Strong Temptation (Working Title)

[TheWall0912]

I sympathize with all the ants,
dodging feet the best way they can.
I feel like a mime on the street,
too shy to talk, the silent freaks.
What's that? A glint has caught my eye.
A single blade silver and dry.
All my senses counting on down.
A rhythm deep, my heart beats loud.
The metal winked at me again.
For peace of mind, I cut and bled.


(Any ideas on a title are welcome!)

[Brownlie]

I sympathize with all the ants,
dodging feet the best way they can.
I feel like a mime on the street,
too shy to talk, the silent freaks.
What's that? A glint has caught my eye.
A single blade silver and dry.
All my senses counting on down.
A rhythm deep, my heart beats loud.
The metal winked at me again.
For peace of mind, I cut and bled.


(Any ideas on a title are welcome!)

You're using tetra meter and a bunch of near rhymes. A beating heart is a cliché, but you seem to have some knowledge of poetry. Your poem seems to be about suicide read "Lady Lazarus" by Sylvia Plath it is the best suicide poem I have ever read. One more thing that is kind of random and may help you, I like to Stick with one metaphor throughout a whole poem like Robert Frost's Mending Wall (Used as an example because of your user name.) Check out confessional poetry (Plath is confessional Frost is not but don't trust me) I think you could really get into that stuff. Thanks for posting.