Posts: 23
Threads: 9
Joined: Apr 2013
I would go to the library
when I was small to
inhale the pungency of literacy.
Small lungs
Devouring
Big words, ideas, legacies.
My sack full,
My mother led my hand
Towards the elevator
Down to the first floor
Where a round pink woman
With round pink glasses
Would wait smiling at me.
Anticipation
Rose with every swipe.
Stories,
Fantasies,
Dream escapes
All for me in my bag.
I’ll bring them back in a month
Or two.
Posts: 23
Threads: 11
Joined: Jan 2013
I enjoyed your poem but think it could be improved with a little tweaking of the line breaks. Not sure about the" mother led my hand line", was it detatched? sorry my sense of humour. Brought back memories of my own visits to my local library.
(04-17-2013, 01:55 PM)philoinlove Wrote: I would go to the library
when I was small to
inhale the pungency of literacy.
Small lungs
Devouring
Big words, ideas, legacies.
My sack full,
My mother led my hand
Towards the elevator
Down to the first floor
Where a round pink woman
With round pink glasses
Would wait smiling at me.
Anticipation
Rose with every swipe.
Stories,
Fantasies,
Dream escapes
All for me in my bag.
I’ll bring them back in a month
Or two.
never make someone your priority when to them you are only an option
Posts: 21
Threads: 11
Joined: Apr 2013
(04-17-2013, 01:55 PM)philoinlove Wrote: I would go to the library
when I was small to [u]I would put a comma after small, because the line got confusing with no pause[b]
inhale the pungency of literacy.
Small lungs
Devouring
Big words, ideas, legacies.
My sack full,
My mother led my hand
Towards the elevator
Down to the first floor
Where a round pink woman
With round pink glasses
Would wait smiling at me.
Anticipation
Rose with every swipe.
Stories,
Fantasies,
Dream escapes
All for me in my bag.
I’ll bring them back in a month
Or two.
Other than that minor detail it was a great read.
~Glittercake
[/b]
