Humanity doesn't change

[UnicornRainbowCake]

Opportunity has been closed off
out of limits for the masses.
To succeed is improbable
no matter what they say.
Progression an impossibility It's really a re-write of your first line
separated in society,
a boundary, a border. One or the other, both aren't needed
Keep the weak at bay.

Dictatorships are ever present,
a God who leads the men. Thankyou for defining dictatorship
No equal chance for everyone, And again
its always left to fate.
Education doesn’t help
if a child is born a slave. This isn't true, nor applicable to the lines surround it. It feels as if you've written it, like the sound of it, and have found somewhere to shove it in
The cards you’ve been dealt,
shouldn’t fuel you with hate. You spend the start of the poem negatively describing a dictatorship, and then you go to this? Saying it 'shouldn't fuel you with hate' is sounding to me like 'oh, it's not that bad'. I will presume it is some kind of clever twist way above my head.

If the people are the power
then why is life so hopeless? Oh - life is hopeless again. The previous line is ruled out.
No free rides, no hand outs,
you don’t amount to much. Rephrasing, again and again and again
No help from the bigger fish
to fit inside the pond. Quite a nice analogy, if not a little overused regarding fishies and pondies
The people can’t develop
without some straws to clutch. Drinking straws? Hay? I get what you're saying, but straws...really?

A flame within has died,
fiery passion caving in. Wait. What? Who's flame? Is there a character missing who's flame has died? The flame of revolution, of people's hope? Explain please
Have you tried your hardest, To do what?
or are you just concealed? Are they concealed? Hidden? From whom?
A double negative in society, A double negative = positive
still no positives are born. But a double negative is a position by definition...
The establishment has spoken,
Humanity’s fate is sealed. Last two lines are clear enough

I commenting mainly because you asked on your previous (unedited) poem. It is a big step up from your previous one - but I still stand by my decision that you need to post in mild until you develop your own distinctive voice. I post in mild, and I post in novice. It isn't for 'noobs' or for bad writers - far from it.

Apart from what I have commented on your poem, there are a few other things I'd look at doing. Most of your sentences are of the same structure and length. This gets boring. Use differing lengths of line for tension, suspense. Variety is the key unless there is a specific reason against it - and I fail to see one in yours. This is prose broken into lines.

You've written about dictatorship - and it is relatively clear, understandable - but you are just writing out the stereotypes that people know about dictatorship (EG, most people do badly, nobody gets a say). If you are trying to make a point about the people never getting a chance, read into the subject. Read Les Miserables and add the experiences of the people experiencing it into your poem. Take the futility and desperation of these people and use it to make a great piece of work.

[tectak]

Opportunity has been closed off
out of limits for the masses. This is a statemental opener which only works if you have the complicity of your readers. Not all will agree with you and so this makes the opener debatable.You must have SOMETHING punctuating L1 into L2 otherwise you end up with two statements peculiarly dependent upon each other when that is not your intent. You wrote, "Opportunity has been closed off out of limits for the masses."
To succeed is improbable Bland. Indecisive. Pointless.
no matter what they say.Who say? You cannot get away with "common man" cliches if you are trying to make lofty proclamations.
Progression an impossibilityThis is an echo of "to succeed is improbable." and really adds nothing. You have bear-trapped yourself into believing you have two points when you only have (barely) one.
separated in society,
a boundary, a border. Punctuate to sense. Again, you write, "Progression an impossibility separated in society, a boundary, a border." It is a nonsense sentence. How is an impossibility separated? Why repeat boundary (I know what it is, already) with another word?
Keep the weak at bay.The "weak" are not generally at bay....they are weak.

