When we resolved as lovers fair
That time should not be our bane
And laid neath starry canvas spread
Resplendent white arcs split the veil
Their eons journey blazing to an end
On the meadows' soft green blanket cheek to cheek
Warm summer night’s breeze perfumed breath
Caressing our hearts in oneness as we kissed
It was then we truly knew the joy
Of tender first loves' pure sweet bliss
Thank you for your thoughts fogglethorpe. It is my first attempt at writing any kind of verse. I don't even know if it could be properly called poetry. It was just a train of thought that occurred to me and I thought I would see if anyone found it at all interesting.
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(06-03-2013, 12:47 AM)Jacklalanne Wrote: When we resolved as lovers fair
That time should not be our bane
And laid neath starry canvas spread
Resplendent white arcs split the veil
Their eons journey blazing to an end
On the meadows' soft green blanket cheek to cheek
Warm summer night’s breeze perfumed breath
Caressing our hearts in oneness as we kissed
It was then we truly knew the joy
Of tender first loves' pure sweet bliss
I agree about cliches, although the idea of "caressing hearts" reminds me of an old joke"What do you call 2 heart surgeons operating on each other at the same time: a pair o' docs!!"
ahem.
exeunt stage left.
Posts: 574
Threads: 80
Joined: May 2013
(06-03-2013, 12:47 AM)Jacklalanne Wrote: When we resolved as lovers fair
That time should not be our bane
And laid neath starry canvas spread
Resplendent white arcs split the veil
Their eons journey blazing to an end
On the meadows' soft green blanket cheek to cheek
Warm summer night’s breeze perfumed breath
Caressing our hearts in oneness as we kissed
It was then we truly knew the joy
Of tender first loves' pure sweet bliss
I would advise you to stay away from words like neath because they are archaic.
