…as my room burned, I could go on. Edit 1 for serge.

[tectak]

Wired to tailgates, flashed in cheers
of honeyed circumstance,
we paddle
in our skinned canoes. Fire! Fire!
Greased by creosote burning black
like a waxed and oiled up scrub-land pharaoh,
you were liquidised.
I left.

Tracking rotors beat and cut the cute puffed airs
and graces; kings could curtsy in the grain of wood
you polished.
Buffered thoughts shine bare. Fire! Fire!
Counterweighted bones with blades
still stuck in cleft and crevice where you hid from me.
You were pulverised.
I laughed.

Come and strip this bandage from the crispened flakes
of what the faith once was; close to shanks of shame held
tightly closed whilst
Berenice was left to Poe instead. Fire! Fire!
Shout this out to your familiars, "Lift the breasts of nippled arms
and count out one, two, three!"
You were traumatised.
I loved.

Where now?
You lose.
You lose again.

Tectak
2013

[serge gurkski]

Hi Tom,

I like this line very much:
"Berenice was left to Poe instead. Fire! Fire!"
But the next line confuses me almost:
Do breasts come unnippled to in the UK?

cheers

totally breast-nippled serge
"

---

and this here is nice (not meant disrespectfully).

" ... I left ...

... I laughed

... I loved ... "

[Brownlie]

Wired by tailgates flashed in cheers
of honeyed circumstance,
we pander
to our skinned canoes. Fire! Fire!
Only by creosote burning black
like waxed and oiled up scrub-land pharaohs,
you were liquidised.
I left.

Tracking rotors beat and cut the cute puffed airs
and graces; kings could curtsy in the grain of wood
they polished.
Buffered thoughts bare. Fire! Fire!
Counterweighted bones with blades
still stuck in cleft and crevice where you hid from me.
You were pulverised.
I laughed.

Come and strip this bandage from the crispened flakes
of what the faith once was, close to shanks of shame that
stayed closed.
Berenice was left to Poe instead. Fire! Fire!
Read it to your familiars, lift the arms of nippled breasts
and count out one, two, three.
You were traumatised.
I loved.

Where now?
You lose.
You lose again.

Tectak
2013

What is going on in this poem? Maybe others will get it.

[UnicornRainbowCake]

Do breasts come unnippled to in the UK?

I had a check - I do, but I may be an anomaly. There's a high amount of inbreeding on our island

I'm afraid I don't very much understand what is going on either. I read it through a few times and nothing is coming through to me. For this reason I can't really give any useful critique.

[tectak]

Hi Tom,

I like this line very much:
"Berenice was left to Poe instead. Fire! Fire!"
But the next line confuses me almost:
Do breasts come unnippled to in the UK?

cheers

totally breast-nippled serge
"

---

and this here is nice (not meant disrespectfully).

" ... I left ...

... I laughed

... I loved ... "

Hi serge,
I must give your stuff a good thrashing.
The nipple reference? Witch's familiars...super-numery nipples 1,2. 3.
This is a very old thing I wrote whilst underneath a fat German girl (with three nipples) on the grass(?) at Red Tower in Malta...it was a very good party but a fire broke out and we all got slightly arrested. I only found it yesterday and have not got the faintest idea what the hell it's about. I was relying on the crits.
The year? 1967 but I re-hashed it in 2001 and 2003. The only thing I changed in 2013 was the title.
The girl was called Frieda...do you know her?
Best,
Tectak

---

Wired by tailgates flashed in cheers
of honeyed circumstance,
we pander
to our skinned canoes. Fire! Fire!
Only by creosote burning black
like waxed and oiled up scrub-land pharaohs,
you were liquidised.
I left.

Tracking rotors beat and cut the cute puffed airs
and graces; kings could curtsy in the grain of wood
they polished.
Buffered thoughts bare. Fire! Fire!
Counterweighted bones with blades
still stuck in cleft and crevice where you hid from me.
You were pulverised.
I laughed.

