In War and Pieces

[Euan]

I've placed this in Serious for a reason. I want to improve

Pieces rain like blood tattered confetti,
still remembering their names, their faces.
They're screaming through their exit wounds
I place barrel to temple, pull

Only now have they finally ceased
they've reduced to a light chanting
Watching me, touching me, stripping me
taking my soul, my resolve, drained.

They cannot take my purpose, survival.
Nor can I theirs, akin struggle.
Soldiers, all the Enemies I've killed.
Soldiers, all the Brothers I've lost.

Washed ashore, relinquished from the Sea
that corralled Souls, eliminated our Conscience.

[heslopian]

I've placed this in Serious for a reason. I want to improve

Pieces rain like blood tattered confetti, "Tattered" doesn't really go with a liquid, in my opinion; "blood-spattered" would be clearer.
still remembering their names, their faces.
They're screaming through their exit wounds Excellent image. Punctuation is needed at the end of this line, though.
I place barrel to temple, pull Ditto punctuation. When you have a poem which uses grammatical marks, sentences and sometimes clauses need to be clearly separated, effecting a smooth rhythm. Without that the reader keeps needing to pause and get his bearings.

Only now have they finally ceased
they've reduced to a light chanting "been" should really go before "reduced". Also, again, punctuation needed at the end of this, the previous and following lines, though it's more problematic here.
Watching me, touching me, stripping me
taking my soul, my resolve, drained.

They cannot take my purpose, survival.
Nor can I theirs, akin struggle. Is "akin" needed? The contrast with "survival" would be clearer without it, I think.
Soldiers, all the Enemies I've killed. I normally dislike errant capitals, but here and in the next line they kind of make sense, as they humanise those objective groups of people.
Soldiers, all the Brothers I've lost.

Washed ashore, relinquished from the Sea Again, fine with the capital here, as it personifies nature.
that corralled Souls, eliminated our Conscience. These, however, are extraneous. I love your use of "coralled", by the way. It reminds me of how priests draw verbiage from everyday life to explain spirituality.

All in all, a pretty good postmodern war poem. The theme of dead friends and comrades dwindling down to memories and dark thoughts could be explored a little more, with a heavier focus on your (metaphorical) ghost imagery, but it's still well-conveyed. I enjoyed this one. It's heavy and intense. Critique is JMHO. Thank you for the read.

[Euan]

Cheers Heslop, I'll consider for the edit.

[Keith]

I've placed this in Serious for a reason. I want to improve

Pieces rain like blood tattered confetti,
still remembering their names, their faces.
They're screaming through their exit wounds
I place barrel to temple, pull

I feel the first stanza would work better if it was inverted so the reader understands from the start what is going on, blood tattered sound off for some reason I thought of slaughter house but the image screaming through exit wound is excellent.

Only now have they finally ceased
they've reduced to a light chanting I would say they've is not needed
Watching me, touching me, stripping me could drop the first two me's
taking my soul, my resolve, drained. could swap taking for draining then drop 'drained'

They cannot take my purpose, survival.
Nor can I theirs, akin struggle. this line sounds off not sure why
Soldiers, all the Enemies I've killed.
Soldiers, all the Brothers I've lost.

although I enjoyed the bravado and boldness of this stanza you could try to work in some images perhaps on the line stumbled on ?

Washed ashore, relinquished from the Sea
that corralled Souls, eliminated our Conscience. I really like corralled souls but I'm not clear why this eliminates conscience.

I really like the clutter and desperation you manage to put over and the voice carries the poem well switching between stanzas, I would like to see a little more through images. Another stanza before the close could help me understand the close better, but that could just be me not getting it. I look forward to seeing your edit. Best Keith

[Euan]

Thank you Keith, I agree with you totally, especially on inverting the first stanza, it actually makes more sense inverted.

Cheers.