itsnotterrysitsmine
Unregistered
Feeling fresh, free and full hearted.
My mind bends and sways to new sounds.
The height of happiness hits empty space...
...where you are not.
It engulfs me and silences my mind...
...then there you are.
Suddenly with me, but really you're not.
We nod and agree, but really we don't.
I smile right back at the space where you're not.
I know I'm mad, my heart sinks and shrivels.
A split second of near suffocation,
And squinting to hold back my tears from you.
And then you are gone...though really you're not.
You'll always be there...and i'm with you too.
Posts: 326
Threads: 90
Joined: Apr 2013
Hi itsnotterrysitsmine,
Welcome to the site, and I'm liking the look of this poem.
At first when I read the title and then the first couple of lines I thought it was going to be a "getting high" kind of poem that was saying I'm better than the rest of you. But then all of a sudden you switch it round.
It's simplicity in appearance is very deceiving, and I like it's ambiguity, it could be about a number of things, but it doesn't leave me feeling guilty that I didn't perhaps get the one true meaning.
I also like the way it starts with the alliteration on the first line.
Good stuff, I look forward to reading some more, and I'll definitely read this a few more times also.
Cheers
AR
wae aye man ye radgie
itsnotterrysitsmine
Unregistered
Hi AR,
Thanks so much. I've never really bothered to show anyone a poem I've written before. I've only tried to write a few and then I just delete them because they depress me. It means a lot that it's worth a read anyway!
itsnotterrysitsmine
Posts: 15
Threads: 3
Joined: May 2013
(05-23-2013, 04:39 AM)itsnotterrysitsmine Wrote: Feeling fresh, free and full hearted.
My mind bends and sways to new sounds.
The height of happiness hits empty space... ( the empty space) assuming your talking about a specific person they would take up a specific place
...where you are not.
It engulfs me and silences my mind...
...then there you are.
Suddenly with me, but really you're not.
We nod and agree, but really we don't.
I smile right back at the space where you're not.
I know I'm mad, my heart sinks and shrivels.
A split second of near suffocation,
And squinting to hold back my tears from you.
And then you are gone...though really you're not.
You'll always be there...and i'm with you too.
I really enjoy the first four lines. I feel like there could be some grammar issues but I'm not good enough at grammar to really be sure. All in all I enjoyed this ( and could feel it) but I'm no expert!
