Posts: 24
Threads: 9
Joined: Oct 2013
My head is like a snowstorm, what more can I say
Days go by as chickens fly, the sky seems not so grey
The world I think and the world I live are two and separate thoughts
I seek and look and find a nook that seems like what I sought
I find myself in plain delight, as plain as life can be
Look through my lens, my eyes, my friend and see what's truly free
Some crazy thoughts, I think a lot through time and time again
Then find my rest, so I invest in words and ink and pen
My head is like a snowstorm, what more can i say
i or I? You can say i if you're down on your luck and feel that way, but if there's no relevance in the difference you can be consistent.
Days go by as chickens fly, the sky seems not so grey
The world I think and the world I live are two and seperate thoughts
Separate is infamously spelled with an a after the p.
I seek and look and find and a nook that seems like what I sought
and a nook?
I find myself in plain delight though plain this life can be
There is a time for awkwardness.
Look through my lens, my eyes, my friend and see whats truly free
what's, unless of course . . .
Some crazy thoughts, I think a lot through time and time again
Then find my rest so I invest in words and ink and pen
This poem says a lot to me. It doesn't say it good enough is all. I agree with everything, even your mistakes. But they remain mistakes, and the poem feels sloppy. A few minor changes and you might have something worthy and still not good enough. Keep working and you might pull through.
shejustwantstheworld
Unregistered
With your grammar mistakes (nobody is perfect); I still thoroughly enjoyed your poem, so bravo.
Posts: 24
Threads: 9
Joined: Oct 2013
(12-15-2013, 03:19 AM)rowens Wrote: My head is like a snowstorm, what more can i say
i or I? You can say i if you're down on your luck and feel that way, but if there's no relevance in the difference you can be consistent.
Days go by as chickens fly, the sky seems not so grey
The world I think and the world I live are two and seperate thoughts
Separate is infamously spelled with an a after the p.
I seek and look and find and a nook that seems like what I sought
and a nook?
I find myself in plain delight though plain this life can be
There is a time for awkwardness.
Look through my lens, my eyes, my friend and see whats truly free
what's, unless of course . . .
Some crazy thoughts, I think a lot through time and time again
Then find my rest so I invest in words and ink and pen
This poem says a lot to me. It doesn't say it good enough is all. I agree with everything, even your mistakes. But they remain mistakes, and the poem feels sloppy. A few minor changes and you might have something worthy and still not good enough. Keep working and you might pull through.
Editted for grammer and flow.
Wrote this in high school, about 7 years ago now, it's meant to be rough.
