Truth

[Poetborn]

Truth

Truth is seldom spoken amongst souls that have been broken, even torn
, but once it is free boy does it soar
In fact you can tell if the truth comes amongst sores amongst sores
, and once it is heard it is something that can not be ignored

[expiring_touch]

Hi,

I like the the paired alliterations -- been-even, soar-sore -- but the general flow of the poem to me seemed awkward, not sure if the awkward use of punctuation is the reason, but also the metric structure -- you build it up in the first line, drop it completely in the second, and are unable to pick it up with the third drum roll of syllables, leaving the last line to fall completely flat.

[Poetborn]

Hi,

I like the the paired alliterations -- been-even, soar-sore -- but the general flow of the poem to me seemed awkward, not sure if the awkward use of punctuation is the reason, but also the metric structure -- you build it up in the first line, drop it completely in the second, and are unable to pick it up with the third drum roll of syllables, leaving the last line to fall completely flat.

---

Thanks !

[Volaticus]

Hi,
This doesn't feel like a complete poem. To me it reads more like the outline of a poem that has good potential of being expanded on. I don't like the choice of starting two lines with a comma, I don't see how it adds anything here. JMHO of course.
Best,
LB

[betalife]

I think this poem is incomplete. It reads more like an adage or proverb or something. Your meter is all over the place. I also see unnecessary repetitions ("amongst sores") and your language clashes - you use antiquated words like "amongst" then say "boy does it soar." Seems jarring to me...

Speaking of that, "Boy does it soar" is not a great line. The first line begins laconically then you have this very "familiar" phrase...I don't care for it too much.

I think you've got some work to do here!