Come and strip this bandage from the crispened flakes
of what the faith once was, close to shanks of shame that
stayed closed.
Berenice was left to Poe instead. Fire! Fire!
Read it to your familiars, lift the arms of nippled breasts
and count out one, two, three.
You were traumatised.
I loved.

Where now?
You lose.
You lose again.

Tectak
2013

What is going on in this poem? Maybe others will get it.

See reply to Serge. Do you like it?

---

Do breasts come unnippled to in the UK?

I had a check - I do, but I may be an anomaly. There's a high amount of inbreeding on our island

I'm afraid I don't very much understand what is going on either. I read it through a few times and nothing is coming through to me. For this reason I can't really give any useful critique.

See reply to serge. Is there a comma in the wrong place?
Best,
tectak

[Brownlie]

Hi serge,
I must give your stuff a good thrashing.
The nipple reference? Witch's familiars...super-numery nipples 1,2. 3.
This is a very old thing I wrote whilst underneath a fat German girl (with three nipples) on the grass(?) at Red Tower in Malta...it was a very good party but a fire broke out and we all got slightly arrested. I only found it yesterday and have not got the faintest idea what the hell it's about. I was relying on the crits.
The year? 1967 but I re-hashed it in 2001 and 2003. The only thing I changed in 2013 was the title.
The girl was called Frieda...do you know her?
Best,
Tectak
And here I thought you were a sweet old man who liked to throw dinner parties...

[UnicornRainbowCake]

Hi serge,
I must give your stuff a good thrashing.
The nipple reference? Witch's familiars...super-numery nipples 1,2. 3.
This is a very old thing I wrote whilst underneath a fat German girl (with three nipples) on the grass(?) at Red Tower in Malta...it was a very good party but a fire broke out and we all got slightly arrested. I only found it yesterday and have not got the faintest idea what the hell it's about. I was relying on the crits.
The year? 1967 but I re-hashed it in 2001 and 2003. The only thing I changed in 2013 was the title.
The girl was called Frieda...do you know her?
Best,
Tectak

Alas, you have found my previous identity. After that terrifying ordeal I changed my name, had reconstructive nipple surgery and ran away to England. I should have known you'd follow me back to Blighty

[tectak]

Hi serge,
I must give your stuff a good thrashing.
The nipple reference? Witch's familiars...super-numery nipples 1,2. 3.
This is a very old thing I wrote whilst underneath a fat German girl (with three nipples) on the grass(?) at Red Tower in Malta...it was a very good party but a fire broke out and we all got slightly arrested. I only found it yesterday and have not got the faintest idea what the hell it's about. I was relying on the crits.
The year? 1967 but I re-hashed it in 2001 and 2003. The only thing I changed in 2013 was the title.
The girl was called Frieda...do you know her?
Best,
Tectak

Alas, you have found my previous identity. After that terrifying ordeal I changed my name, had reconstructive nipple surgery and ran away to England. I should have known you'd follow me back to Blighty

Did you nick my Mother Mary bottle opener with the Jesus Raves embossed crucifux attached? If so, I want it back.
Best,
tectak

---

Hi serge,
I must give your stuff a good thrashing.
The nipple reference? Witch's familiars...super-numery nipples 1,2. 3.
This is a very old thing I wrote whilst underneath a fat German girl (with three nipples) on the grass(?) at Red Tower in Malta...it was a very good party but a fire broke out and we all got slightly arrested. I only found it yesterday and have not got the faintest idea what the hell it's about. I was relying on the crits.
The year? 1967 but I re-hashed it in 2001 and 2003. The only thing I changed in 2013 was the title.
The girl was called Frieda...do you know her?
Best,
Tectak
And here I thought you were a sweet old man who liked to throw dinner parties...

Hell, I am a child of the Sixties, wild but not without sin! I never grew up but my sweetness matures like a good Madeira....
Best,
sticky tectak.

