Hopscotch

[qwerty_H]

Two girls with chalk,
on the sidewalk they scratch
out pictures of spiders
hearts, and hopscotch.

When night time arrives
scratching dreams in their minds
little hearts playing hopscotch
with water and brine.

When daylight arrives
a welcome reprise
we wonder, was it spiders
that ate out their eyes?

-H

[Teddy Savet]

The images of "scratching" and "brine" played an important role for me personally. Made the poem seem much bleaker than it might have otherwise.

The ending made me think. Its powerful, but I didn't come up with a meaning. Is it a critique on something, or just a surprise ending to what had been a fairly innocent poem? Whatever you intended it to be, it's shocking.

[Catcherin]

This is an intriguing read I must say. Much like Teddy I am scratching my head a little (less a slant on your writing than my wits) as to the full meaning. The ambiguity of "little heart playing hopscotch with water and brine," suddenly seems ominous given the last stanza and certainly gives the piece an impact. Enjoyable read though I wish my brain was up to more with regard to the full meaning!

[qwerty_H]

Thank you both for your thoughtful comments. I wish I had cool deep meanings stuck in my mind to impart onto the world instead of silly poetry. It must be cool to be Robert Frost, right?

-H

[Volaticus]

Hi,
I must say I enjoyed the ending very much. But as others has said, I too couldn't fully find out the meaning. I'm not sure what in the first two stanzas, connects to the happenings in the third's last two lines. But that might just be me. A cute little poem. Thanks for the read.
-LB

[tadaki]

I quite enjoyed this! Although like the others I really don't know the meaning, but the words were fun and the ending made me cock my head in a amusement. Haha even if -like you said- it doesn't have any special meaning, I still enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing!

[qwerty_H]

someone told me once that writers just observe and report, reader get to decide meaning. That sure was a relief to hear!!

Thanks for reading and commenting.

-H

[billy]

Two girls with chalk,
on the sidewalk they scratch
out pictures of spiders
hearts, and hopscotch.

When night time arrives
scratching dreams in their minds
little heart playing hopscotch
with water and brine.

When daylight arrives
a welcome reprise
we wonder, was it spiders
that ate out their eyes?

-H

it feels really primitive , specially the last line though it also feels like the poet as done it this way purposefully. that the enjambment was knowing done in this style. the title also give me the same feeling. i like it for this reason alone, (the primitivism of it all) i do think it could be better and that the poet is also knowledgeable to know the same thing. thanks for an interesting read.

[qwerty_H]

Two girls with chalk,
on the sidewalk they scratch
out pictures of spiders
hearts, and hopscotch.

When night time arrives
scratching dreams in their minds
little heart playing hopscotch
with water and brine.

When daylight arrives
a welcome reprise
we wonder, was it spiders
that ate out their eyes?

-H

it feels really primitive , specially the last line though it also feels like the poet as done it this way purposefully. that the enjambment was knowing done in this style. the title also give me the same feeling. i like it for this reason alone, (the primitivism of it all) i do think it could be better and that the poet is also knowledgeable to know the same thing. thanks for an interesting read.

Thanks for your comments billy. Yah, I suppose i could have done it better, I will work harder at it.

-H