Tweedom

[ScurryFunger]

I'm gonna make a break for tweedom,
I may even scream until I'm sick,
I reckon I have got it in me,
it's not loike I'm a tad bit fick.
I'm pretty sure I could be precious,
prim n proper at a push.
Call me Eliza as you scold me,
you know it gives me a head rush.
I'll tell you stories, non exciting,
but you will listen, 'cos they're mine.
I'll wear a frock of flowery splendour,
and (of course) the sun will shine.
Then when the day has sighed its ending
and we're just silhouetted in profile,
I'll take your hand that's freely given
and touch it to my subtle smile.
I'm gonna wrap around us
a blanket full of quaint,
revel in the strange and interesting
attraction with a pleasing taint.
I'll be old fashioned in my leaning,
I'll even take a stab at droll
and when you try and get my meaning
I'll then pretend to have a soul.

[billy]

i got a laugh out this. is tweedom connect with the coat of learning ?
some good lines in there but you have some excess verbiage as well. strip away what you can and the poem will be much better,
thanks for the read.

I'm gonna make a break for tweedom,
I may even scream until I'm sick,
I reckon I have got it in me, this line doesn't help the poem
it's not loike I'm a tad bit fick. i'm guessing loike is a key screwup but if it is, leave it in
I'm pretty sure I could be precious,
prim n proper at a push.
Call me Eliza as you scold me,
you know it gives me a head rush. no need for you know
I'll tell you stories, non exciting,
but you will listen, 'cos they're mine.
I'll wear a frock of flowery splendour,
and (of course) the sun will shine.
Then when the day has sighed its ending
and we're just silhouetted in profile,
I'll take your hand that's freely given
and touch it to my subtle smile.
I'm gonna wrap around us
a blanket full of quaint, i want this line
revel in the strange and interesting
attraction with a pleasing taint.
I'll be old fashioned in my leaning,
I'll even take a stab at droll
and when you try and get my meaning
I'll then pretend to have a soul. no need for [then]

[secretkeeper]

This did give me a good chuckle as well though I find the humour doesn't take away from the overall portrait of the piece. I'd just say I see a lot of potential here and to either tweak the rhymes a bit (not completely necessary as I do enjoy the flow as it is already) or to not worry about rhyme and center on content!

[ScurryFunger]

i got a laugh out this. is tweedom connect with the coat of learning ?
some good lines in there but you have some excess verbiage as well. strip away what you can and the poem will be much better,
thanks for the read.

I'm gonna make a break for tweedom,
I may even scream until I'm sick,
I reckon I have got it in me, this line doesn't help the poem
it's not loike I'm a tad bit fick. i'm guessing loike is a key screwup but if it is, leave it in
I'm pretty sure I could be precious,
prim n proper at a push.
Call me Eliza as you scold me,
you know it gives me a head rush. no need for you know
I'll tell you stories, non exciting,
but you will listen, 'cos they're mine.
I'll wear a frock of flowery splendour,
and (of course) the sun will shine.
Then when the day has sighed its ending
and we're just silhouetted in profile,
I'll take your hand that's freely given
and touch it to my subtle smile.
I'm gonna wrap around us
a blanket full of quaint, i want this line
revel in the strange and interesting
attraction with a pleasing taint.
I'll be old fashioned in my leaning,
I'll even take a stab at droll
and when you try and get my meaning
I'll then pretend to have a soul. no need for [then]

cheers billy, the loike was deliberate on account of i tawk loike a farmer, oh ahh.

I'll fiddle with it at a later date
and include your recommendations, mate.

lol

---

This did give me a good chuckle as well though I find the humour doesn't take away from the overall portrait of the piece. I'd just say I see a lot of potential here and to either tweak the rhymes a bit (not completely necessary as I do enjoy the flow as it is already) or to not worry about rhyme and center on content!

thanks secretkeeper, lol @ centre-ing on content, I shall try my best.
;O)

[Snowbells]

Hi there;
I love regional expressions, especially those rural ones. Good title, but I'm unfamiliar with the adjective "fick" in line 4. Tried to look it up on line, but to no avail. If you were aiming for lightheartedness in this delightful poem, you have succeeded. Should you change anything? I dunno, but as is, it's just great fun to read.
Jerry

[ellajam]

Hi there;
I love regional expressions, especially those rural ones. Good title, but I'm unfamiliar with the adjective "fick" in line 4. Tried to look it up on line, but to no avail. If you were aiming for lightheartedness in this delightful poem, you have succeeded. Should you change anything? I dunno, but as is, it's just great fun to read.
Jerry

I think fick might be a rhyme or rhyming slang for thick.