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I can't tell you when it all started. I was young and I guess, crazy too.
You get to rely on the people you love...hell, that's what they want you to do.
One day, though, it will happen. You believe that it's something you said
and you've no idea what the fuck has changed but it hurts like a kick in the head.
That's when it all just switches around, you're supposed to know what's on their mind.
You ask for the time and they ask where's your watch, and you find that you're always behind.
So you figure you'd better keep out of the way, lock up your door and live cool.
You sleep when you want and you shut out the light and you live with only one rule.
Never get close to the people outside, they will burrow deep into your mind.
Live in your head where there's space to expand and where thinking can grow unconfined.
tectak
1967
I found this yesterday. On palimpsest, as serge would appreciate. I rescued it. It holds out hope for us all....except, perhaps, me 
Posts: 848
Threads: 231
Joined: Oct 2012
(05-11-2013, 01:32 AM)tectak Wrote: I can't tell you when it all started. I was young and I guess, crazy, too.
You get to rely on the people you love...hell, that's what they want you to do.
One day, though, it will happen. You believe that it's something you said
and you've no idea what the fuck has changed but it hurts like a kick in the head.
That's when it all just switches around, you're supposed to know what's on their mind.
You ask for the time and they ask where's your watch, and you find that you're always behind.
So you figure you'd better keep out the way, lock up your door and live cool.
You sleep when you want and you shut out the light and you live with only one rule.
Never get close to the people outside, they will burrow deep into your mind.
Live in your head where there's space to expand and where thinking can grow unconfined.
tectak
1967
I found this yesterday. On palimpsest, as serge would appreciate. I rescued it. It holds out hope for us all....except, perhaps, me
1967? this is pretty good, this form is familiar in that it could have been written by Rowens I.e. he sometimes frames his lines in the same way and I have always found that intriguing, you may think it's shit but I enjoyed it.
That's when it all just switches around, you're supposed to know what's on their mind.
You ask for the time and they ask where's your watch, and you find that you're always behind.
These two lines I can really relate to. Thanks TOMH
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
Posts: 378
Threads: 8
Joined: Mar 2013
[Nowe='tectak' pid='125913' dateline='1368203538']
I can't tell you when it all started. I was young and I guess, crazy, too.
You get to rely on the people you love...hell, that's what they want you to do.
One day, though, it will happen. You believe that it's something you said
and you've no idea what the fuck has changed but it hurts like a kick in the head.
That's when it all just switches around, you're supposed to know what's on their mind.
You ask for the time and they ask where's your watch, and you find that you're always behind.
So you figure you'd better keep out the way, lock up your door and live cool.
You sleep when you want and you shut out the light and you live with only one rule.
Never get close to the people outside, they will burrow deep into your mind.
Live in your head where there's space to expand and where thinking can grow unconfined.
tectak
1967
I found this yesterday. On palimpsest, as serge would appreciate. I rescued it. It holds out hope for us all....except, perhaps, me
[/quote]
This was way ahead of its time. It might have been shit then, but it's not bad now, lyrically. It needs some imagery (and some other devices as well) though. Are you workshopping this, or is it just a piece of nostalgic memorabilia?
Posts: 2,602
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(05-11-2013, 07:03 AM)trueenigma Wrote: [Nowe='tectak' pid='125913' dateline='1368203538']
I can't tell you when it all started. I was young and I guess, crazy, too.
You get to rely on the people you love...hell, that's what they want you to do.
One day, though, it will happen. You believe that it's something you said
and you've no idea what the fuck has changed but it hurts like a kick in the head.
That's when it all just switches around, you're supposed to know what's on their mind.
You ask for the time and they ask where's your watch, and you find that you're always behind.
So you figure you'd better keep out the way, lock up your door and live cool.
You sleep when you want and you shut out the light and you live with only one rule.
Never get close to the people outside, they will burrow deep into your mind.
Live in your head where there's space to expand and where thinking can grow unconfined.
tectak
1967
I found this yesterday. On palimpsest, as serge would appreciate. I rescued it. It holds out hope for us all....except, perhaps, me
This was way ahead of its time. It might have been shit then, but it's not bad now, lyrically. It needs some imagery (and some other devices as well) though. Are you workshopping this, or is it just a piece of nostalgic memorabilia?
[/quote]
Thanks for comments, true. I had not considered that there was anything but historical interest in this...In '67 I was 19 and already through the birth pangs of my first poem. I can barely remember writing this and have no recollection at all of why or when I tried to erase it ( written in pencil with corrections). So no, I had not considered changing it substantially...unless I give it back it's original enigmatically pretentious title..."Lost in Space" 
Best,
tectak
"Lost in Space" was, I think, a new tv series at the time, then a movie.
(05-11-2013, 04:40 AM)TimeOnMyHands Wrote: (05-11-2013, 01:32 AM)tectak Wrote: I can't tell you when it all started. I was young and I guess, crazy, too.
You get to rely on the people you love...hell, that's what they want you to do.
One day, though, it will happen. You believe that it's something you said
and you've no idea what the fuck has changed but it hurts like a kick in the head.
That's when it all just switches around, you're supposed to know what's on their mind.
