The play

[Ryan_w_r]

The Play

The iron rich metallic sting still strong in my mouth,

the seemingly lifeless body sprawled across the couch.

Pulse quickening, vision still a blur,

franticly pacing back and forth with thoughts of what the neighbors may have heard.

As I calm myself I move slowly towards the body,

taking note of every bruise, every scratch, and every gash,

focusing in on her throat, I notice my firm grip had left the appearance of a rash.

This horrific sight made me ask myself “how could I do this monstrous act?”

Then I realize that in fact, this is just that, an act.

For an act is a part of a play, a play in which I am a part of.

And in this play, this disgustingly beautiful play.

I am the playwright, the star, and the critic,

But most importantly I am the audience, gazing down in complete awe of my performance.

For this disturbing little act I am required to play many roles.

So many roles in fact, that I often lose who I am, and find it hard to keep my sanity intact.

But one role is constant, never changing, and always the same,

the role of the victim, the beaten and restrained.

Peering down at the shivering body I notice a bit of blood

Removing it with my forefinger, I close my eyes, savor the moment and rub it on my tongue.

Again! That metallic sting erupting my senses.

Sending lightning down my spine, leaving me in paralysis, vulnerable, and defenseless.

As I regain my faculties I see the body begin to stir

So I grab a near by steak knife and plunge it into her

Twisting and turning the knife, I begin foaming at the mouth

Nothing has ever brought me such pleasure like watching this body lose its life, right here on my couch

In anticipation of the moment i close my eyes basking in thoughts of my sin.

Awaiting her last exhale, and eager to breath it in.

Excitement has overcome me, I really cannot wait.

Starring into her almost lifeless eyes I kneel down and whisper

"did you enjoy you're last first date?"





-alternate ending-

The Play

The iron rich metallic sting still strong in my mouth,

the seemingly lifeless body sprawled across the couch.

Pulse quickening, vision still a blur,

franticly pacing back and forth with thoughts of what the neighbors may have heard.

As I calm myself I move slowly towards the body,

taking note of every bruise, every scratch, and every gash,

focusing in on her throat, I notice my firm grip had left the appearance of a rash.

This horrific sight made me ask myself “how could I do this monstrous act?”

Then I realize that in fact, this is just that, an act.

For an act is a part of a play, a play in which I am a part of.

And in this play, this disgustingly beautiful play.

I am the playwright, the star, and the critic,

But most importantly I am the audience, gazing down in complete awe of my performance.

For this disturbing little act I am required to play many roles.

So many roles in fact, that I often lose who I am, and find it hard to keep my sanity intact.

But one role is constant, never changing, and always the same,

the role of the victim, the beaten and restrained.

Peering down at the shivering body I notice a bit of blood

Removing it with my forefinger, I close my eyes, savor the moment and rub it on my tongue.

Again! That metallic sting erupting my senses.

Sending lighting down my spine, leaving me in paralysis, vulnerable, and defenseless.

As I regain my faculties a sense of remorse sets in.

So I unbind the woman, turn and walk away.

Just then I hear a fait voice from behind me say.

“baby I love you, you know just how to treat me.”

I just shake my head and continue walking.

Then stop, smile, turn and say,
“girl I love you, but bitch you CRAY!”

By: Ryan Raschke

[Bunx]

haha, this is pretty neat.

[Bunx]

were you alluding to vampire roleplay?

[Magpie]

Hi Ryan_w_r,
This is good stuff, I really enjoyed reading it just now, so I read it again. You've a very individual style going on there, and it flows really well. I imagine that the way I read it would be the way that you would say it, so to be able to convey that in just words is very good.
The other thing I noticed is that you've kind of broke a couple of poetry rules and still made it work, for example in these lines here :

This horrific sight made me ask myself “how could I do this monstrous act?”

Then I realize that in fact, this is just that, an act.

For an act is a part of a play, a play in which I am a part of.

And in this play, this disgustingly beautiful play.

I am the playwright, the star, and the critic,

all this repetition shouldn't really work but said at the right pace you get away with it and it sounds good, but it looks mad written down.
There is a couple of spelling mistakes here and there but nothing too serious, like "lighting" did you mean "lightening" and "Just then I hear a faint voice" and did you intentionally miss the Z out of "CRAZY" coz I can see how it would work both ways, if you know what I mean.
Thanks for the read man, I really enjoyed it and I like the fluency of the style you've got, much appreciated.
AR

[Ryan_w_r]

Hi Ryan_w_r,
This is good stuff, I really enjoyed reading it just now, so I read it again. You've a very individual style going on there, and it flows really well. I imagine that the way I read it would be the way that you would say it, so to be able to convey that in just words is very good.
The other thing I noticed is that you've kind of broke a couple of poetry rules and still made it work, for example in these lines here :

This horrific sight made me ask myself “how could I do this monstrous act?”

Then I realize that in fact, this is just that, an act.

For an act is a part of a play, a play in which I am a part of.

And in this play, this disgustingly beautiful play.

I am the playwright, the star, and the critic,

all this repetition shouldn't really work but said at the right pace you get away with it and it sounds good, but it looks mad written down.
There is a couple of spelling mistakes here and there but nothing too serious, like "lighting" did you mean "lightening" and "Just then I hear a faint voice" and did you intentionally miss the Z out of "CRAZY" coz I can see how it would work both ways, if you know what I mean.
Thanks for the read man, I really enjoyed it and I like the fluency of the style you've got, much appreciated.
AR

Thanks so much! The version you read is actually not the original... The original had a much darker ending and I change it to be more light hearted out of fear people would think I'm crazy haha. I'm going to post the orgional above the one you just read. If you could I would like it if your read that as well.. Again thank you so much for reading! I'm new to poetry and really having fun with it so positive critique really goes a long way.

[Magpie]

Yeah man,
I like it much better, it feels more right. Now that I've read them both the end of the second one, does feel like it wasn't part of the rest of the poem, you can almost tell that it was edited.
That last line has got humour in it also and it works, much better.
I'm glad I've seen that now.
Don't worry about people thinking you might be crazy there is plenty of crazy people on here.
Thanks for the read.
AR