crooked tree

[Bunx]

EDIT 2
Here I am coffee in hand, this sand filled time
is always my favorite. Hate it because you would
stay if you should, the girl here builds from an
X made of wood.

Papa B the 16th would rather slip and swim
in a hot light filled pool than soar in a cloudy
fog with Christ, a personal vise.
Retired with time on his side.

Here Ben will sit under this crooked
shade protected with God's twisted creation.
the bark his is sitting on will not splinter his
worn hands. He will walk amongst man this
once voice of God.

Retirement means irreversible responsible reality.
Where God "speaks" on every corner, directly in the ear
of every child. How can you ask when all you do is relieve?
Crooked tree, your like Joshua so unique yet in every forest.
Not perfect, yet providing cover of the flaming furious sun.

how can you be free when your mumbling
loudly, softly on your tender pain filled knees? Please,

Listen. When God claimed to be your pal I ignored. When
he came up and said hello, I said "well God i am rather bored,
ill pray if I got something to say?". Well Bill, I pray everyday.
God listens like a mute father who does not betray.

Ah, yes this tree above my head, shade is quite pleasant.

[Brownlie]

Here I am coffee in hand, this sand filled time
is always my favorite. Hate it because you would
stay if you should, the girl here builds from an
ex made of wood. --Interesting Homonym wood/would

Papa B the 16th would rather slip and swim[/font] -- This seems nonsensical which can be good or bad.
in a hot light filled pool than soar in a cloudy-- Some good tactile details here.
fog with Christ a personal vise. Retired with time
on his side. -- This Stanza was somewhat confusing.

Retirement means irreversible responsible reality.
Where God "speaks" on every corner, directly in the ear
of every child. How can you ask when all you do is relieve?
Crooked tree how can you be free when your mumbling
loudly, softly on your tender pain filled knees? Please, --Reminds me of Whitman who critics will hate on. I suggest you read Whitman. In my opinion, if you are going to call this poem crooked tree you should add more tactile description and stay focused on the tree as an extended metaphor.
Listen. When God claimed to be your pal I ignored. When
he came up and said hello, I said "well God i am rather bored,
ill pray if I got something to say?". Well Bill, I pray everyday.
God listens like a mute father who does not betray. --There is an earnestness here which can be good all of us are narcissistic to a point so remember readers can't feel what you feel from your own work. I am personally interested in people who believe in God as I have always viewed religion through a scholastic lens.

Ah, yes this tree above my head, shade is quite pleasant.

This poem was confusing but I enjoyed reading it. The way I see it is that you should be taking a look at Billy's pdfs that he posts and check out the audio section and listen to Robert Frost, Whitman, and Charles Bukowski. If you edit this poem maybe you can stay more focused on the tactile descriptions but that is just my personal opinion.

[Bunx]

thanks brownlie ill work on my second edit right away!