Spanish guitar

[Tommy]

He sits aside while lovers dance
The man with the Spanish guitar.
His blood aroused by a familiar embrace
Toque gitano o flamenco.
He’s traced her spine and held her curves
The nuance of his lover.
She springs to life in his embrace
Delighted by his prowess.
The dancers stir like tangled buganvilia
In a fragrant summer breeze,
An exuberant bouquet
Of twirling skirts and smiling red lips
Which he bestows upon his lover.
Hands must clap
Heels must tap
Legs must dance
His passion grows only stronger.
The man with the Spanish guitar.

[billy]

hi tommy, be careful of telling the poem, beware of cliche of which you have quite a few, and spell check, make it original, make it bang like the dancers heels,

thanks for the read.

He sits aside while lovers dance
The man with the Spanish guitar. feels a bit weak, is he Spanish or is the guitar Spanish? if the latter then why not, the Spanish guitarist
His blood aroused by a familiar embrace at this point you need an image,
Toque gitano o flamenco.
He’s traced her spine and held her curves
The nuance of his lover.
She springs to life in his embrace can something else be used instead of embrace, which is repetition
Delighted by his prowess.
The dancers stir like tangled buganvilia bougainvillea
In a fragrant summer breeze,
An exuberant bouquet
Of twirling skirts and smiling red lips
Which he bestows upon his lover.
Hands must clap
Heels must tap
Legs must dance
His passion grows only stronger.
The man with the Spanish guitar.

[Tommy]

hi tommy, be careful of telling the poem, beware of cliche of which you have quite a few, and spell check, make it original, make it bang like the dancers heels,

thanks for the read.

He sits aside while lovers dance
The man with the Spanish guitar. feels a bit weak, is he Spanish or is the guitar Spanish? if the latter then why not, the Spanish guitarist
His blood aroused by a familiar embrace at this point you need an image,
Toque gitano o flamenco.
He’s traced her spine and held her curves
The nuance of his lover.
She springs to life in his embrace can something else be used instead of embrace, which is repetition
Delighted by his prowess.
The dancers stir like tangled buganvilia bougainvillea
In a fragrant summer breeze,
An exuberant bouquet
Of twirling skirts and smiling red lips
Which he bestows upon his lover.
Hands must clap
Heels must tap
Legs must dance
His passion grows only stronger.
The man with the Spanish guitar.

Thank you for your comments. I will work on an edit. I used the Spanish spelling of "buganvilia" deliberately but I worried I would get that reaction.

[Heartafire]

hi tommy, be careful of telling the poem, beware of cliche of which you have quite a few, and spell check, make it original, make it bang like the dancers heels,

thanks for the read.

He sits aside while lovers dance
The man with the Spanish guitar. feels a bit weak, is he Spanish or is the guitar Spanish? if the latter then why not, the Spanish guitarist
His blood aroused by a familiar embrace at this point you need an image,
Toque gitano o flamenco.
He’s traced her spine and held her curves
The nuance of his lover.
She springs to life in his embrace can something else be used instead of embrace, which is repetition
Delighted by his prowess.
The dancers stir like tangled buganvilia bougainvillea
In a fragrant summer breeze,
An exuberant bouquet
Of twirling skirts and smiling red lips
Which he bestows upon his lover.
Hands must clap
Heels must tap
Legs must dance
His passion grows only stronger.
The man with the Spanish guitar.

Lovely poem. I love a spanish guitar, grew up hearing my father play his, he was quite good. Seems Billy has covered the soft spots that may need tinkering. I faltered here:
An exuberant bouquet
Of twirling skirts and smiling red lips
Which he bestows upon his lover.
I'm not sure what "he"" has bestowed, twirling skirts, red lips? All in all , fine potential.
Heart

[Tommy]

hi tommy, be careful of telling the poem, beware of cliche of which you have quite a few, and spell check, make it original, make it bang like the dancers heels,

thanks for the read.

He sits aside while lovers dance
The man with the Spanish guitar. feels a bit weak, is he Spanish or is the guitar Spanish? if the latter then why not, the Spanish guitarist
His blood aroused by a familiar embrace at this point you need an image,
Toque gitano o flamenco.
He’s traced her spine and held her curves
The nuance of his lover.
She springs to life in his embrace can something else be used instead of embrace, which is repetition
Delighted by his prowess.
The dancers stir like tangled buganvilia bougainvillea
In a fragrant summer breeze,
An exuberant bouquet
Of twirling skirts and smiling red lips
Which he bestows upon his lover.
Hands must clap
Heels must tap
Legs must dance
His passion grows only stronger.
The man with the Spanish guitar.

Lovely poem. I love a spanish guitar, grew up hearing my father play his, he was quite good. Seems Billy has covered the soft spots that may need tinkering. I faltered here:
An exuberant bouquet
Of twirling skirts and smiling red lips
Which he bestows upon his lover.
I'm not sure what "he"" has bestowed, twirling skirts, red lips? All in all , fine potential.
Heart

Hello Heartafire thank you for the comments. My basic idea here is that the guitar players love for his guitar and his playing of the guitar, is like the love that the dancers have for each other and they respond to that emotion by dancing and then their dance in turn becomes like a bouquet that the guitarist gives back to his guitar/lover. Each of the parts, guitar, musician, dance fueled by the other. I'm having difficulty trying to convey that idea through allegory. Billy is so right in the "telling" comment. I've tried to make the musician a lover, the guitar a woman and the dancers a bouquet but it still slips out of allegory and gets too "tellie" on me (patent pending on the term "tellie"). I'm not sure how to fix it.

[billy]

He makes his lover dance.
Plucks and picks her to the tap,
tap, tap of heels and the clap,
clap, clap of fingers hitting heel of palm,


make things up try and create the picture
the above is just a suggestion to look at and maybe get an idea or two.
think about the shape of the guitar, if you like, how he's fingering the string and stroking the the hip of the guitar with his elbow. close your eyes and tell us what the image is that you see and hear.

[dandan]

Hey Tommy, I think you've gotten some good suggestions here. Like someone else mentioned I had a bit of trouble here :
In a fragrant summer breeze,
An exuberant bouquet
Of twirling skirts and smiling red lips
Which he bestows upon his lover.
But my issue is a bit different, perhaps I'm reading this wrong but to me it sounds like you're saying HE has the smiling red lips which HE bestows upon his lover. I'm not sure here but I think you're trying to say she has the smiling red lips? That would make more sense to me as the phrase on it's own "smiling red lips" seems to describe a more feminine being. I think that in order to be clear about that the sentence "which he bestows upon his lover" would have to be tweaked a bit. Unless of course it is the man of whom you are speaking.

I really like your poem, it reminds me of this couple I once saw. They were both latino and dancing to spanish music, it was beautiful, as is your poem

[serge gurkski]

bougainvillea (as heart already pointed out)

otherwise fine.

And read billy, ,-)

it is a good topic.

[sophieatezombie]

Good sense of imagery. As said before embrace is used a little too much for my liking. Otherwise I enjoyed reading your art. I believe music helps us see how love can grow.