After the Flood

[tectak]

Suffocant is an adjective, even in French Tom. Asphyxiant is a noun, but refers to gases (CO2, CO, N2, etc.) that starve oxygen from animal species. In your poem you are referring to 'water starvation,' if I am reading it correctly. Soil too dry to germinate seeds is desiccated. Agents that dry water from something are desiccants (noun) and could substitute:

He kicks beneath the paling crust
to where the sun has failed the earth
and flocculation turned the juice
into a desiccant for seed,
that quenched the animating fuse.

It might work for you./Chris

No. Water excess. A flood. Drowns the seed by excluding oxygen. Seed then rots.
Suffocation.
Hmmm.
Best,
Tom

---

I'm perhaps not the best person to ask such questions, but yes (I think we do use it as a noun) because we might say something like "The suffocant" (meaning the nitrogen) has not held"....
but then again i think we might also use it as a verb because we say "Put a blanket of nitrogen over the cider" meaning we want the action of a suffocant.
I am of the persuasion that it is correct to say that this is a noun. I found this website with the use of suffocant to name specific products that have this action (as opposed to asphixiation) in...wait for it headlice. Lovely!
http://www.health.state.mn.us/divs/idepc...tment.html
It lists a suffocant as a number of specific liquid based products and then goes on to list how such should be applied. As follows:-
The alternative treatments listed below are referred to as suffocants. When applied, the treatment may suffocate and/or create a habitat unfavorable to the head lice.

petroleum jelly (Vaseline®)
mayonnaise
oil (e.g., vegetable, olive, or mineral)

General Instructions for Suffocant Treatment*

Still not sure i have clarified or been of much help. I can see what your problem is here in calling this one.
All the best AJ.

YES! Thanks cider. As I HOPED/thought.
It stays.
Best,
tectak.

Is that your final answer?

If you are asking me...yup.

---

Edit 2.00 milo.christophersea

He kicks beneath the paling crust
to where the sun has failed the earth
and flocculation turned the juice
into a suffocant for seed
perhaps one of the few comma use/non-use that I've learned in the past decade, restrictive "that" uses no comma
that quenched the animating fuse.
The flood has gone; to heal the land
he scarifies the earth again
sounds fine, but I see no evidence of "again" here
and turns the rotting germ to light.
Time walks beside the new-sown grain
and promises each dormant husk
another chance...provided there is rain.
not so thrilled seeing the ... and then the last line

This sounds good overall, though the struggle of too much rain vs. not enough rain doesn't particularly grab me here. With that mind, the shortness of the piece might be undercutting its impact.


original
He kicks beneath the paling crust
to where the sun has failed the earth
and flocculation turned the juice
into a suffocant for seed,
and quenched the fuse of life.
The flood has gone; upon bare land
he scarifies the earth again
and turns the rotting germ to light.
Time walks beside the new sown grain
and promises each dormant husk
another chance.
Provided there is rain.

Tectak
Spring 2013

[/quote]
Thanks bt, for your insights. I have wrapped this one but would like to respond to your "overall" observations. It is about a farmer. There is always too much rain or not enough rain.
The "again" is self sufficient...it means again, if you get my point. You are absolutely correct on that comma. I had already removed it on my copy.I would like to say it was a typo...but it was an error Credited. btw.Do you write poetry?
Best and thanks,
tectak

[btrudo]

[/quote]
Thanks bt, for your insights. I have wrapped this one but would like to respond to your "overall" observations. It is about a farmer. There is always too much rain or not enough rain.
The "again" is self sufficient...it means again, if you get my point. You are absolutely correct on that comma. I had already removed it on my copy.I would like to say it was a typo...but it was an error Credited. btw.Do you write poetry?
Best and thanks,
tectak
[/quote]
A farmer. Too much or too little rain. And?

Some times I write a lot of poetry, but recently, not so much.
Bill

[tectak]

Thanks bt, for your insights. I have wrapped this one but would like to respond to your "overall" observations. It is about a farmer. There is always too much rain or not enough rain.
The "again" is self sufficient...it means again, if you get my point. You are absolutely correct on that comma. I had already removed it on my copy.I would like to say it was a typo...but it was an error Credited. btw.Do you write poetry?
Best and thanks,
tectak
[/quote]
A farmer. Too much or too little rain. And?

Some times I write a lot of poetry, but recently, not so much.
Bill
[/quote]
Hi bill,
You will do well on a poetry site
Best,
tectak

[ChristopherSea]

Tom, there's a bump in your great piece. Trim that 10-syllable count in your last line:

'a new chance provided there's rain'

or something!

[btrudo]

Tom, there's a bump in your great piece. Trim that 10-syllable count in your last line:

'a new chance provided there's rain'

or something!


Not sure if the bump is required there, but one of the great things about establishing a meter is that you can deviate from it to create effect.

[ScurryFunger]

Edit 2.00 milo.christophersea,btrudo for the comma removal after that.

He kicks beneath the paling crust
to where the sun has failed the earth
and flocculation turned the juice
into a suffocant for seed
that quenched the animating fuse.
The flood has gone; to heal the land
he scarifies the earth again
and turns the rotting germ to light.
Time walks beside the new-sown grain
and promises each dormant husk
another chance...
provided there is rain.


original
He kicks beneath the paling crust
to where the sun has failed the earth
and flocculation turned the juice
into a suffocant for seed,
and quenched the fuse of life.
The flood has gone; upon bare land
he scarifies the earth again
and turns the rotting germ to light.
Time walks beside the new sown grain
and promises each dormant husk
another chance.
Provided there is rain.

Tectak
Spring 2013

nice use of big words

[tectak]

Edit 2.00 milo.christophersea,btrudo for the comma removal after that.

He kicks beneath the paling crust
to where the sun has failed the earth
and flocculation turned the juice
into a suffocant for seed
that quenched the animating fuse.
The flood has gone; to heal the land
he scarifies the earth again
and turns the rotting germ to light.
Time walks beside the new-sown grain
and promises each dormant husk
another chance...
provided there is rain.


original
He kicks beneath the paling crust
to where the sun has failed the earth
and flocculation turned the juice
into a suffocant for seed,
and quenched the fuse of life.
The flood has gone; upon bare land
he scarifies the earth again
and turns the rotting germ to light.
Time walks beside the new sown grain
and promises each dormant husk
another chance.
Provided there is rain.

Tectak
Spring 2013

nice use of big words

Wot big words?

[heslopian]

Edit 2.00 milo.christophersea,btrudo for the comma removal after that.

He kicks beneath the paling crust
to where the sun has failed the earth
and flocculation turned the juice
into a suffocant for seed
that quenched the animating fuse.
The flood has gone; to heal the land
he scarifies the earth again
and turns the rotting germ to light.
Time walks beside the new-sown grain
and promises each dormant husk
another chance...
provided there is rain.


original
He kicks beneath the paling crust
to where the sun has failed the earth
and flocculation turned the juice
into a suffocant for seed,
and quenched the fuse of life.
The flood has gone; upon bare land
he scarifies the earth again
and turns the rotting germ to light.
Time walks beside the new sown grain
and promises each dormant husk
another chance.
Provided there is rain.

Tectak
Spring 2013

nice use of big words

Please refrain from such brief and throwaway remarks in Serious Workshopping. The forum requires some kind of in-depth feedback, even if it's just describing what specifically you liked.