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Rules: Write a poem for national poetry month on the topic or form described. Each poem should appear as a separate reply to this thread. The goal is to, at the end of the month have written 30 poems for National Poetry Month. I know my poor organization and planning skills are now burdening you with the extra pressure.
Topic 3: Rewrite a favorite joke as a poem
Form : any
Line requirements: none
Questions?
I have an example here: http://pigpenpoetry.com/showthread.php?tid=9399
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Horse enters a bar.
The bartender inquires -
Now why the long face?
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
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Horse orders a drink.
Sadly tells the barman -
"I lost a relay race."
I'll be there in a minute.
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You heard 'bout the horse?
With a negative outlook
She always said 'neigh.'
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
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04-04-2013, 07:58 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-04-2013, 08:00 AM by Leanne.)
*groan*
Shakespeare walks in
The bartender says
"Get out, you're bard"
I swear I will write an actual poem...
It could be worse
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Rosie O'Donnell walks out, yells back,
"You don't serve women!"
Barkeep replies, "I don't see any."
I'll be there in a minute.
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04-04-2013, 08:28 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-04-2013, 08:28 AM by billy.)
see my ball in the alligators mouth
go on miss, hit on the head
see it didn't hurt a bit
anyone else want a go,
gran take her teeth out
i'll have a go but do you have
to hit me on the head as hard?
it's pretty hard to make a joke a poem ain't it 
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Not really, it's just hard to make someone else's joke a poem.
It could be worse
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Maybe to inspire you, another example, not from me, but from an old friend Mrs. Julie Carter:
This Bud's for You
A bear enters a bar to buy a beer.
"Too bad," says the bartender, "but I can't
sell beers to bears in bars." The bear, near tears,
says, "Make exceptions!" The bartender grants
he'll give the bear a beer if he can do
something the old bartender's never seen.
The bear suggests that he, the bear, will chew
and eat someone. He chooses someone lean--
a skinny woman in a lowcut blouse
who's shrieking at some drinkers in the rear.
The bear devours her then returns to rouse
the stunned bartender and demand his beer.
"Alas," the tender says, "I still can't serve--
can't even GIVE a beer to bears on drugs."
"On drugs!" the bear replies. "You've got a nerve.
I'm not on drugs!" But the bartender shrugs.
"No offense intended to you, mate.
But I'm afraid that's the bar bitch you ate."
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"You's a banana?"
"I'm a banana."
"You's a banana?"
"I'm a banana."
"You is a banana?"
"I am a banana."
"You's a banana?"
"No. Orange."
"What?"
"Orange you glad
I'm not a banana?"
"Fuck off."
I slam the door.
"That man's a fuckin' banana!"
Too surreal.
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What does Dali
eat for breakfast?
Surreal.
I'll be there in a minute.
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(04-04-2013, 08:54 AM)newsclippings Wrote: What does Dali
eat for breakfast?
Surreal.
*clap**clap**clap*
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Big Paddy met Mick in the pub Friday night.
said Paddy, “And where is old Sean?”
Well, Mick shook his head: “’Tis a terrible tale”
and Paddy, concerned, said, “Go on.”
So Mick took a drink and began, “Sean is dead.
It was only last week we were drinking
right here at this bar, then we left to walk home –
the right thing to do, we were thinking.
“I wasn’t too bad but old Sean was a state –
it was twenty eight Guinness that filled him –
he tripped on the rail line, a train came along,
ran over his finger and killed him.”
Now Mick shook his head; “His finger?” he said,
“How that killed him I just can’t suppose,”
but Paddy, in tears, told the rest of the tale:
“It was while he was picking his nose.”
It could be worse
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(04-04-2013, 08:39 AM)milo Wrote: Maybe to inspire you, another example, not from me, but from an old friend Mrs. Julie Carter:
I'll get to this when I get a chance, but just wanted to mention that Julie Carter helped my writing out immensely. She wouldn't remember me at all, but I appreciate the time she took to get me moving in the right direction.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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I saw my friend Tom while walking up town
I could tell right away that something was wrong –
His shoulders were slouched and his face looked straight down
and his head didn’t measure but three inches long!