[UnicornRainbowCake]

Hi serge,
I must give your stuff a good thrashing.
The nipple reference? Witch's familiars...super-numery nipples 1,2. 3.
This is a very old thing I wrote whilst underneath a fat German girl (with three nipples) on the grass(?) at Red Tower in Malta...it was a very good party but a fire broke out and we all got slightly arrested. I only found it yesterday and have not got the faintest idea what the hell it's about. I was relying on the crits.
The year? 1967 but I re-hashed it in 2001 and 2003. The only thing I changed in 2013 was the title.
The girl was called Frieda...do you know her?
Best,
Tectak

Alas, you have found my previous identity. After that terrifying ordeal I changed my name, had reconstructive nipple surgery and ran away to England. I should have known you'd follow me back to Blighty

Did you nick my Mother Mary bottle opener with the Jesus Raves embossed crucifux attached? If so, I want it back.
Best,
tectak

It is in the local Sue Ryder for the grand total of 50p. I'd get it before the elderly daycare visitors go on their weekly charity shop trip and snap it up for an unlucky grandchild's birthday.

[R.C. KITCHENS]

Wired to tailgates, flashed in cheers
of honeyed circumstance,
we paddle
in our skinned canoes. Fire! Fire!
Greased by creosote burning black
like a waxed and oiled up scrub-land pharaoh,
you were liquidised.
I left.

Tracking rotors beat and cut the cute puffed airs
and graces; kings could curtsy in the grain of wood
you polished.
Buffered thoughts shine bare. Fire! Fire!
Counterweighted bones with blades
still stuck in cleft and crevice where you hid from me.
You were pulverised.
I laughed.

Come and strip this bandage from the crispened flakes
of what the faith once was; close to shanks of shame held
tightly closed whilst
Berenice was left to Poe instead. Fire! Fire!
Shout this out to your familiars, "Lift the breasts of nippled arms
and count out one, two, three!"
You were traumatised.
I loved.

Where now?
You lose.
You lose again.

Tectak
2013

I like most of it although, I feel like im out of the loop in the piece as a whole. maybe further explanation is needed about the fire and about the nippled arms. It seems like an element of discord with the fire and people.
[/b]

[tectak]

Wired to tailgates, flashed in cheers
of honeyed circumstance,
we paddle
in our skinned canoes. Fire! Fire!
Greased by creosote burning black
like a waxed and oiled up scrub-land pharaoh,
you were liquidised.
I left.

Tracking rotors beat and cut the cute puffed airs
and graces; kings could curtsy in the grain of wood
you polished.
Buffered thoughts shine bare. Fire! Fire!
Counterweighted bones with blades
still stuck in cleft and crevice where you hid from me.
You were pulverised.
I laughed.

Come and strip this bandage from the crispened flakes
of what the faith once was; close to shanks of shame held
tightly closed whilst
Berenice was left to Poe instead. Fire! Fire!
Shout this out to your familiars, "Lift the breasts of nippled arms
and count out one, two, three!"
You were traumatised.
I loved.

Where now?
You lose.
You lose again.

Tectak
2013

I like most of it although, I feel like im out of the loop in the piece as a whole. maybe further explanation is needed about the fire and about the nippled arms. It seems like an element of discord with the fire and people.
[/b]

Hi RC,
See reply to brownlie, below:
"This is a very old thing I wrote whilst underneath a fat German girl (with three nipples) on the grass(?) at Red Tower in Malta...it was a very good party but a fire broke out and we all got slightly arrested. I only found it yesterday and have not got the faintest idea what the hell it's about. I was relying on the crits.
The year? 1967 but I re-hashed it in 2001 and 2003. The only thing I changed in 2013 was the title."

