Wrote: .
Sardonic? I guess I am—
sardonic look, sardonic grin.
When did this sardonic…..ness begin?
Is it because I am contemptuous of others, I'm not sure I like this line
thinking my intellect far above my brother’s?
Unfinished. Ask if it is because of anger, or fear.
No it is because of hurt,
incomplete
when made of dirt.
–Erthona
Your triple use of the word sardonic in just 2 lines plays it out a bit, but overall I like this one.
Thanks for the read,
Sandra
I'll be there in a minute.
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yeah i liked the last line too, but don't think i understand it - you're saying that they treat your brother badly?
i'm not familiar with your poems, but you seem to be groping for something.
i quite like it, perhaps because of that coupled with it seeming self sufficient.
Quote:Sardonic? I guess I am—
sardonic look, sardonic grin
i think this is my favourite statement, it reads a little confrontational.
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Sandra,
Thanks for your comments. I'll try and answer some of your questions.
"Your triple use of the word sardonic in just 2 lines plays it out a bit, but overall I like this one."
The repetitive use of sardonic is for comedic effect, this were a serious poem I would agree with you. almost to be read as though one has discovered some sort of stickiness on their hand that someone else has pointed out and are trying to come to terms with it. Like my god, I've goop on my hand and thigh, and some above my eye, was this gloop hanging someplace and I just walked by?
----------------------------------------------
I'm not sure I like this line
thinking my intellect far above my brother’s?
Doesn't derision; mocking, and cynicalness start with conceit?
------------------------------------------------------
–Erthona
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 1,827
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Joined: Dec 2016
"but don't think i understand it - you're saying that they treat your brother badly?"
No this is giving a supposed (what others might say is the reason) reason for being sardonic, which is I think I am so much smarter than my brother, which here it is used in the generic sense to mean everyone. The real reason for being sardonic is in the last stanza
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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oh ok, cool. so you're sardonic [dryly cynical] because something is unfinished, and that involves you being in some way dirt.
that's the prose paraphrase, and unless you're talking generically - which i can't think what you could be talking about except heartbreak, i'm still lost on what the poem is about. obviously that's deliberate?
i think "far above" is a bit off, but i dunno, perhaps it makes the statement seem wordy and so a bit too formal maybe
?
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(01-24-2014, 04:13 AM)Erthona Wrote: Sandra,
Thanks for your comments. I'll try and answer some of your questions.
"Your triple use of the word sardonic in just 2 lines plays it out a bit, but overall I like this one."
The repetitive use of sardonic is for comedic effect, this were a serious poem I would agree with you. almost to be read as though one has discovered some sort of stickiness on their hand that someone else has pointed out and are trying to come to terms with it. Like my god, I've goop on my hand and thigh, and some above my eye, was this gloop hanging someplace and I just walked by?
----------------------------------------------
I'm not sure I like this line
thinking my intellect far above my brother’s?
Doesn't derision; mocking, and cynicalness start with conceit?
------------------------------------------------------
–Erthona
It's not that. It's the use of words, particularly "contemptuous"
I'll be there in a minute.
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"It's not that. It's the use of words, particularly "contemptuous" "
When one feels they are intellectually superior to all others. that would imply contemptuousness.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 204
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I know what the word means. I'm telling you it looks juvenile in this poem.
Ta ra.
I'll be there in a minute.
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newsclippings,
"I know what the word means. I'm telling you it looks juvenile in this poem. "
Understood. Would you prefer "contumelious", better?
"Is it because I am contumelious of others,
thinking my intellect is far above my brother’s?"
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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