After reading Lorca

[alannaeileen]

I would like to loiter in these instances
birthed by the pen
that spills a guttering cascade of words,
delineating the shape of your pristine melancholy,
that jewel of tragedy you guard,
burnished by solitude.
In privacy, those temples rise again
to greet your memory;
the ones you constructed
out of shrill winds and earth,
and threw, like a net,
over the steadfast land
of your fervor.

I would like to linger, momentarily,
on the threshold of your eyes,
to shake the languid iguana soul
into angelic wakefulness.
I wonder where you sleep
now, forever,
imbuing the grass that grows
from your secret grave
with the ardor of your verses;
I wonder if those who walk there
unknowingly imbibe the turbulent fumes
of your poetry, if they fall in love,
sing, dance, weep,
drop to their knees, babbling recitations,
alive with ecstasy and sorrow.

[serge gurkski]

will came back on that bc of Federico Gracia

"I wonder if those who walk there
unknowingly imbibe the turbulent fumes
of your poetry, if they fall in love,
sing, dance, weep,
drop to their knees, babbling recitations,
alive with ecstasy and sorrow."

I like these lines a lot!

forgot to mention: title swell


ty

[cantab]

The richness of your language is rather satisfying. 'Guttering cascade, pristine melancholy, turbulent fumes', have a pleasing intensity. Also, the progression of ideas in the poem is clear. 'Angelic wakefulness' is a bit sweet, and 'ardour of your verses' I find a bit melodramatic. But I think this is a good poem, that perhaps could be improved by toning down some of the descriptive language, which would allow the really strong parts to shine.

[Wjames]

I liked this poem a lot, it was really wordy and yet you managed to make it flow off the page pretty nicely. I agree that it might be better to trim a little of the fatso to speak, but also think the vocabulary added intensity to the poem.

A cool poem to read aloud, good work. I have never read any Lorca (or even heard of him), but I'll do a bit of wikipeding and maybe do some reading.

[serge gurkski]

it is very much Lorca. Beautiful!

cheers
serge

( I know that only because a poet friend of mine is an admirer of Lorca and he pointed his work out to me and did some translation into German ;-) )

(just found, to render it just for now roughly the late afternoon sings a lullaby to the oranges. ,-) Nice! (sings better in Spanish, of course, but I like the picture. ( La tarde canta
una berceuse a las naranjas. from: dos lunas de tarde( http://federicogarcialorca.net/obras_lor...nes.htm#58 )

[Magpie]

This poem is really good. Some of your imagery is excellent, I especially like "languid iguana soul". This may seem like I'm being a coward, but I have no criticisms.
Thank you for this poem, firstly because now I will be reading some Lorca at some point soon, and secondly because it demanded that I get the dictionary out and look up a couple of these words that I wasn't too sure about and for that I feel wiser.