The Reunion

[The Beef]

With you no longer
Lying next to me
I no longer feel joy, harmony, or ecstasy

The crater you left
On the bed we used to share
Is now half empty, unfilled, broken and bare

Where you'd rest your head
on my chest, it now it sleeps alone
I wonder why God has forced my hand, forced me to atone

By taking you
he might as well have taken me
For now I have no joy, no harmony, or ecstasy

Without you here,
I've run out of tears to cry
The one way to reunite is most surely suicide

So just wait, my love
we'll be together again soon I swear
No longer will I be half empty, broken, no longer will I be bare.

[allykat727]

I can feel your loss and longing. I like the way you personified your chest: "it sleeps alone". Just a few critiques . . . I wasn't particularly fond of the repetition of "no longer" in the first stanza . . . the first two lines in stanzas 4 & 5 are a bit cliche. Other than that, I liked how the first three stanzas all paint a picture of your lover lying with you. Maybe you can continue to paint that scene in the rest of the piece. Good work

[The Beef]

As soon as you pointed that out, I had to laugh at myself. It does sound horribly cliche, but thank you for your encouragement!

[Magpie]

This poem at times has some very good imagery, such as "The crater you left" which conveys the whole tone of what you are trying to say perfectly. I would also mention the repetition of words, such as "longer" in the first stanza and "it" in the third stanza. I don't know if you read your poems back to yourself out loud, but I think sometimes it's very beneficial to do so, and you will be able to hear certain mistakes easier than it would be to see them.
But again I stress excellent imagery, keep it up mate.

[Volaticus]

I think it's a beautiful title for a poem with this subject. And I like the what you want to convey. But I found the piece to be a bit awkward and wordy in some places.
In Stanza 1, I'm not keen on the repeating of "no longer". It doesn't have much impact on me.
I like the image in S2 (more of those, please), but the last sentence was too wordy for me.
I don't understand why you broke the line in S3 L1.
S5 L1-2 are cliche.
Overall, I think the poem has a lot of potential and you have some great ideas