You ask for the time and they ask where's your watch, and you find that you're always behind.
So you figure you'd better keep out the way, lock up your door and live cool.
You sleep when you want and you shut out the light and you live with only one rule.
Never get close to the people outside, they will burrow deep into your mind.
Live in your head where there's space to expand and where thinking can grow unconfined.
tectak
1967
I found this yesterday. On palimpsest, as serge would appreciate. I rescued it. It holds out hope for us all....except, perhaps, me
1967? this is pretty good, this form is familiar in that it could have been written by Rowens I.e. he sometimes frames his lines in the same way and I have always found that intriguing, you may think it's shit but I enjoyed it.
That's when it all just switches around, you're supposed to know what's on their mind.
You ask for the time and they ask where's your watch, and you find that you're always behind.
These two lines I can really relate to. Thanks TOMH Hi tomh,
You are too generous! I guess it is a rowanesque piece. Thank God I recovered...or not.
Best,
tectak
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
feels like a bit too much punctuation in places but i enjoyed it, felt a bit trippy which i'm sure it wasn't meant to be. you could gut a few of the smaller words (packing0 but you won't so i'll only mention it in passing
it really does have nostalgic feel to it which again i'm sure isn't intended. it has a bit of hidden bite to it tom, a tasty bite. thanks for the read. no real crit. sorry.
(05-11-2013, 01:32 AM)tectak Wrote: I can't tell you when it all started. I was young and I guess, crazy, too. is the 2nd comma needed?
You get to rely on the people you love...hell, that's what they want you to do. cap the hell and make it pop
One day, though, it will happen. You believe that it's something you said
and you've no idea what the fuck has changed but it hurts like a kick in the head. no comma after day (you'll is the right tense i think) is 'kick in the head' less cliche than 'kick in the balls' i wonder
That's when it all just switches around, you're supposed to know what's on their mind.
You ask for the time and they ask where's your watch, and you find that you're always behind.
So you figure you'd better keep out the way, lock up your door and live cool.
You sleep when you want and you shut out the light and you live with only one rule. i found this line so true of many people i've known, and of myself at times, great insight.
Never get close to the people outside, they will burrow deep into your mind. has a solid hippy feel to it which is weird cos hippy's were friendly bastards.
Live in your head where there's space to expand and where thinking can grow unconfined.
tectak
1967
I found this yesterday. On palimpsest, as serge would appreciate. I rescued it. It holds out hope for us all....except, perhaps, me
Posts: 2,602
Threads: 303
Joined: Feb 2017
(05-11-2013, 07:01 PM)billy Wrote: feels like a bit too much punctuation in places but i enjoyed it, felt a bit trippy which i'm sure it wasn't meant to be. you could gut a few of the smaller words (packing0 but you won't so i'll only mention it in passing
it really does have nostalgic feel to it which again i'm sure isn't intended. it has a bit of hidden bite to it tom, a tasty bite. thanks for the read. no real crit. sorry.
(05-11-2013, 01:32 AM)tectak Wrote: I can't tell you when it all started. I was young and I guess, crazy, too. is the 2nd comma needed?
You get to rely on the people you love...hell, that's what they want you to do. cap the hell and make it pop
One day, though, it will happen. You believe that it's something you said
and you've no idea what the fuck has changed but it hurts like a kick in the head. no comma after day (you'll is the right tense i think) is 'kick in the head' less cliche than 'kick in the balls' i wonder
That's when it all just switches around, you're supposed to know what's on their mind.
You ask for the time and they ask where's your watch, and you find that you're always behind.
So you figure you'd better keep out the way, lock up your door and live cool.
You sleep when you want and you shut out the light and you live with only one rule. i found this line so true of many people i've known, and of myself at times, great insight.
Never get close to the people outside, they will burrow deep into your mind. has a solid hippy feel to it which is weird cos hippy's were friendly bastards.
Live in your head where there's space to expand and where thinking can grow unconfined.
tectak
1967
I found this yesterday. On palimpsest, as serge would appreciate. I rescued it. It holds out hope for us all... .except, perhaps, me Hi billy,
hippy, trippy is correct! My comma use isn't,
There was a lot of rubbing out on this including "...hurts like glass in your bed" to the later edit in 1971 , following Rod Stewart's Maggie May! I was easily influenced back then. I was there at the birth of a cliche.Cool, man!
Best,
tectak
Posts: 378
Threads: 8
Joined: Mar 2013
(05-11-2013, 10:55 PM)tectak Wrote: (05-11-2013, 07:01 PM)billy Wrote: feels like a bit too much punctuation in places but i enjoyed it, felt a bit trippy which i'm sure it wasn't meant to be. you could gut a few of the smaller words (packing0 but you won't so i'll only mention it in passing
it really does have nostalgic feel to it which again i'm sure isn't intended. it has a bit of hidden bite to it tom, a tasty bite. thanks for the read. no real crit. sorry.
(05-11-2013, 01:32 AM)tectak Wrote: I can't tell you when it all started. I was young and I guess, crazy, too. is the 2nd comma needed?
