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This is a poem from a collection, the first poem I have ever shared.
LXIV
Sooth these halls of darkness morning
Before I make my day.
Tremble forward to the casket
Eternal to the grave.
In sheep led life I brim and tide
Not sought for never hiding,
All is all as I dash to dust,
My soul is no more binding.
Sooth these halls of darkness morning
Sooth or soothe?
Before I make my day.
Tremble forward to the casket
Eternal to the grave.
What do you mean by Eternal here? Anything specific?
In sheep lead life I brim and tide
lead or led?
Not sought for never hiding,
The commas are in some places, but not in others.
All is all as I dash to dust,
My soul is no more binding.
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(04-26-2013, 11:29 PM)YaMarVa Wrote: LXIV
Sooth these halls of darkness morning This line is very confusing. How does one sooth a hall, and what does "darkness morning" mean; is it referring to dawn?
Before I make my day.
Tremble forward to the casket Good line.
Eternal to the grave. What's eternal? The trembling forward?
In sheep lead life I brim and tide I think "lead" should be "led", but otherwise this is a good line; subtle and meaningful. I like the use of "tide" as a verb.
Not sought for never hiding,
All is all as I dash to dust,
My soul is no more binding. These last two lines are very good.
I think you need to work on clarity. Your lines are very obscure at the moment, though you obviously have talent and have given us some neat poetic expressions. I look forward to reading more of your work
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
Posts: 36
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Joined: Apr 2013
Thanks for the good advice, just what I was looking for. I am attempting poetry for the first time to help my writing in other ventures. I have no previous knowledge of poetic form or method; beyond reading poetry through life. So any help is useful.
Sooth is to find truth, I am trying to find “truth” in the “morning darkness” hours previous to dawn, before I make my day. Mornings are silent and calming. Because my days are like death, "eternal to the grave" (forever I’ll be dead once I start my day), I take time in the morning for reverence and solace.
Maybe I should re-work these lines?
Led would be correct, thanks.
Not sure why I picked my coma use, just what felt right. After re-reading I agree and will re-consider their placements.
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Whenever I think of death and eternity I immediately ask the question is there a god or after life? Are there concrete details that could show us your experience?