A head like a baseball, I couldn’t believe
it, what makes the top of big Tom, look so short?
After wiping the dew drop of tears on his sleeve
he proceeded to squeak out this tiny report:
I found this old lamp and I cleaned it right up
When poof! Out there pops the prettiest genie
Her lips were so full and her tits a C-cup
She was skimpily dressed in a micro bikini
“So what is your wish, my master,” she said
which is when I just asked her for a little head.
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Good morning everyone....
here's mine 
Each sunup a wrinkled granny
takes the bus to Breitenrain,
seats herself next to the driver,
talks to him in shine or rain.
She offers him some hazel nuts
he takes them all with gratitude
and wonders why would she do that?
He can't take it any more, implores
her why is she so kind?
The granny grins toothless, says,
"Son I like the chocolate-nuts
so I suck the stuff around
but the nuts my gums can't grind
and I just hate to throw them all.
;-) 
~Neena
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No time at mo might be back later.
Meanwhile here's some of the oldest jokes around set to corny verse and music - enjoy!
Fred Wedlock. (Uk folk [ish!] singer)
The Plumber song http://www.madmusic.com/song_details.aspx?SongID=21349
Listen whilst I tell you all a tale about a plumber
Who worked hard, day and night, in winter and in summer
Until one day he told his wife 'I hope I'm not a sinner'
'Tonight I'll have an evening out, at the regimental dinner'.
Just as he was setting out and whilst the taxi waited,
The 'phone bell rang, at the other end, the doctor, agitated.
'I need your help' the doctor cried tonight we have a party,
'The upstairs loo has sprung a leak, please get round here smartly'.
The plumber cussed, but the doctor said 'we all must do our duty'
So round to the doctors house he sped, feeling rather snooty.
He dropped three aspirins down the pan without a word of warning
And said 'if their ain't no improvement, call I in the morning'.
(There are also some of his other efforts at this link; classics such as The vicar and the Chior boy).
I've been subjected to these for years because this bloke went to hubby's school and came back to do concerts...so I don't see why other should not have to share my pain.
AJ.
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(04-04-2013, 07:08 PM)milo Wrote: (04-04-2013, 05:40 PM)neena2504 Wrote: Good morning everyone....
here's mine
Each sunup a wrinkled granny
takes the bus to Breitenrain,
seats herself next to the driver,
talks to him in shine or rain.
She offers him some hazel nuts
he takes them all with gratitude
and wonders why would she do that?
He can't take it any more, implores
her why is she so kind?
The granny grins toothless, says,
"Son I like the chocolate-nuts
so I suck the stuff around
but the nuts my gums can't grind
and I just hate to throw them all.
;-)
I loved this, I don't understand why you abandoned the rhyme and meter? 
Here I've worked on the rhyme and meter, donno if it spoiled the joke though...
Each sunup a wrinkled granny
takes the bus to Breitenrain,
seats herself next to the driver,
talks to him in shine or rain.
She gives him daily, hazel nuts,
he takes them all with gratiude
one day at last, puzzled enough,
he asks the reason, intrigued.
The granny grins toothless, says,
"Son I like the chocolate-nuts
so I suck the stuff around and
when what's left is just the nuts,
I offer you the big and small
'coz I just hate to throw them all.
~Neena
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(04-04-2013, 09:15 AM)Leanne Wrote: Big Paddy met Mick in the pub Friday night.
said Paddy, “And where is old Sean?”
Well, Mick shook his head: “’Tis a terrible tale”
and Paddy, concerned, said, “Go on.”
So Mick took a drink and began, “Sean is dead.
It was only last week we were drinking
right here at this bar, then we left to walk home –
the right thing to do, we were thinking.
“I wasn’t too bad but old Sean was a state –
it was twenty eight Guinness that filled him –
he tripped on the rail line, a train came along,
ran over his finger and killed him.”
Now Mick shook his head; “His finger?” he said,
“How that killed him I just can’t suppose,”
but Paddy, in tears, told the rest of the tale:
“It was while he was picking his nose.”
This, btw, is superb, if no one else mentions it. The real spirit behind this challenge. The dialogue, especially, seamlessly blending into your rhyme, meter and joke.
milo
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