The Uncle Who Was Always There

[bigpapaj50]

What is my life and where can I go
You ask me these questions and I really don’t know
But when I lift you up and I start to drink
All pain goes away and I feel so in sync
With the universe and life and maybe something greater
You bring me so high like a mental elevator
As you slide down my throat my problems disappear
I just feel love and know nothing of fear
You’ve always been my crutch and I want to let go
But without you in my life I’d enter the unknown
I’ve never lived without you and you take the pain away
You’re always there for me on my sad and lonely days
You’ve never broken my heart or made tears run down my cheek
I remember when we used to hang out every single day of the week
I miss those days and I will always remember
The tricks that you played, you little mind bender
When I’m sad I reach for you and when I’m happy I do the same
Without you in my life I might go insane
I need you when I’m upset or depressed or even mad
But I need to put you down
Goodbye, Uncle Vlad.

Just a poem about Vladimir vodka that i wrote when i realized I needed to stop drinking so much. Gimme some feedback!

[allykat727]

What is my life and where can I go
You ask me these questions and I really don’t know
But when I lift you up and I start to drink
All pain goes away and I feel so in sync
With the universe and life and maybe something greater
You bring me so high like a mental elevator
As you slide down my throat my problems disappear
I just feel love and know nothing of fear
You’ve always been my crutch and I want to let go
But without you in my life I’d enter the unknown
I’ve never lived without you and you take the pain away
You’re always there for me on my sad and lonely days
You’ve never broken my heart or made tears run down my cheek
I remember when we used to hang out every single day of the week
I miss those days and I will always remember
The tricks that you played, you little mind bender
When I’m sad I reach for you and when I’m happy I do the same
Without you in my life I might go insane
I need you when I’m upset or depressed or even mad
But I need to put you down
Goodbye, Uncle Vlad.

Just a poem about Vladimir vodka that i wrote when i realized I needed to stop drinking so much. Gimme some feedback!

Maybe my mind just has a tendency to go into the gutter, but your lines "I lift you up and start to drink" and "as you slide down my throat" had a sexual connotation to me. So "Goodbye, Uncle Vlad" was quite disturbing haha! Obviously, it made sense once I read that it was about Vladamir vodka. I'd suggest either giving more context clues to suggest that it is about alcohol or changing those lines other than that, there were some cool moments in this piece. I especially liked the "mental elevator" line. I might suggest playing with some different rhyme schemes. The constant AABBCC(etc.) can get monotonous. Anyway, good job

[Volaticus]

I think there's some really nice lines in your poem: 'like a mental elevator', 'little mind bender', 'Goodbye, Uncle Vlad'.
I do miss some punctuation and full stops, and some of the sentences, to me, were a bit long and wordy. I didn't like the line 'You’ve never broken my heart or made tears run down my cheek'. A bit cliche. But you have a lot of great things going in this poem, so thanks for sharing