You get to rely on the people you love...hell, that's what they want you to do. cap the hell and make it pop
One day, though, it will happen. You believe that it's something you said
and you've no idea what the fuck has changed but it hurts like a kick in the head. no comma after day (you'll is the right tense i think) is 'kick in the head' less cliche than 'kick in the balls' i wonder
That's when it all just switches around, you're supposed to know what's on their mind.
You ask for the time and they ask where's your watch, and you find that you're always behind.
So you figure you'd better keep out the way, lock up your door and live cool.
You sleep when you want and you shut out the light and you live with only one rule. i found this line so true of many people i've known, and of myself at times, great insight.
Never get close to the people outside, they will burrow deep into your mind. has a solid hippy feel to it which is weird cos hippy's were friendly bastards.
Live in your head where there's space to expand and where thinking can grow unconfined.
tectak
1967
I found this yesterday. On palimpsest, as serge would appreciate. I rescued it. It holds out hope for us all... .except, perhaps, me Hi billy,
hippy, trippy is correct! My comma use isn't,
There was a lot of rubbing out on this including "...hurts like glass in your bed" to the later edit in 1971 , following Rod Stewart's Maggie May! I was easily influenced back then.
Best,
tectak Lol
Posts: 378
Threads: 8
Joined: Mar 2013
So was it written on a reused parchment scroll, and did you have to use chemicals, iodine, and other archeological tricks such as laser scanners to recover it, or was it just engraved in a rock, and not quite chiseled away yet?
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(05-11-2013, 01:32 AM)tectak Wrote: I can't tell you when it all started. I was young and I guess, crazy too. Some nebulous words here. What is it?
You get to rely on the people you love...hell, that's what they want you to do. Who is they?
One day, though, it will happen. You believe that it's something you said Again what is it?
and you've no idea what the fuck has changed but it hurts like a kick in the head. Again with the it.
That's when it all just switches around, you're supposed to know what's on their mind. Who is they
You ask for the time and they ask where's your watch, and you find that you're always behind. I like the sentiment in this sentence.
So you figure you'd better keep out the way, lock up your door and live cool. Cool in that sense is sort of a cliche or its an idiom or something.
You sleep when you want and you shut out the light and you live with only one rule. I guess you might call repetition of You anaphora which adds a sort of fervor and perhaps adds tension
Never get close to the people outside, they will burrow deep into your mind. Who are the people? How do they burrow? I believe a more specific detail of your feelings could make this more powerful.
Live in your head where there's space to expand and where thinking can grow unconfined. I would get rid of unconfined.
tectak
1967
I found this yesterday. On palimpsest, as serge would appreciate. I rescued it. It holds out hope for us all....except, perhaps, me
Perhaps this could be a narrative poem in a paragraph block, you know a piece of flash prose or something. Hope this helps you.
Posts: 2,602
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(05-12-2013, 01:31 AM)Brownlie Wrote: (05-11-2013, 01:32 AM)tectak Wrote: I can't tell you when it all started. I was young and I guess, crazy too. Some nebulous words here. What is it?
You get to rely on the people you love...hell, that's what they want you to do. Who is they?
One day, though, it will happen. You believe that it's something you said Again what is it?
and you've no idea what the fuck has changed but it hurts like a kick in the head. Again with the it.
That's when it all just switches around, you're supposed to know what's on their mind. Who is they
You ask for the time and they ask where's your watch, and you find that you're always behind. I like the sentiment in this sentence.
So you figure you'd better keep out the way, lock up your door and live cool. Cool in that sense is sort of a cliche or its an idiom or something.
You sleep when you want and you shut out the light and you live with only one rule. I guess you might call repetition of You anaphora which adds a sort of fervor and perhaps adds tension
Never get close to the people outside, they will burrow deep into your mind. Who are the people? How do they burrow? I believe a more specific detail of your feelings could make this more powerful.
Live in your head where there's space to expand and where thinking can grow unconfined. I would get rid of unconfined.
tectak
1967
I found this yesterday. On palimpsest, as serge would appreciate. I rescued it. It holds out hope for us all....except, perhaps, me
Perhaps this could be a narrative poem in a paragraph block, you know a piece of flash prose or something. Hope this helps you. Fuck me! Do I sound as if I need help ? Anyway, it's way too late!
Thanks,
best,
tectak
Posts: 378
Threads: 8
Joined: Mar 2013
(05-12-2013, 01:17 AM)trueenigma Wrote: So was it written on a reused parchment scroll, and did you have to use chemicals, iodine, and other archeological tricks such as laser scanners to recover it, or was it just engraved in a rock, and not quite chiseled away yet?
Posts: 2,602
Threads: 303
Joined: Feb 2017
(05-12-2013, 01:17 AM)trueenigma Wrote: So was it written on a reused a parchment scroll, and did you have to use chemicals, iodine, and other archeological tricks such as laser scanners to recover it, or was it just engraved in a rock, and not quite chiseled away yet?
...an in joke but well googled! You are nearer than you think! It was originally written, in pencil, on the beige cover of an old school form book. I got a bollocking for defacing school property thisaway regularly...hence, I imagine but cannot recall, the half-hearted attempt at rubbing out. Parchment...no.
Poetic license? Yes.
Best,
tectak
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