Jesus and his quest for glory.

[Mad Matt]

When I was a kid
I was told about God,
A horrible spiteful
Vengeful sod.

Destroying unbelievers
He'd tear them limb from limb
Smiting all those people
With another god than Him.

It's the same old God
For Muslims and Jews
Except one can't have bacon
The other no booze.

And just so we'd know
That God is the boss
He had His own Son
Nailed to a cross.

Ever since then
Those who follow the Son
Have taught the world love
Through the barrel of a gun.

They taught the world guilt
And taught the world shame
Of sexual desire
But not oppression and pain.

I can't tell you what to believe
I wouldn't know where to start
Apart from this
Just be kind to others,
And follow your heart.

[Catcherin]

Great poem. Like the message, love the ending. I really enjoyed the last two stanzas though the third is good as well. I think its important to carry out actions for reasons other than to earn (perceived) brownie points

[Mad Matt]

Great poem. Like the message, love the ending. I really enjoyed the last two stanzas though the third is good as well. I think its important to carry out actions for reasons other than to earn (perceived) brownie points

Thank you. Although I'm not over pleased with the ending, I'm not sure if it isn't a bit soppy compared to the rest of the poem.

Matt x

[Catcherin]

I think its a good straightforward message regarding selflessness. If you tried to make something more complicated out of it, it might come across as contrived. I meant the last 3 stanzas; "Have taught the world love/Through the barrel of a gun" - I love lines like that

[rowens]

This seems fine enough as it is. What else you got?

I find all secular angst strangely soppy. But that's partly because Christmas always leaves me with extreme feelings of suicidal despair.

This poem just came out fine for what it is.

[Mad Matt]

I have to agree with you about Christmas, last Christmas I came up with this little ditty which I put in the few Christmas cards I bothered to send.

Christmas time is here again
Hundreds of pounds down the drain
Fifty quid for a turkey or goose
Enough on pudding to rot a tooth

Presents for second cousins son
On your partner no less than a ton
Secret Santa for the twats at work
Drinks in the pub for an absolute burke

Have kids then take out a loan
For every child a brand new phone
Crackers with diamond rings
Pull them they play music by Wings

More lights on the house than three doors down
Electric bill arrives with a deathly frown
Christmas tree drops needles to the floor
Broken Hoover which was working before

It’s worth it all you may say
For festive cheer on the day
Children scream and couples bicker
Over washing up and Granny’s ticker

Grandpa holds court with racist views
While I watch Bond in a haze of booze
Halfway through it’s time for Her Maj
"Happy Christmas peasants, smell one's vaj"

After the Queen we open our gifts
A mad scrum as everyone shifts
Grabbing prezzies fast as they can
Ripping off paper with fast moving hand

Once again undies and socks
Bottle of gin and a box of chocs
We play Charades, pointless mimes
Finding the answers in the Radio Times

Count down the hours till the end of the day
Wishing that Christmas would go away
At least it’s over when I go to bed
The one day a year that fills me with dread.

[billy]

a consistent meter would help it read smoother. look at the meter of the 1st or 2nd verse and make the other verses read the same (metrically speaking). try not to use to end rhymes that are the same. am i to take jesus in the title as god because in the poem it feels as though he's separated in some way.

When I was a kid
I was told about God,
A horrible spiteful
Vengeful sod.

Destroying unbelievers
He'd tear them limb from limb
Smiting all those people
With another god than Him.

It's the same old God
For Muslims and Jews
Except one can't have bacon
The other no booze. i like this verse it' feels honest

And just so we'd know
That God is the boss
He had His own Son
Nailed to a cross.

Ever since then
Those who follow the Son
Have taught the world love
Through the barrel of a gun. feels jerky, not enough stressed syllables

They taught the world guilt
And taught the world shame
Of sexual desire
But not oppression and pain.

I can't tell you what to believe
I wouldn't know where to start
Apart from this
Just be kind to others,
And follow your heart.

[Mad Matt]

The title comes from an off hand comment from Eric Idle. He was interviewed after Monty Python's Holy Grail and the interviewer asked him what their next film would be he replied "Jesus And His Quest For Glory." They, off course, made The Life Of Brian. So it's a nod to Monty Python.

I'll have a think about the meter and some of the rhymes.

Would "At the point of a gun" work better? The barrel of a gun line was reference to Chairman Mao "Every good communist knows power grows out of the barrel of a gun." But I suppose it is not an obvious reference and unlikely to be picked up on by anyone anyway so I can probably afford to lose it.

[billy]

was mao Christian

at the point of a gun works but is very cliche.

[Mad Matt]

No, but Mao and god were similar in several ways.

There was a cult of personality around Him much like a certain Chairman Christ.
They both advocated fairer distribution yet Mao's Cadres And God's Padres both lived lives of ease, plenty and power over their flock.
Walking on water is similar to Mao swimming the Yangtze in his seventies to show his super human strength.
Feeding the five thousand with three loaves and five fishes (is that the right way round?) is very similar to the food distribution system during the Great Leap Forward.
They were both very keen on smiting people.

[Bunx]

awesome matt! Lutheran aka happy catholic here saying i like the message, and the analogies!