1989

[Catcherin]

7 weeks they stood upon the square in plain and scoped sight,
Vacuous stomachs en masse became the instrument used to fight,
And falling tyrants,
West of here,
Hit cogs and moved the gears,
Years of choked will made the slings,
And stones sharpened on tears,
"Here comes progress thick and fast you better heed the call,"
But hidden rooms and nameless tombs cannot benefit us all,
Future action; contradiction; the fall of the Berlin Wall.

"Your sedative waits,
Don't storm the gates,
We'll spare no-one the plumes,"
But they breathed your air in machinery lairs and were tired of all the fumes,
And on the square in plain and scoped sight the desperate instrument resumes.

Do you hear that sound?
That's the rattling lungs of restitution,
The tearing tracks,
And distorted facts,
A bullet carving retribution,

Can you see that sight?
The solid tank's dead grace?
A thousand men,
Stamp the head again,
And the square is left abase,

But the column will not pass this one,
Because not everything is lost,
As he moves into sight of the gun,
Quite prepared to pay the cost,
And galvanising everything with a stance too futile to bear,
It was always a weighted game and the tonnage is not fair,
There is nothing to gain from this;
That weapon will not fall,
But the air in his lungs is his today,
And that's worth more than all.

[rowens]

Too many commas at the ends of lines, and too many rhymes bouncing around. It doesn't feel right.

[Catcherin]

Its always the way when you try too hard

[rowens]

You mean it doesn't feel right when you try too hard?

[billy]

no line by line, i see the wall obviously and Tienanmen square. other than those two it's vague, if the poem is only about those two incidents make it more obvious in the title, 1989 two incidents...or three incidents. not sure the Berlin wall needs to stated as it's show already. seven, not 7, numbers are usually spelled out in poetry though it's a neither here or there nit it rhymes in places but not in others. if you use rhyme, try and using it with a constant meter. though aian it's just a nit. there seems to be a lot of punctuation, let the line ends do their job where you can.

That's the rattling lungs of restitution,

stands out as a most excellent line. some of the poem feels wordy (to many fillers) ie, the fall of the Berlin wall;
a falling Berlin wall. that said, all in all it was a good read in need of an edit.