I only posted this to show that mindless rubbish can attract mindless comment. You did not fall in to the trap. I honestly CANNOT remember much about the "event" apart from Frieda, a helicopter, a bonfire of made of canoes and a huge highly polished wood crucifix, a dozen police men and getting hauled away in a landrover, with about twenty others, in a blaze of red lights to wild cheering as we noticed that there were revellers falling out of the tailgate of another police vehicle in front of us!
....but that is about it. I think it was a good night. I blamed Frieda for it all...what a Witch!
Best,
tectak

[R.C. KITCHENS]

Wired to tailgates, flashed in cheers
of honeyed circumstance,
we paddle
in our skinned canoes. Fire! Fire!
Greased by creosote burning black
like a waxed and oiled up scrub-land pharaoh,
you were liquidised.
I left.

Tracking rotors beat and cut the cute puffed airs
and graces; kings could curtsy in the grain of wood
you polished.
Buffered thoughts shine bare. Fire! Fire!
Counterweighted bones with blades
still stuck in cleft and crevice where you hid from me.
You were pulverised.
I laughed.

Come and strip this bandage from the crispened flakes
of what the faith once was; close to shanks of shame held
tightly closed whilst
Berenice was left to Poe instead. Fire! Fire!
Shout this out to your familiars, "Lift the breasts of nippled arms
and count out one, two, three!"
You were traumatised.
I loved.

Where now?
You lose.
You lose again.

Tectak
2013

I like most of it although, I feel like im out of the loop in the piece as a whole. maybe further explanation is needed about the fire and about the nippled arms. It seems like an element of discord with the fire and people.
[/b]

Hi RC,
See reply to brownlie, below:
"This is a very old thing I wrote whilst underneath a fat German girl (with three nipples) on the grass(?) at Red Tower in Malta...it was a very good party but a fire broke out and we all got slightly arrested. I only found it yesterday and have not got the faintest idea what the hell it's about. I was relying on the crits.
The year? 1967 but I re-hashed it in 2001 and 2003. The only thing I changed in 2013 was the title."

I only posted this to show that mindless rubbish can attract mindless comment. You did not fall in to the trap. I honestly CANNOT remember much about the "event" apart from Frieda, a helicopter, a bonfire of made of canoes and a huge highly polished wood crucifix, a dozen police men and getting hauled away in a landrover, with about twenty others, in a blaze of red lights to wild cheering as we noticed that there were revellers falling out of the tailgate of another police vehicle in front of us!
....but that is about it. I think it was a good night. I blamed Frieda for it all...what a Witch!
Best,
tectak

I was wondering what the rotors implied. with your clarification, I can understand it better. Sounds like a wild time.

[billy]

there's a good poem in there, some good images, but it reads as though either you're smashed or i am
and edit would help but i've no idea of any suggestions.

i have read your last response and that's the poem that isn't showing here, if it were it would be a winner i'm sure.

Wired to tailgates, flashed in cheers
of honeyed circumstance,
we paddle
in our skinned canoes. Fire! Fire! a suggestion would be [we paddle in skinned canoes] on one line and Fire! Fire! on it's own line with white line, separated with a line space top and bottom of it.
Greased by creosote burning black
like a waxed and oiled up scrub-land pharaoh,
you were liquidised. huh
I left.

Tracking rotors beat and cut the cute puffed airs
and graces; kings could curtsy in the grain of wood
you polished.
Buffered thoughts shine bare. Fire! Fire!
Counterweighted bones with blades
still stuck in cleft and crevice where you hid from me.
You were pulverised.
I laughed.

Come and strip this bandage from the crispened flakes crisped or crispy
of what the faith once was; close to shanks of shame held
tightly closed whilst
Berenice was left to Poe instead. Fire! Fire!
Shout this out to your familiars, "Lift the breasts of nippled arms
and count out one, two, three!"
You were traumatised.
I loved.

Where now?
You lose.
You lose again.

Tectak
2013

[wystan1000]

I like the use of language in this piece although it remains pretty obscure. I'm also a fan of the shape and order, and the various other repetitions ("fire! fire!"). It is generally very pleasing.