A Story I Don't Know Much About

[TheWall0912]

I want to start off by saying that I was bored one day and wanted to try something new, this was completely experimental...

You know me so well you can't figure me out.
I'll tell you my story I know nothing about.
Watch as I say these words to you.
It started in bed and it ended there too.
As I laid there awake, I fell right to sleep,
had many sweet dreams and counted some sheep.
The next morning, in the middle of the night,
a broken winged bird had a great flight.
At the home down game the blind man saw
a man with no arms caught the ball.
My German friend came to visit from France.
The old man in the wheel chair did nothing but dance.
So hot outside my car covered in frost.
Got home quicker because I got lost.
To remain sober I kept pouring scotch,
turned on the news but nothing to watch.
Though his thoughts were many, I listened to few,
the newscaster said what I already knew.
The deaf heard the words the mute man spoke.
This dream went on until I awoke.
You've seen all the things I have to say,
stay for a while and get on your way.

[jdguyb]

You know me so well you can't figure me out.
I'll tell you my story I know nothing about
Watch as I say these words to you.
It started in bed and it ended there too.
As I laid there awake, I fell right to sleep,
had many sweet dreams and counted some sheep.
The next morning, in the middle of the night,
a broken winged bird had a great flight.
At the home down game the blind man saw
a man with no arms caught the ball.
My German friend came to visit from France.
The old man in the wheel chair did nothing but dance.
So hot outside my car covered in frost.
Got home quicker because I got lost.
To remain sober I kept pouring scotch
turned on the news but nothing to watch.
Though his thoughts were many, I listened to few,
the newscaster said what I already knew.
The deaf heard the words the mute man spoke
This dream went on until I awoke.
You've seen all the things I have to say,
stay for a while and get on your way.


the part about the old man dancing in the wheel chair seems weird. Like you just needed any excuse to rhyme with france. its kind of random. The blind man saw a man with no arms caught the ball. These two lines don't make any sense. I just wish I could connect some lines together easier but I cant because its too random

[Keith]

I enjoyed this, it has the same flavour as One fine day in the middle of the night two dead men got up to fight etc but your rhymes work well and you have some minor issues with the meter ie At the home down game the blind man saw but you have some interesting visuals that I enjoyed and I've done this more than once (To remain sober I kept pouring scotch) great ending. Thanks TOMH