Posts: 43
Threads: 6
Joined: Jan 2014
I will start with one of my shorter, lesser works.
Morning Fog
Awakening from my long nights slumber,
An ominous mist envelopes the land.
Clouds hanging low in an immense number,
Obscuring all things in a veil so grand.
The fog bathes in the glistening sunlight,
Softly glowing in its incandescence.
The sunlight pierces through, ever so slight,
Giving off such a mystical essence.
Awakening from my long nights slumber,
An ominous mist envelopes the land.
Clouds hanging low in an immense number,
Obscuring all things in a veil so grand.
The fog bathes in the glistening sunlight,
Softly glowing in its incandescence.
The sunlight pierces through, ever so slight,
Giving off such a mystical essence.
I can see what you want me to see, but you're wasting words saying something so simple just to match syllables and force rhymes.
Posts: 43
Threads: 6
Joined: Jan 2014
(01-14-2014, 07:23 AM)rowens Wrote: I can see what you want me to see, but you're wasting words saying something so simple just to match syllables and force rhymes.
Agreed, when I wrote this one my goal in mind was in fact imagery.
You say it's a lesser work. Do you want to change that?
Or you could've posted something you have more confidence in.
Posts: 43
Threads: 6
Joined: Jan 2014
(01-14-2014, 08:09 AM)rowens Wrote: You say it's a lesser work. Do you want to change that?
Or you could've posted something you have more confidence in.
Yeah its something I threw together on a recent foggy morning when I was in an imagery mood. I am working on a series of fantasy syllabic verse poems that all weave into one story and one of those will probably be my next posting, once I am able to emerge from the newbie forum
