I wrote the tune to this song in the summertime, but could never get any words to fit. I've finally added some words, and am now stuck on thinking of a title. If you have any suggestions, it would be much appreciated.
You can listen to it here (excuse the sloppy guitar, and poor audio quality):
Chords:
Intro/Bridge:
Am, C, Bdim7*, Dm
Am, Dm, F, E
Verse(s):
Am C, Am E, Am C, Am E,
Am C, Bdim7*, Dm,
Am, Dm, F, E
Note: I play Bdim7 as: x32131 instead of x23131 to blend better with C.
Lyrics:
I never asked her to dance,
circle regrets all above,
alone I have thoughts but no plans
or even the memory of love.
Dreams never let me forget
memories that I won’t get to make
are all that`s left inside my mind
remind me not to wake.
I never asked her to dance,
circle regrets all above,
alone I have thoughts but no plans
or even the memory of love.
The natural urge to create
some art on a wall in a cave
is all that’s left inside my mind
remind me not to wake.
I like sloppy guitar the best, everything else bores me to death. Get you a second guitarist to throw in some little melodies, a rhythm section, and add an out of nowhere kind of bridge, and you're on your way.
(12-10-2013, 07:32 AM)rowens Wrote: I like sloppy guitar the best, everything else bores me to death. Get you a second guitarist to throw in some little melodies, a rhythm section, and add an out of nowhere kind of bridge, and you're on your way.
I'm completely with rowens on this one plus I don't like the sloppy guitar...could you try it without? I think the title is apposite.
Look, I'm no judge of this kind of thing so maybe just try it with just the guitar even and drop the lyrics. Hang on... better yet....
Seriously, it is very diffficult to mix poetry and pop. To make any impression you have to get the X-factor in both. Your chord sequences are dreadfully banal and combined with the mind numbing repetition of both chords and words it makes for a dire dirge. You do, though, have an underplayed voice...this does not do it justice.
Poetically speaking, there is not much to say but I want to know what "circle regrets all above" means.
Advice? Write more (or some) poetry and try X23434.
Best,
tectak
There's nothing wrong with this as a demo for a song. Do you have a band? If you do, you play with them, and after a while you get something special. Add words to a bridge, sing it a little higher, like people do; add some more verses, and play around with some solos, and it'll work.
The words are all right. They can stay as they are, just add some more verses. Two more verses would seem right for a song like this. When you get behind a microphone and P.A. with a band, you naturally sing louder, with more expression. You have a good enough voice for that.
If you have a band, you probably know all this already. And you should record that and post it.
(12-13-2013, 12:53 AM)rowens Wrote: There's nothing wrong with this as a demo for a song. Do you have a band? If you do, you play with them, and after a while you get something special. Add words to a bridge, sing it a little higher, like people do; add some more verses, and play around with some solos, and it'll work.
The words are all right. They can stay as they are, just add some more verses. Two more verses would seem right for a song like this. When you get behind a microphone and P.A. with a band, you naturally sing louder, with more expression. You have a good enough voice for that.
If you have a band, you probably know all this already. And you should record that and post it.
I've been playing guitar for less than 6 months, and I've been teaching myself (well, the internet's been teaching me) as a student without much time. I don't have a band or anything yet, I've just been trying to get better at guitar while writing down anything I do that I like while messing around.
One of my roommates has been in lessons and stuff since he was a kid and can play pretty much any instrument you put in front of him. He's into jazz and is brilliant on piano (but the only piano he has is at his parents house and we can't bring it up), and in a year or so once I have a backlog of 10 or so mostly finished songs and don't suck quite as much I'm going to show them to him and see if he can help me tidy them up.
You and him could go where they sell instruments and play some of your songs without buying anything. Even if you planned on playing solo, if you play with other people you start to hear things that you can add to your own instrument.
Playing your guitar with a bass player usually makes things come together quicker. Or he could hook up a keyboard, or get on a piano if they have any, or whatever.
