Sunsets of Bliss.

[Magpie]

Sunsets of Bliss.

Toxic Night that crawled into a Sunset sublime,
a walk home by a misty canal,
two week stubble, amphetamine eyes
that haven`t seen sleep for five short days.

I was crazy at midnight,
bleary eyed, tongue tied,
bound for the east in adoration of a new Moon.

It was good to walk by the waters edge,
lost in temptation, passive resistance,
gentle surrender,a wing beat away from eternity.

In this time of reckless persuasion
softly fall the nights of abandon.

Placid Sunsets crawl slowly Home,
Sunsets of Bliss hold their breath.

[heslopian]

Sunsets of Bliss.

Toxic Night that crawled into a Sunset sublime, Great line. Makes me think of a muddly child crawling into a clean bed.
a walk home by a misty canal,
two week stubble, amphetamine eyes
that haven`t seen sleep for five short days. Brilliant last two lines. Strong, concise and evocative.

I was crazy at midnight,
bleary eyed, tongue tied,
bound for the east in adoration of a new Moon. Effective joining of modern mundanity and ancient spirituality in this verse.

It was good to walk by the waters edge, "Waters" should have an apostrophe before the "s", as the "edge" belongs to the water.
lost in temptation, passive resistance,
gentle surrender,a wing beat away from eternity. Another great last two lines which are strong and concise. You have a subtle gift for rhythm.

In this time of reckless persuasion
softly fall the nights of abandon. "Softly" is an odd choice, given that it's surrounded by violent words like "reckless" and "abandon".

Placid Sunsets crawl slowly Home, Good line. Makes me think of a martyr crawling across a desert.
Sunsets of Bliss hold their breath.

All of my critique is JMHO. You have some very good lines here and this poem could hold its own in mild or serious critique, I'd wager. Thank you for the read

[Magpie]

Sunsets of Bliss.

Toxic Night that crawled into a Sunset sublime, Great line. Makes me think of a muddly child crawling into a clean bed.
a walk home by a misty canal,
two week stubble, amphetamine eyes
that haven`t seen sleep for five short days. Brilliant last two lines. Strong, concise and evocative.

I was crazy at midnight,
bleary eyed, tongue tied,
bound for the east in adoration of a new Moon. Effective joining of modern mundanity and ancient spirituality in this verse.

It was good to walk by the waters edge, "Waters" should have an apostrophe before the "s", as the "edge" belongs to the water.
lost in temptation, passive resistance,
gentle surrender,a wing beat away from eternity. Another great last two lines which are strong and concise. You have a subtle gift for rhythm.

In this time of reckless persuasion
softly fall the nights of abandon. "Softly" is an odd choice, given that it's surrounded by violent words like "reckless" and "abandon".

Placid Sunsets crawl slowly Home, Good line. Makes me think of a martyr crawling across a desert.
Sunsets of Bliss hold their breath.

All of my critique is JMHO. You have some very good lines here and this poem could hold its own in mild or serious critique, I'd wager. Thank you for the read

Hi Heslopian,
First of all I must thank you once again at resurrecting another poem, in fact I see you have resurrected all the ones nearly disappeared. I am extremely grateful for this and it is very much appreciated. I do feel like I'm an extremely fortunate and blessed day today for a few reasons. This was the first poem I posted on here, hence the reason why it was in the novice section, I was kind of testing the water. And although I wrote this 5 years ago I always thought that it had something, so when it drifted into obscurity on here, I started doubting it and myself. The same happened with my second poem, so you can imagine what I was thinking, and then another one, and I was so close to just giving up the whole idea. And now that's all been turned on its head and I feel like I can start again, and that's all in two weeks.
So I really am grateful that you saved them but also liked them. And it's made me realise how easily poems can get lost here, I've noticed other poems by other people on the verge of vanishing, and merely it would seem because of unfortunate timing. I'm going to see what is possible to prevent that from happening, even if I went through and commented on the ones with zero comments, I know what a difference it makes to not see that 0 sitting in the comments column.
Thanks once again.
It's kind of blew me away, still in shock.
AR

[Brownlie]

Toxic Night that crawled into a Sunset sublime, What is a toxic night?
a walk home by a misty canal, Misty canal is an interesting image?
two week stubble, amphetamine eyes These are Two good sensual details I have certainly felt amphetamine eyes before
that haven`t seen sleep for five short days. I feel this line is a bit redundant perhaps you could condense the idea of amphetamine eyes and insomnia more compactly

I was crazy at midnight, What do you mean by crazed?
bleary eyed, tongue tied, Bleary eyed continues a theme of insomnia, tongue tied is a cliché
bound for the east in adoration of a new Moon. Perhaps be more specific here

It was good to walk by the waters edge, I would take out it was good to walk
lost in temptation, passive resistance, These are vague terms to me
gentle surrender,a wing beat away from eternity. More vague terms to me

In this time of reckless persuasion Reckless passion what’s that?
softly fall the nights of abandon. How do nights softly fall

Placid Sunsets crawl slowly Home, I would replace the adjective with something more powerful
Sunsets of Bliss hold their breath. What is a Sunset of Bliss

I like the image and the sensory detail of amphetamine eyes. I would almost like to see you deliberate on insomnia. Why did you choose the form you chose? Good draft.

[loraineraleigh]

I like it. The imagery is really vivid. My only critisism is that the capitalization seems random and I don't understand what they're supposed to mean, and it's a little bit jarring.