Poem #1

[oxomiya]

Eyes deep brown
Dark roast
Of God's own blend

Down Michigan Avenue
She stands
Hungover
At the corner of Walton

[Todd]

I'm more a fan of your first strophe than your second. I think you could still condense S1:

Eyes dark roast
of God's own blend

I like the dark roast part quite a bit.

[oxomiya]

Thanks Todd. I like your suggestions

I'm more a fan of your first strophe than your second. I think you could still condense S1:

Eyes dark roast
of God's own blend

I like the dark roast part quite a bit.

[wretchedblind]

It struck a sad note of a young ladies search for grace.

[rowens]

What happens after the corner of Walton? Hopefully that will be the subject of Poem #2.

[oxomiya]

At the corner of Walton-
Hungover,
She stands
Down Michigan Avenue

What happens after the corner of Walton? Hopefully that will be the subject of Poem #2.

[rowens]

It sounds better the first way through.

[oxomiya]

Thanks rowens