Dear John

[ejames]

Don’t look down, she lies below
Past memories ebb and flow.
You haven’t but a single word to say,
Pity for all that has happened this way.
It is by your hand that she lies cold
In the ground, beginning to mold.
You broke her heart with your swift speech,
Your daring words, she could not reach.
A woman’s heart is a delicate thing.
You must lay it down softly,
In the ground, beneath your feet.


Please, any feedback is much appreciated!

[milo]

What is the difference between having a single word to say and having but a single word to say?

[ThePinsir]

I'd like it a bit better if you didn't randomly change the rhyme scheme at the end.
"In the ground, beginning to mold" is pretty harsh, and gives the poem some real emotion and imagery.

"Past memories" seems kind of redundant.

[justcloudy]

The rhythm is very inconsistent, which isn't doing much for the poem. When you have a strict rhyme scheme like this rhythm is very important. What's the rationale behind the last three line not rhyming?