Love

[Sonata]

To You my dear, I nod
And behind me squats
an earth's clod
eternal youth elixir's hod
and a faceless God
And to You I shall nod
forevermore

[Pilgrim]

To You my dear, I nod
And behind me squats
an earths clod
eternal youth elixirs hod
and a faceless god
And to You I shall nod
forevermore

Hello, Sonata.

1. I confess that I do not understand your poem.

2. I cannot make the connection between your title and what follows.

3. Have you anthropomorphised that clod which squats behind the narrator?

4. My understanding of a hod is that it is an open wooden box attached to a pole and is used for carrying bricks. That being the case, are you perhaps suggesting that your particular hod is used for carrying youth elixirs? A metaphorical hod perhaps?

5. A faceless god? God of what?

6. Nodding forevermore? Perpetual motion?

7. Earths and elixirs both seem to need apostrophes.

8. Perhaps a little restructuring mightn’t go amiss?

The foregoing remarks are not facetious.

Regards,

Pilgrim.

[Brownlie]

To You my dear, I nod
And behind me squats
an earth's clod
eternal youth elixir's hod
and a faceless god
And to You I shall nod
forevermore

The rhymes don't seem natural. Love is a very generic title.

[Sonata]

Hello, Sonata.

1. I confess that I do not understand your poem.
I hoped that nobody would, the point is your point of view - What do u think? What i wanted doesn't matter.
2. I cannot make the connection between your title and what follows.
You have a straight definition of love inside of you and u just can't see what love can be, and it's forms. That's why you didn't understand this poem in the first place.
3. Have you anthropomorphised that clod which squats behind the narrator?
Yes, I did, "Earth's clod" = a piece of earth, a piece of something huge and massive, "Youth elixir's hod" = something that everyone desires, eternal youth, "Faceless God" = a God whom we don't know, we believe that he exists and that he is great and powerful, it's a symbol for something briliant, strong but yet unknown.
4. My understanding of a hod is that it is an open wooden box attached to a pole and is used for carrying bricks. That being the case, are you perhaps suggesting that your particular hod is used for carrying youth elixirs? A metaphorical hod perhaps?
Everything is a complete metaphore, the whole poem. A hod in this case is just another bucket which holds the secret of eternal beauty and youth, nothing more.
5. A faceless god? God of what?
Well, I explained this earlier.
6. Nodding forevermore? Perpetual motion?
Yes, as in I will bow to you forevermore, until the end - to you and your beauty.
7. Earths and elixirs both seem to need apostrophes.
I fixed that, I actually put those but I guess some bug or something.
8. Perhaps a little restructuring mightn’t go amiss?
This is the first time that I wrote exactly what I wanted, widen you horizons my friend

I don't understand. Nod? Nod of to sleep? Nod why? Nod in agreement?
Explained everything ^
Bow? So everything squats beside you and nods/bows/agrees/must agree also? I think this may be it, but I feel like it should be made more clear.
You saw it, it's clear enough. If everyone wrote/said everything clearly, philosophy wouldnt exist, don't you agree?

The rhymes don't seem natural. Love is a very generic title.
Unnatural doesn't exist in poetry, you create.

Don't ever be narrow minded, even the most simplest words, just a couple of those can mean and opposite.
It was never the point to make things clear, sometime you need to see things and live them your own way.

Thank you very much for your comments, I wanted to see if people can get through this and figure it and even if it's not clear and u did. [/color]

[rowens]

I spend a lot of time explaining my own poetry. Sometimes I'm even successful. There used to be a guy on here named DaedricPrince. I think he'd really benefit from your insight.

[rowens]

7. Earths and elixirs both seem to need apostrophes.
I fixed that, I actually put those but I guess some bug or something.

This part really stands out as pure comedy.

[tectak]

7. Earths and elixirs both seem to need apostrophes.
I fixed that, I actually put those but I guess some bug or something.

This part really stands out as pure comedy.

I am loathe to comment on crit's crit...go easy on sonata. Try to remember how you saw things when you were only ten years old.
Best,
tectak

[rowens]

I just felt that explanation was a highlight. He's pulling off a nice routine.

[tectak]

I just felt that explanation was a highlight. He's pulling off a nice routine.

Yep...I agree...he's a good turn but he's on too long. Now I feel bad talking about him behind his back in front of him. I say no more.