One Little Cloud

[matthewcattie]

One Little Cloud

I am one little cloud
I am powerless in this life
A breeze of motivation can take me to new heights
But a lull in change can leave me stagnant

I am one little cloud
I am filled with beauty and grace
I dance along the skylines hoping that you notice
But when you don't, I still move at my own pace.

I am one little cloud
I am the fog on your morning commute.
I am the rain in which you bathe
I can take many forms

I am one little cloud
Always changing
Always moving
Always unique.



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[Todd]

Hi Matthew you have two nice lines here:

I am the fog on your morning commute.
I am the rain in which you bathe

Not sure about the inconsistent punctuation between sentences.

I think where you go for specific images like those above it works. When you settle for the generic:

I am filled with beauty and grace
The three always lines

It's much weaker.

In fact ending on unique buys you nothing. You'd probably be better served by cutting out anything generic and maybe end on this idea:

I am powerless in this life

While not an image, if you build to it properly it could work.

Just a few thoughts.

Best,

Todd

[Bunx]

The imagery of water was nice displayed in these lines. Regarding water symbolizing life, it is a nice metaphor. That water can be hard and uncomfortable or soft as refreshing as moist fog.

[itsnotterrysitsmine]

A really sweet, simple, honest poem at first glance.

It also reminds me of the saying "just a drop in the sea" which makes me really think of the bigger picture, of being a lonely and insignificant individual. It also makes me think of life and death and reincarnation because of the cycle the cloud is going through. After all though because the imagery conjured is of a light fluffy cloud it doesn't leave you feeling sad or scared.

It's a gentle kind reminder of reality.