Dictatorships are ever present,
a God who leads the men.Thank you. I did not know that. Interesting but I need to check it out. Oh....I just have. Sorry. It's just not true.
No equal chance for everyone,
its always left to fate."it's"....but what is it? Poor language control here which is tediously thin and lacking depth. you do not need profundity but you do need blood. This could be a rant were it not for the feeling that my nannie wrote it. It needs spirit and hot iron. It has neither. You could be suffering from concept-curse. The thing is a little overworked. I think you should read more to increase your passion quotient. We will get a list next...wishes or woes. We shall see.
Education doesn’t helpOh it's woes!
if a child is born a slave.Bollocks
The cards you’ve been dealt, Cliche in spades
shouldn’t fuel you with hate.Cliche but cleverly intimating that cards can fuel you...you could have fueled me....and anyway, whose side is this on? You have a disconnect. I though the fueling cards SHOULD fill you with hate?

If the people are the power
then why is life so hopeless?What? I thought we were in ever-present dictatorships? Has there been a revolution in the last stanza? I just missed it.
No free rides, no hand outs,Oh woe is me...a list I be
you don’t amount to much. Woes woes, nothing but woes...and my tea is cold. Oh woe.
No help from the bigger fish
to fit inside the pond. This is too big a cliche to fit into the pond. It is flopping over the sides. What happened to big fish in small pond? Oh, forget it. This pond thing is not working at all. Anyway, the line makes no sense. I think you are getting sick of the piece because it is just syllable count prose stuck up with line breaks to give some rhythm. You are not using your words to express your thinking. You are listing so much you will topple over soon.
The people can’t develop
without some straws to clutch. Oh for Pete's sake. Can you not say this in a new and vibrant way? "Crushed by weight of circumstance, their hopes extrude like guts."...or something. Your poem.

A flame within has died,Ho hum. What that you say...flame...died...hmmm...really? happens all the time
fiery passion caving in.
Have you tried your hardest,
or are you just concealed?Here's the choice. Are you going to try harder or shall we conceal you. Your decision. Concealement? OK. Pass the cloak of invisibility...fuck me, where is it?
A double negative in society, I am getting blood groups here....but it is all to late.
still no positives are born. Yep. Woe.
The establishment has spoken,
Humanity’s fate is sealed. A conclusion from the Tree of Knowledge. This is so deep I need to put my scuba-gear on to fathom it. No need to capitalise "humanity"...it sounds as if it's buggered anyway.

Hi barduk,
This is terrible and a great improvement. I believe you chose the wrong song and probably the wrong recording studio...on the wrong day. There are some difficult areas which you have tackled insubstantially and it shows. You would be better chopping out 80% of this piece and going for quality rather than quantity. Don't worry (as if you would) about the grammatical inconsistency, that is a solveable. Should you decide to workshop this, I would stick it in Mild for starters then give it a good coat of going over yourself. READ IT OUT LOUD and you will spot many areas where you will be unhappy with your own efforts.
I believe you have a problem with expansion...you need to be able to open up your work with a degree of abandon. It is, frankly, boring. To start the process, keep the salient lines, rewrite them, and find the way to extract the most meaning with the least possible number of words. Watch out for repeated "statements" and disconnects.
If you want to write prose, you need to get some excitement in to your line-outs. The de da de da de da de da da is monotonous at the best of times.
Best,
tectak

[Brownlie]

Opportunity has been closed off
out of limits for the masses.
To succeed is improbable
no matter what they say.
Progression an impossibility
separated in society,
a boundary, a border.
Keep the weak at bay.

Dictatorships are ever present,
a God who leads the men.
No equal chance for everyone,
its always left to fate.
Education doesn’t help
if a child is born a slave.
The cards you’ve been dealt,
shouldn’t fuel you with hate.

If the people are the power
then why is life so hopeless?
No free rides, no hand outs,
you don’t amount to much.
No help from the bigger fish
to fit inside the pond.
The people can’t develop
without some straws to clutch.

A flame within has died,
fiery passion caving in.
Have you tried your hardest,
or are you just concealed?
A double negative in society,
still no positives are born.
The establishment has spoken,
Humanity’s fate is sealed.

I believe TecTak's comments are pretty good... It doesn't seem like you've considered your line breaks and grammar enough. A line break doesn't mean the end of a sentence. The poem is very terse and abstractions don't leave you with much. Perhaps you could include a simple story... Good Luck.